How to Breastfeed Appropriately: A Stern Guide

Two days ago thousands of mothers flocked to Targets across the nation like they do every day but this time, with breasts full & nipples poised to launch a milk attack against the retail giant. The demonstration or “nurse-in” was in response to a lactating female being asked to feed her child in a changing room, away from public view, rather than in a corner of the store days earlier. Upon hearing this news, leaking women from all over the United States descended upon their local Tar-zhays with babies and proceeded to feed them from their private parts as a way of saying “We’re here, you can leer, get used to it”

What breastfeeding mothers don’t seem to realize is that it is entirely inappropriate to expose upstanding citizens to teat nourishment in a public setting. We’re thrilled that you’ve chosen to feed your child the way nature intended but do we have to see it? I mean, we don’t pee in public (unless we’re drunk) and would prefer that you would show us the same courtesy.

Here are a few tips that mothers should & need to adopt to help the rest of us feel comfortable.

1) Use a cover. Every time. There are many fancy ones on the market. Damask. Lace-trimmed. Or how about a swaddling cloth (if it’s good enough for Jesus, it’s good enough for you kid)? Statistics show that human beings love being in confined spaces. Babies are on their way to becoming full humans so this applies to them as well. I personally eat many of my meals under a loosely draped fitted sheet in my bedroom and find it quite enjoyable. The importance of air circulation has been exaggerated by democrats and Al Gore; do not be fooled. When your baby’s mouth is fully affixed to your udder leaving only two little nostrils to breathe, why wouldn’t she love breathing in repeat Co2?

During the summer months, place two little straws in your baby’s nose scuba-style so that cool air can be retrieved without making us all barf from the sight of your boob flesh.

2) Use a bathroom. Who doesn’t love a public restroom? The next time your baby starts fussing for a taste of your nectar, find the nearest stall or portable potty and nurse standing upright. I suggest a few arm curls at home to deal with the wriggling and maneuvering. If there’s no hook for your diaper bag, just put it on the floor or toilet. If you’ve used your uterus more than once and have a 2nd, or worse, 3rd child in tow, ask the critters to join you in the stall for their safety. It’s like a party! Don’t worry, if you’ve raised them right they won’t touch anything. Perhaps an iPad will keep them busy.

Good babies nurse for between 10-15 minutes so you’ll be out of there before you know it.

If you’re rude enough to bring a baby to a public eatery, it’s still your responsibility to leave the table for the bathroom to nurse. Your meal will be waiting when you return. If your appetite is affected by the smell of light sewage, consider the fantastic weight-loss ramifications and be grateful.

The message is simple: whatever you are doing in public, drop it to move to a private area. Shopping? Leave the cart. At a remote park? Find an abandoned train car. Be considerate.

3) Stay home. It would be easier for you and all of us if you just spent the day in your casa. There’s lots to do: television, hanging out in the backyard (don’t nurse there unless you have a high enough wall- again, RESPECT), cooking, cleaning, laundry, and of course, Facebook. This way you won’t be tempted to whip out a milk bag while the working world goes about their important business.

4) Use bottles. When you leave the house, switch to bottles. If your baby hasn’t used them before, shame on you for not preparing your infant for the real world. Everyone knows that it is very simple for babies to switch between the breast and bottles and won’t at all impact his or her ability to continue breastfeeding in a socially appropriate setting.

Pumping breastmilk is simple, fast, and easy. Just squirt out a a gallon, save it in the fridge and pour it into one of the thousands of bottles available on the market as you need it. Yes your breasts will become painfully engorged, hard to the touch, and will most likely soak your shirt when you’re out & about, but isn’t knowing you’re saving the rest of us from feeling mildly uncomfortable worth it? Take one for the team.

If your baby refuses the bottle, just keep pressing. You’ll break her spirit eventually. If not, see bullet #3.

5) Try formula. Why are you breastfeeding anyway, selfish woman? Not only are you denying others from bonding with your baby via feeding, you’re ruining a pair of perfectly good boobs. Despite the claims of science, breasts are to be admired, not ravished for the sake of a small child. Formula is very inexpensive and just as good for babies. Science doesn’t support my claims but I have good feelings about them. Your pious act of breastfeeding your child is not only creating unease, but making moms who use formula feel bad. Stop doing it.

