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Effective Communication Skills in Your Marriage
Brought to you by eharmony Marriage at eHarmony.com
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Effective communication skills are essential in all relationships, especially in your marriage. Learn five ways to help you and your spouse with your effective communication skills.

Effective communication skills are key to marital success with your spouse. What's the best effective communication skill? There isn't just one — the best way to make your marriage better and strengthen your relationship is to learn how to make the most of each of the following effective communication skills. Arguments and disputes are often caused by breakdowns in the communication process. Here is how you can strengthen your relationship with your spouse so that a marriage with arguments and disputes can be resolved through effective communication skills:

Effective Communication Skill #1: Show your spouse respect

Effective communication skills in your marriage begin with keeping an open mind and reserving judgment. Never look for the "right" or "wrong" in what your spouse is saying. Remember that everyone has his or her own feelings which cannot be classified as right or wrong. Never interrupt — not only is it rude but it is selfish. Just listen.

Effective Communication Skill #2: Focus on your spouse

Try to put yourself in your spouse's shoes to get a better understanding and appreciation between the two of you. Listening is the first effective communication skill. Listen without constantly planning on what you are going to say next. Remember, no one can listen and talk at the same time! Let go of your own agenda so that you can be receptive to your spouse's point of view.

Effective Communication Skill #3: Notice what's not being said

Researchers estimate that approximately 55% of what we say is delivered through non-verbal signs. Make sure you are not showing signs like frowning, rolling your eyes, crossing your arms, fidgeting or tapping your feet or fingers. Instead, give your spouse your full attention by making direct eye contact, nodding your head or making appropriate facial expressions. Keeping a calm tone in your voice is also an essential effective communication skill — it can help keep a conversation from becoming an argument.

Effective Communication Skill #4: Think about your response

Take the time to think before you say anything in response. Learning effective communication skills is a marathon, not a sprint. If your reaction feels more emotional than matter-of-fact, then it's always better to get more understanding than to misinterpret what your spouse means.

When responding, let your partner know you heard what they said by restating what was said, such as So you are saying you feel..." Don't be upset if your spouse tells you that you have misunderstood; if this happens, look at it as an opportunity to learn more about your spouse and then you can put your effective communication skills to good use.

Effective Communication Skill #5: Acknowledge Gender Differences

In order to use effective communication skills, it is important to understand that men and women communicate differently. Men often share because they want to give information or solve a problem. Women tend to talk to connect with someone or to get information. Women usually talk more about relationships than men. Men are often more concerned about details than women. It is crucial to keep these differences in mind to reduce long-term frustration and instead build understanding.

By keeping these effective communication skills in mind, you and your spouse will be on the road to a more successful relationship with fewer arguments and hurt feelings. You'll understand what makes each other "tick" and get to know each other on a deeper level through effective communication skills.

Additional Resources:
http://www.healthfinder.gov/orgs/HR2417.htm
http://marriage.rutgers.edu
http://marriageandfamilies.byu.edu/
http://www.oznet.ksu.edu/library/famlf2/mf2297.pdf
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/healthymarriage/

EHarmony Marriage is a private way to get practical advice that's personalized for the unique needs of your relationship. Visit www.eharmony.com and choose the program that fits your situation.