Happy Anniversary?


Little Me, May 13, 2000

Little Me, May 13, 2000

Ten years ago today, I got married. In a church, with all of the trimmings. My wedding cake had more ruffles than my dress.

“Happy anniversary!” my ex-husband said merrily this morning, on the phone, as we discussed kid details. We’re still co-parents, though no longer spouses.

I kind of want to celebrate, but feel hemmed in by what’s expected of me–or that nothing’s expected of me. I’m maybe supposed to feel bad. Mournful. I did have a verklempt moment, but overall, I feel happy. I love being a mama to my two children. I never would have moved to Santa Fe, gotten hired on at Mothering, or met my soul mate and partner, Laura (not the art director here– my Laura), if I hadn’t stood on those stone steps ten years ago today, while our assorted nearest and dearest blew soap bubbles at us. One thing had to follow the other to land me on this particular square of life path–this particular square of “I love my life” path.

(Peter might still have met his new lady love–she has a gallery here and his father does, too.)

But, I’d probably still be in my Lower East Side walk-up apartment, or at least on the East Coast, suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder and super-frizzy hair, thanks to the lack of sun and surfeit of humidity.

Cheers to celebrating anniversaries even when the initiating wedding has morphed into a whole different scenario. My instincts were right, even though my vision for my life back in 2001 turned out to be an illusion.

candace and laura bookstore

PS: The kids look sunburned here, but they’re just flushed from the heat. I actually had my SPF act together that day : )

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8 thoughts on “Happy Anniversary?”

  1. Celebrating anniversaries, with little thought to occasion, is necessary and important, as is celebrating all that brought you to this wonderful place! Cheers!

  2. I remember that wedding well — as I was in attendance. Something important to remember is that as long as we are true to our selves whatever path we choose is the right one. All the necessary bumps and twists and turns simply lead us, albeit it slowly, to where we are ultimately supposed to be. Keep on being your unique, inspiring self, Candace! Oh and Happy Anniversary…


  3. Sometimes I feel hemmed in by significant dates. Sometimes a single date has multiple anniversaries. Like Dec. 16 – the anniversary of my first date of my first long term relationship – a man who turned out to be a horribly abusive person, someone I thought might actually kill me. Dec 16 is also the date my husband (different guy – much better) started active duty in the military. Neither anniversaries are good or bad in themselves; they’ve led me in their funny way to who & where I am today, and I am happy to be me, here, now. So I know exactly what you mean. And I try not to worry about how I *should* feel; I feel what I feel without excuses.

    Happy Anniversary

  4. My husband and I just re-married a year ago on our original anniversary but in the years we were apart, I would celebrate with the kids and call it family day because that is the day our family was born. I think it helped them see that it was still important to me and that they could still be happy about those days.

    Wonderful topic- thanks for sharing this!

  5. Kai, I know what you mean! I often feel like people who are supposed to be my “family” have birthdays that are bunched close together with other family members. My ex-MIL’s birthday is very close to my sister’s and dad’s birthdays. It seems like a date can be a marker of a portal that you can use more than once to go through to (learn) different things.


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