6) Get some morals. Do you have sex in public? No. Then why would you engage in what is obviously a sexual act with your child? Just because something is natural, doesn’t mean we all want to see it. This isn’t France- we don’t skip around naked eating baguettes and bad smelling cheese. We’re American. We have ethics, God, and Kraft singles. I lived in Orange County and saw lots of breasts displayed in malls, but they weren’t feeding newborns and their areola areas were (generally) kept under a tank top so these women were celebrated. There are breasts splashed all over magazine racks, on television bouncing up and down to hip hop and popping out of tight plastic NASCAR bodysuits but that’s different. We’re OK with boobs if money has been exchanged. Has your cheap baby paid you? No? Then wrap it up.

In conclusion, breastfeeding is for lazy, exhibitionist, thrill-seeking mothers who have nothing better to do than to make the rest of us shrivel in disgust. Your behavior is ruining our country so if you can’t sufficiently hide it to the point that we have no idea it’s even happening, don’t do it. A grandmother somewhere said that she nursed all eight of her babies without anyone knowing and if someone did something, it means you should to. Because if there’s one thing we all know, people did things better and were far more moral in the past.

Offending people is a crime and very wrong.

This land is your land. This land is my land. From California to the New York island. From the redwood forest, to the gulf stream waters, this land was made for you and me. And as partial owner, you’re freaking me out.


Bunmi Laditan

About Bunmi Laditan

Bunmi is a mother, writer, and social media entrepreneur living in Montréal, Canada (by way of California). She has two girls ages 6 and almost 2.

225 thoughts on “How to Breastfeed Appropriately: A Stern Guide”

  1. I sincerely hope this blog post is simply a poor attempt at humor and not the author’s true opinion on feeding babies naturally. You may not be comfortable enough with your own body to breastfeed, but it is wrong to treat other mothers as criminals for doing what is the best for their children.

  2. Love it! Too many people have forgotten why we have breasts to begin with… And what sarcasm is lol! You made my day!

  3. Funny as Suga Honey Ice Tea! I didn’t even know this event happened and still participated… Fed my precious right in the Starbucks cafe area in full view of the stores’ check out lanes and man was it packed full of adoring women that couldn’t wait to get a look at Miss Morganna! They all applauded me for nursing her and was amazed at what a calm happy baby she is! Duh! She doesn’t have to wait for her meals and they all come prewarmed!

  4. “I personally eat many of my meals under a loosely draped fitted sheet in my bedroom and find it quite enjoyable.”

    That really tickled me!

  5. No mention of the outrageous offence of seeing bottle feeding in public? Those wicked bottles are just breasts in disguise and should be covered up too. Perhaps they could be made to look like a bottle of wine.

  6. Lauren, I thought it was a pretty good attempt at humor… it made me laugh! Especially this part:

    “During the summer months, place two little straws in your baby

  7. This is awesome! Personally there is nothing I love more than eating my lunch in a port-a-pottie in the middle of the summer. Oh and I also love draping a towel over my head, it’s too bad I never thought of the scuba straws, I’ll have to try that with number two. πŸ˜‰

    Seriously, though, well done! I would have laughed but my toddler is sleeping and I don’t want to wake him.

  8. I’m am so glad I kept reading until the end as I now have tears from laughing so hard my belly aches.

    I think this is the best commentary I have ever read about NIP.

  9. Hey now, if eating under a napkin is good enough for priests eating ortolans, it’s good enough for your baby!

    *Note, that was sarcasm, in case you missed it.*

  10. This post makes me wish I was still breastfeeding so I could go NIP! Thanks for the laugh and the support to all those mothers who feel discriminated against!

  11. Well done. Just love it! Completely refreshing from a mom who clearly understands. A response to the editorial in the Buffalo News?

  12. Awesome…I loved it! Thank you for the laugh…I needed one after having to fight my own mother on the issue of breastfeeding in public! :)

  13. “Poor attempt at humor”? YOU must be kidding. The piece is clearly dripping in sarcasm and the author is absolutely hilarious! No offense, but…DUH!

  14. I love this article so much that I think I might love you, too.

    How does anyone see these arguments as anything less than ridiculous??? It’s beyond me!

