Exceptional. Atypical. Childhood with a twist.
However you choose to look at it, some children face additional challenges. And as such, their families don't tend to walk the well-beaten, more typical parenting path. (You know, the path we imagined in our heads when we first decided to become parents? Frankly, I'm not even sure if that path exists at all. What's "typical" these days, anyway? But that's a post for another day.)
Between three children, my parenting experience is anything but textbook. In this house, we have mental illness, a severe processing disorder, two cases of hearing loss, and a transgender teen. Also, my youngest brother has Down Syndrome, giving me a sibling perspective in my family of origin, too.
Atypical is the new typical over here. And I've learned a lot from it.
I used to envision that well-beaten path and wish I were on it. I felt buried by the additional responsibilities of dealing with situations I hadn't anticipated: appointments, therapies, medications, tests, and stress-so much stress. If we were on that path, how simple life would be! How easily the days would flow!
And yet, how very much I would have missed out on.
Because the thing is, despite the challenges, there is so much to learn about life, love, parenting, and empowerment when raising children with multi-faceted needs.
Here are five of my personal favorite takeaways.
Lesson 1: You realize there is life after scary news.
You just got hit hard with some unexpected news, or maybe you've finally had your suspicions confirmed about what's going on with your child. It can be scary, maddening and heartbreaking to find out your little one has more to deal with than you ever imagined.
It's true: this new life will not look exactly the same as the one you had before. It will have its challenges, but it will also have its joys. Change is scary, but it is not the end. This is merely the beginning of something new. (Emily Perl Kingsley writes about this unexpected change of plans in her essay, Welcome to Holland.)
While it might not feel this way immediately, you will learn that life goes on. What feels abnormal will become your new normal, and things will fall into place-in time, and maybe after a few tears are shed.
As human beings, we are inevitably hit with unexpected changes throughout our lives. Knowing there is life after the storm is an important lesson for everyone in the family.
Lesson 2: You learn just how powerful love is.
There's love, and then there's unconditional love.
Love stretches only so far before it breaks. As it turns out, unconditional love-like the love between a parent and child-can be stretched, tugged, twisted, stomped on, run over by a train and set on fire without that bond even coming close to breaking.
There are times with exceptional kids of any kind where life can get overwhelming. The extra responsibilities drain us, watching our kids struggle breaks our hearts, and advocating for our children can push us out of our comfort zone.
But that love never fades-not even close. In fact, it only seems to get stronger.
Witnessing the power of love and its unbreakable bond? Incredible.
Lesson 3: You gain a new perspective on parenting-and life.
Your anxiety-riddled son made it through an entire day without a panic attack.
Your daughter, who is on the spectrum, made eye contact with a stranger for the first time.
Your child struggling with language delays just put two clear words together.
For some parents, these might not seem like big milestones (making eye contact is not out of the ordinary for most children, after all). But for you, this is a cause for celebration, as is every time your child pushes the boundaries of what he or she can do.
Perspective is everything. Parenting might not look like you thought it would, but it's still full of surprises and joy, excitement and cheers.
Life has become about living in the moment and celebrating the little things. And let's not kid ourselves: it's a great way to live.
Lesson 4: You make strong connections with others who get it.
Friendships are forged through shared experiences, and the more powerful the experience, the deeper the connection can become.
Community is important in all parenting, but especially when raising exceptional children. Getting to know other families who are dealing with the same issues can help us better understand the path we're on, find available resources and treatment options, and discover special accommodations and life hacks to make everyday living easier.
It's also extremely therapeutic to have other people who just "get it." No explanation necessary. No questioning stares. No awkward conversations. They understand when it's a bad day, when you just need to vent, or why something seemingly small to most would be a milestone worth celebrating to you.
In short, community takes on a richer meaning-one you might have otherwise never experienced.
Lesson 5: You realize you're capable of getting through anything.
The thing about stepping off the beaten path is that you're forced to make your own way. You have to clear the brush and trample the ground yourself. There's no question it's harder work, but it can really show us what we're made of.
Family members of exceptional children often come out the other side stronger, wiser and more compassionate than we ever thought we could be. We've faced some days that are frightening, frustrating, and downright exhausting, but here we stand.
And most days, we're still smiling, too.
As a friend of mine recently told me, "Honey, you are made of bamboo: you're strong as steel but can bend like the wind." In other words, those of us who have faced these challenges have learned to be incredibly resilient. It's a gift that serves us well.
I have my wonderful, exceptional, amazing children and brother to thank for these lessons. And even though some days are hard, I know I wouldn't be the person I am if not for them.
As it turns out, this path isn't so bad after all.
Image credits:
"Wooded Path Baltimore" by Christopher Sessums via Flickr.com
Unnamed photo, Tookapic via pixabay.
"Boy with Down Syndrome" by Vanellus Foto - Own work. Licensed under CC BY-SA 3.0 via Commons