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How does dessert fit into an overall balanced way of eating? I've heard a lot of parents say to me: "He hardly eats anything on his plate, and then he wants lots of dessert!" For many families, this can be an area of conflict. How can you let your child eat dessert without having eaten his meal?

Let's first look at what dessert means to you. Is it a special sweet treat to be earned? Maybe you've heard, or even said: "Eat two more bites of your green beans, and you can have dessert." Here's one I've heard at the grandparents' house: "Finish everything on your plate, and then I will give you dessert." If dessert is something to be earned it follows that it could also be taken away for not eating enough or for poor behavior. This was recently overheard in the hall at preschool, when a mom was picking up her cranky over-excited little boy: "That's enough, I've had it, no dessert for you tonight!"

In this context, I'm sure you can see that neither of these approaches is ideal. I'm sure we can all think of other creative ways to reward good behavior, or choose natural consequences linked up to less than ideal behavior. Why would we reward a child for eating a certain amount of a specific food with another "special" food, dessert? This just sets up sweets as something magical and almost forbidden, and we know that what is not accessible becomes more desirable.

What if we saw dessert as part of the meal rather than something to be earned for good eating or good behavior, or taken away for punishment? I invite you to look at dessert as simply another opportunity to expose your child to more foods, in different forms. It adds variety to the menu.

If you look at dessert this way, then it is served without making a big deal out of it. Dessert isn't on a pedestal, and neither is it demonized. Remember that ALL foods have a place in an overall balanced diet. You can let your child know if there is dessert with the meal, and what it is, so she can do her job of eating just enough for her needs. And yes, that means that she may not finish everything on her plate. You offer dessert no matter what, but each person gets only one portion. One portion of dessert is not enough to fill an empty belly. If you stick to that, your child will soon learn that dessert cannot replace a meal.

For some families, for whom dessert issues have become a disruption at mealtimes, they choose to diffuse the tension by putting the dessert on the table with all the other foods in the meal. They then allow their child to eat the dessert at any point in the meal. It is truly seen as just one of many parts of the meal.

Is this discussion making you feel panicked that your child is going to leave his vegetables on his plate and just eat cake? I know that pushing a child to eat more vegetables often stems from the worry that he isn't getting enough nutrients from the meal. To help ease that worry, try redefining what you offer for dessert for the time being. If you look at dessert as just another part of the meal, the same principles for balanced eating apply to it. Think about prioritizing real food on the dessert menu, with at least some nutritional value most of the time.

Once the pressure is off and dessert is normalized, the whole environment around the table often becomes much more relaxed. This then paves the way to self-regulation, and a healthy attitude towards food and eating.

Image: Miss Yasmina