  15. Haha, wow, I don’t know why it surprises me that some people have no concept of sarcasm. I think I laughed more at Lauren’s comment/attack against the article author! Clearly she has no idea why the article was written in the first place…

  16. Oh my word of this is amazing this is perhaps the best post on breastfeeding I have ever read…….. sharing this on facebook and I hope people read it. so many good points made in a lighthearted manner. bring all the kids in the bathroom stall it’s like a party !!! Let me stop whatever I’m doing in public and find a private place…. I cannot even express in words how great this article is . bravo bravo bravo : ))))

  17. Ladies, from now on when you go out to eat in a restaurant, be sure to bring an extra blanket, large. When someone tells you to cover up, smile and say “Sure thing! And here’s a blanket for YOU to eat YOUR meal under. Since YOU will be eating covered up, and won’t be able to see us, I am sure we won’t offend you. Therefore, it won’t be necessary for US to be covered. Bon Appetit!”

  18. I love this. The sarcasm is great!!!! We all need to take ourselves a little lightly sometimes. The sad thing is I have heard a lot of these comments at my LLL. I have been talked down to there for being an open nurser by now leaders. It’s sad when it’s our support groups that criticize for public open nursing!!! We should nurse openly it normalizes it for the next generation!

  19. Bravo!! I absolutely love it!!! I always NIP and always had comments to others dripping in sarcasm. Forget Nursing in Public, ,let us Mama’s Nurse In Peace!!!!

  20. Hey Gang – don’t pick on Lauren. :) I was also a little slow to get it. A few sentences in I was thinking “oh-oh”. It wasn’t until “scuba straws” that I knew for sure the author was joking. But OMG – hysterical. LOVE this!!!

  21. LOL! Yeah, obviously this is a completely sarcastic article. I hope you can enjoy it. I don’t think the attempt was poor in the least. It was funny!

  22. Maybe it’s time for a man’s view on this.

    The article was very entertaining and funny, but I am amazed at how many women think it’s OK to breastfeed in public without covering up. BerkshireMom’s comment in particular. That seems to be the typical “I’m going to do what I want and the rest of you are just going to have to deal with it” attitude that permeates society today. Very selfish. Not at all concerned with how you might be making everyone else around you feel.

    It would be so simple to cover up and avoid the whole conflict, but no, apparently, “It’s all about me.”

  23. Poor Lauren. I agree. Sorry but sarcasm or not this article is ridiculous. It’s hard to write and get your point of sarcasm across. My husband and I didn’t find this funny. This was a complete miss.

  24. That’s just it. It isn’t easy to cover up. I’ve tried. A lot. My child has full on screamed and wrestled with blankets and covers since she was born (and now, at almost 7 months old.)

    If it was easy, I’d have no problem doing it. But it’s so tough that even those of us who planned to cover up and nurse in public often don’t. Because it actually makes more of a spectacle. Your babe is screaming, and you’re wrestling your bra, top, breast, and baby under a blanket they desperately want to kick off.

    I get where you’re coming from, but it’s just not feasible for a lot of us.

    And nourishing my child is more important than a stranger’s opinion of me. Sorry. That’s just how my priorities lie. I’m discreet about it; I’ve never been criticized for it, and I’ve never flashed a single soul. But I have a legal right to feed my child in the best way I (and research shows) know how.

  25. What the f);;$k why would you even bother publishing this? Why even publish negativity ? I am at a complete loss of how our race has lost touch with itself what the bloody hell is wrong with us breast feeding is the most natural thing a woman can do … God help me if someone ever says that to me !

  26. Evan, it would be even simpler for the person watching the nursing mother to turn away and avoid the whole conflict. Truly, you are okay with teenage girs wearing hotpants to church, but threatened by a mother caring for an infant?

  27. One might want to consider that it is selfish of people who have issues with female chest flesh (men seem to be OK with going toplesss) to demand women cover up. It’s selfish of you to not turn your head if you are offended. The needs of an infant outweigh your need to feel comfortable. The need for a woman to be able to feed her child without feeling as if she needs to hide under a tarp outweigh your feelings of uncomfortable arousal or nervousness.

    It’s not a woman’s job to make men feel comfortable when she is caring for her infant and juggling life. It is selfish of people to ask others to conform to their level of modesty.

