Thanks to the Mothering community for sharing these hilarious anecdotes. Take part in some of the fun threads here and here!
It’s Become VERY Obvious That You’re a Mom When…
- Having some “me” time seems like a luxury bordering on gross extravagance.
- You think it’s totally normal to say things like “cats are not for licking,” “please don’t put raisins up your nose” and “teeth are for food not for friends.”
- You don’t remember the last time you went to the bathroom (or took a shower, or changed your clothes) without a companion.
- You’ll sleep in baby vomit or pee rather than change the sheets just to grab an extra five minutes of sleep.
- You enthusiastically ask your husband about his “poops” to encourage your potty-learning child.
- You can’t find your keys so you look in any available shoes first.
- You have to specifically suggest that underwear be worn at the dinner table.
- You can whip up four different dinners for four different people in less than 20 minutes.
- You can clean up any mess (or an entire house) with nothing but baby wipes.
- You can successfully snappi a prefold on a sleeping baby without waking them up. You know what the terms “snappi” and “prefold” mean.
- Your toddler eats a day old dried pea from under her high chair and you think, “well, at least it was a vegetable instead of fuzz this time.”
- Your baby is dressed immaculately in hand-sewn matching clothes but you routinely wear a three-year-old nursing top.
- You can’t relax at yoga class due to the anxiety produced by seeing all of the electrical outlets without safety plugs in them.
- You find yourself bouncing/rocking your whole body even when you aren’t holding your baby.
- You send your cosmetic bag to the sitter while the diapers, wipes and extra clothes are in your purse at work.
- This actually qualifies as a song — “pooper trooper, gunna change your nappy, cos you stink of poo (pa pa poo pa pa) yes you really do (pa pa poo pa pa) it’s a good job I love you.”
- You find yourself spelling out words to your partner … even when the kids are nowhere in sight.
- You have to wash your child’s things because the dog peed on them … and your dog’s things because your child peed on them.
- Someone asks you want you did all day and you want to punch them in the face.
- Being peed on, puked on, or even pooped on doesn’t faze you because it happens every. single. day.
- You finally have some rare “free time”… and you choose to sleep.
- Quiet signals trouble.
- You look in the mirror only to discover that you’ve been walking around with four owl stickers on your face for the last two hours.
- You sing the happy birthday song twice every time you wash your hands — to be sure you washed long enough.
- You’re kneeling in the driveway, scrubbing melted chocolate out of the car’s beige rug, only to have someone come up behind you and squirt you in the butt with the garden hose.
- Leaving the house to go anywhere is such a major ordeal you simply stop doing it.
- The only thing you ate today was the remains of a 3 hour old grilled cheese sandwich you found
under on the table.
- 2 ounces of pumped breastmilk is the most valuable thing you own.
- Every paper product in your bathroom is shredded.
- You get crappy sleep, no time to yourself, have a stiff back from nursing, can’t pee without it being an ordeal…. and you frequently fantasize about having another one!
Add your own in the comments!