    PS. I was very uncomfortable with the clothes you had on today. Tomorrow, please wear something different. See how ridiculous that sounds?

    Adults need to learn to deal with their discomfort. It is not one’s job to morally police others.

  28. I agree, Evan. I am a nursing mom and the thought of not covering up in public has never crossed my mind. I guess some of us have common courtesy and some don’t. Everyone has their own opinion and that’s fine. I just don’t want to push mine onto anyone else.

    I did think the article was entertaining and comical.

  29. Hello,

    I am researching attitudes about mothering with some of my colleagues at the University of Mary Washington and our students. We are collecting data from mothers over the age of 18. The purpose of this study is to learn more about how beliefs about parenting, including about breast feeding, relate to maternal well-being.

    Feel free to share this information and link with your friends. You can post it on other online venues you feel might be appropriate as well.

    Thanks in advance for your help!

    Miriam Liss, Ph.D.

    Associate Professor of Psychology

    University of Mary Washington

    1301 College Avenue

    Fredericksburg, Virginia 22401

    Phone: 540-654-1552

    Fax: 540-654-1836

  30. looooooooooooooooooove it. made me laugh out loud, woke up my (gasp!) cosleeping baby. sharing it. some of the comments have made me laugh too, but in a less friendly way. x

  31. I can’t believe the author of this article has ever breastfeed a baby period or tried to breastfeed in a public bathroom stall with or without a toddler in tow. It isn’t a comfortable place to go to the bathroom let alone breastfeed a baby and have a toddler hang out for 20 minutes.

    Breastfeeding in public with a simple cover of some kind should be a natural event in America. It helps the mother feels included back into society. Breastfeeding isn’t public sex or necking. It is feeding a baby the way God intended a baby to be fed. Breastfeeding is something society should promote.

  32. Evan its not all about “us” it’s about what is best for our children. If a man truly knows how crucial and important it is for a baby and toddler to get the nourishment from breastmilk then the whole issue would be dismissed. Seems to me that people are getting caught on their own feelings about the subject. If people ever bothered to look at a nursing child and see the look of content and bliss on his or her face that in itself tells you why it is important and why nursing moms and fathers that support them will Breastfeed time and time again.

  33. Thanks Brittany. I find the whole conversation bizarre. A brief glance at American history takes us to times when showing knees and shoulders was considered risque. Where women who showed knees behaving inappropriately? No. They were going against the social norm of the time.

    Nursing women who find it difficult or ridiculous to have to go through lengths to “cover up” a part of the body that has been oversexualized to the point of lunacy are not being inappropriate. They are taking care of their children.

    It takes a lot of nerve for an individual to impose their standard of modest- whether it’s knees, elbows, shoulders or breasts on someone else. Especially when the action being taken is as vital to a healthy life as breastfeeding.

    Be uncomfortable for 2.5 seconds and then use your neck muscles to turn your head. That’s what I do when I see leggings worn as pants. I turn my head. Because my feelings are not law and they do not bind anyone. They’re my feelngs- a set of acquired judgements based on my culture, upbringing, and interpretation of life. They’re not all that important.

  34. My breastfeeding days are more than 25 years in the rear view mirror. Breast feeding was a lot less common then – so we were swimming upstream, I guess. I breastfed in public a lot, but found that almost no one even realized that’s what I was doing.

    I go in just as many public places as anyone else, and I rarely see moms breastfeeding immodestly. I think the in-your-face attitude is mostly born of the criticism they receive for trying to do the best for their babies. Quite honestly, that attitude begins with shocked and hurt feelings. We thought moms were applauded for caring for their children rather than abusing them in public. And people really want to get overwrought over women who are breastfeeding?

    It is curious to me that a woman can wear a dress cut down to there and a skirt so short she can barely even sit down, and there seems to be no outcry. Does that not seem worse to you than a young mom feeding her baby? It isn’t a germ-y bathroom activity. Personally, I think the acceptance of the inappropriate and lack of acceptance of the appropriate is a telling diagnostic of our pornified culture. The very fact that it de-sexualizes a body part commonly thought of as only sexual seems to be to be where most of the angst comes from. I don’t want to be disrespectful, but that comes pretty much just from men.

    It’s true that some proponents of breastfeeding are a bit over-bearing about it, so I hear you about that, Evan. (And thank you for your attempt to be reasonable rather than to attack.) I don’t think it is a winsome or really even a necessary attitude women to take in most situations. But it’s good to remember that mothers are hard-wired to go into mama bear mode for the sake of their children. And it’s true that women who are being as discrete as possible have been the victims of overzealous airline attendants, store associates, and restaurant managers. It isn’t always an “it’s-about-me-and-tough-luck-for-you” attitude. I also have to ask what harm that’s doing anyway – even if I don’t like their attitude. Long-term damage to those who are their “victims”?

    Would you rather protect your children from seeing a mother who is breastfeeding or from the porn that is completely pervasive in our culture? From the movies, magazines, and television that leads girls and women to terrible attitudes about their bodies? Parents are giving daughters breast implants for their 16th birthdays, for heaven sakes. Personally I fear for my grandchildren. Seems to me we’d be wise to re-evaluate and move on to the things that are actually damaging us and our children.

    I’m not hating on “a man’s point of view.” I think some women could afford to be more sensitive and considerate. But I also hope you will be able put your viewpoint in a much larger cultural and moral context.

  35. I laughed so hard I startled my nursling and she unlatched spraying milk all over her face. Then I read the comments and laughed a little more. Sure, saying ‘i an going to do what I want and you have to deal with it’ sounds selfish, but so does ‘i don’t care if your child is hungry and you are in pain, or that your shirt is getting wet, you have offended my delicate sensibilities and must be punished. You are henceforth banished to the bathroom where I don’t have too look at you!’

  36. Well, Evan, my husband, father, and both brothers think it is selfish to ask women to cover up while doing something normal!

    How do you like them apples?

  37. Mothers have a tough enough job, let them get on with it! If you have a problem looking at breast feeding then it seems simple enough to simply not look. Easy, really.

  38. Ellen, thank you for sharing. I’ve heard about this “in your face” attitude but have never seen it. Has anyone actually seen a mom wagging her breasts around in an attempt to make people feel deliberately uncomfortable? Even if there are women like this, I feel as if they have little to do with mainstream breastfeeding and the emotional hits women take when attempting to do so in public.

    Public breastfeeding is probably the best thing that can happen to teens. Both boys and girls. To see the female body, especially the breasts, reframed and pulled back from the marketing industry to their originally and beautiful purpose would be a wonderful thing.

    What better way to combat the objectification of the female body than to highlight it’s fantastic “mechanisms” (for lack of a better word). What if girls treasured their bodies and their breasts because of their unique function rather than the shape and size compared to that of Kim Kardashians.

    Breasts are not intrinsically sexual. They are an erogenous zone, yes, but for many, so are earlobes. And necks. Modesty is extremely relative. Demanding women cover up only serves to sexualize breasts even more by making them a taboo. This hurts breastfeeding as many women are too ashamed to nurse in public, many babies will not nurse covered and therefore many of these women, who want to lead normal public lives, naturally choose bottles as part of a modest lifestyle.

    Many women also choose bottles because they find breastfeeding “gross.”

    We need to help women and men see breasts as both beautiful, erogenous, and intended for the nourishment of children simultaneously.

    I’ll say it again, modesty is relative and learned. For those who assert modest from a religious point of voice- the Bible actually talks about women covering their hair as a form of modesty. I’ve never read anything pertaining to breasts. Correct me if I’m wrong.

    But even if it did, to make someone else responsible for ensuring your sense of comfort is wrong and silly. Live your life and let others live theirs.

  39. I think you’re confused. This is obviously a j-o-k-e. As in, just kidding “HAHA!”, you know? It’s funny, I promise :)

  40. I especially like #5 about formula feeding and how we shouldn’t dare to make other people possibly feel guilty by our own choice to breastfeed. :)

  41. Had to respond. Was ready to get defensive then ended up chuckling as I sit on the couch with my nursling. Breastfed him for like 20 min in the sling while walking around in Costco today. No one noticed because I *gasp* didn’t cover up. I did cover up with my first for the first few months but learned to nurse discretely without a cover and have never figured out again how to use a cover with my second. I tried but he screamed and pulled it to no ends. I find that covering up just draws attention to what you are doing. Most of the time people don’t even know when a mother is breastfeeding.

  42. I should also mention that the men in my family see breastfeeding as totally normal and don’t understand the need for covering up and think it is ridiculous for a mom to be asked to breastfeed her baby elsewhere.

  43. It’s so true! My husband was just saying how he’d rather see women breast-feeding everywhere than the clothing some women choose to wear. His point was that he sees more breast in certain fashion statements than he does when I, or our friends, nurse in public. And he’s a very “modest” person. Regardless, he doesn’t say anything to the scantily clad. Why the heck would he? It’s none of his business, regardless of his opinion.

    Again, thanks for the amazing post:)

  44. Well, I am uncomfortable taking my teenage sons out because of women dressed in low cut tops, thongs showing above their pants, belly shirts and other garmets that do not cover up their bodies…..but you are uncomfortable with a women who has a baby, a purse, a diaper bag and possibly another child on her lap showing a little skin!! I bet you never are uncomfortable with the Hooters Girls!

  45. ok, i loved this article. i even laughed, but is it sad it also made me mad. because you know some idiot some where really feels like this, and that another idiot is gona read this and take it to heart and totally miss that is was f’in hilarious and a joke. sigh. America needs to lay off those kraft singles. all that fake is going to it’s brains and rotting them out.

    keep writing lady:D great read!

  46. Man, I wish someone would say something to me while I’m nursing in public someday. I live in a state that protects breastfeeding, so I have the law on my side. I’m not the type to flash or hang out on purpose, tho. Actually, I’m very modest. But just try and make me leave a public place or tell me to cover up! I AM covered, thank you! Nothing is showing!

  47. This was hilarious!! My mammary kitchen has been closed for more than a decade and I cannot believe that NOTHING has changed in these past 12 years.

    Next time you write a post such as this one you might have to put a “Remove stick before reading” disclaimer…..

  48. Bunmi, girl, I love you! This is fantastic! And it’s obviously been way too long since I’ve seen you, since I didn’t know you moved to Canada. Off to find you on FB! πŸ˜€

  49. Bunmi what a brilliantly written article absolutely loved it. Looking forward to having my third baby soon and hopefully finally having the confidence to feed in public without shame and embarrassment! Its given me a lift and I wish I could reproduce it verbatim if required. Will lodge a couple of classic quotes in my pregnancy brain.

  50. Evan,

    I suggest you carry your child around for 15 or so minutes with a blanket draped over both your shoulder and your child. This will give you a great idea of how “easy” and comfortable it is.

  51. Loved it!

    The “you should stay home” argument particularly gets me. There really are people out there who think nursing moms can and should stay home 24/7 until they are finished with the repulsive business of feeding their babies.

    I’ve never had trouble myself when nursing (in all sorts of places, usually covered), but whenever there’s an online discussion on this topic some geniuses pop up with this concept in the comment section.

    In my mind, where does that end? Do you tell a developmentally disabled person or senior with dementia to stay out of the public eye because they might act erratically or inappropriately on occasion? What about someone who is simply unattractive and not pleasant to look at? When did *anyone* get the idea that the entire world should be catering completely to their oh-so-delicate sensibilities?

  52. So funny! Ellen’s reply was spot-on. I have never witnessed an overzealous nursing mom wagging her bare breasts in people’s faces, either, and I live in a very progressive, feminist town. The most revealing thing I’ve seen here is shirt pulled under, exposing the whole breast, as opposed to shirt pulled up, covering the juncture between boob and baby face. Once in particular, said pulled down shirt mama was just about having her boob ripped off by her curious toddler who kept popping off to see what was going on around her. And it was more funny than offensive. I think it’s quite possible for most moms to nurse discreetly, and it’s ever so easy to look away.

  53. Wonderful piece of satire!!! So hilarious I read it out loud to my hubby- he laughed along with me (oh, and I was breastfeeding the whole time, so baby added a few milky chuckles). Absolutely brilliant!!!

  54. This was great!! My parents insisted that I hide in the extra bedroom when I nursed my first at their house… Doubt they ever noticed when I nursed the other 2, but I certainly didn’t see the need to hide. Because I was in their home and knew they didn’t like it, I was very careful to be discreet, but I have never seen someone whip it out like we do the very first time in the hospital to learn!! We are women after all and there is little we can’t do with class! Including the horrible breast feeding thing!!!

  55. There are two things I don’t get with all this brouhaha in the media.

    1. How is breastfeeding in public is like peeing or pooping in public. One is food, going into a mouth. The other is waste and needs an appropriate receptacle.

    2. I totally get modesty and morality. How about manners? Didn’t the offended person’s mothers teach them to mind their own business? Did they omit or forget this part of etiquette?

  56. Too funny! I especially love the part about the baby not compensating for exploiting my boobies. Come to think of it, this lil bugger is living in my womb RENT FREE!

  57. Hysterical and insightful! It reminds me of Jonathan Swift’s “A Modest Proposal.” Those who didn’t see the humor or comprehend the satirical tone are missing out.

  58. I don’t know, I think it was hilarious. It’s so obviously sarcastic it can’t NOT be hilarious. I just think people who don’t find this funny need to 1-learn the concept of sarcasm or, 2- loosen up a little.

  59. Hilarious! Thank you! As a mother of four, it is interesting to see how people (including myself) have changed in their opinions of breastfeeding in public with my first child compared to my last. My husband loved the article too – we have had this discussion for YEARS! Thanks again for the laugh! :)

  60. “The needs of an infant outweigh your need to feel comfortable. The need for a woman to be able to feed her child without feeling as if she needs to hide under a tarp outweigh your feelings of uncomfortable arousal or nervousness.”

    I’m sorry, WHY exactly does one person’s needs outweigh another? Are you better because you gave birth? I have no problem with your breast feeding in public, as long as you don’t get offended if I stare. It’s natural. But you can’t say one person, even an infant, has more important needs than anyone else.

  61. It bothers me so much to read comments that are so negative on the subject of nursing, especially because the people who post them will NEVER change their point of view no matter how you would try to make them see. BUT, I must see the absolute positive of this article – the fact that it was published at all!! It’s empowering and I feel like the population of nursing moms is growing!! I am so proud of this! We have a long way to go, but here’s to making NATURE *NATURAL* again; birth, breastfeeding, and raising our children!!

  62. My youngest is now almost 22. When people asked me to retire to the bathroom to nurse, I asked them when the last time was they ate a Big Mac in the restroom. That usually shut them up. Thanks for the great satire. It is almostv lost art.

  63. I was the same. Maybe I’m a little slow, but so many differing opinions out there! I wasn’t sure what I was getting myself into.

  64. A bottle of Coke? Are you implying that if you feed your baby formula, as opposed to breast milk, that you are feeding your baby pure crap?

  65. Thank you for a good laugh! Laughing is good for the soul and god knows I need the release from all the crap people were writing on message boards and such re: the nurse-in.

  66. Yes, Evan, it is time a man weighed in on the subject. When you find one, please direct him to this article.

    My husband has never commented on a woman breastfeeding in public. You know why? Because he is a real man. He is therefore not disgusted by the sight of a breast, not selfish enough to ask another person to go out of her way to make him comfortable, and not threatened by the idea of a breast being used for a purpose other than his sexual pleasure. He knows that the relationship between a nursing mother and her child is an important and personal one and he looks the other way because it is none of his business. He extends the same courtesy to nursing mothers that he hopes others will extend to me and our daughter.

    This is what grown up men do. What does that make you?

  67. I haven’t laughed that hard in a while! I think I really lost it at about “boob flesh” and it just escalated from there!

  68. That’s not a mans view Evan. That’s your view. I totally support my wife breastfeeding when we are out. It’s not just about my wife, it’s about all of us. What if I want to take my wife out to dinner? Am I supposed to go alone just because our baby is breastfed? Am I supposed to leave my baby at home with a sitter? What is it any of your business what I do? In my family when we do things as a family, we take the whole family, baby included & we’ll feed the baby just like we feed our other kids & ourselves. Free country & all that.

  69. let the author apply herself and her close ones the suggestions made in the article, rather than temptation to published it.

  70. PLEASE write more articles like this :) It was so great! I must have my friends read it regardless of if they breastfeed or not.

    Also, I am finding Evan’s comment the best. I’m laughing hard because I am picturing him wrestling with a bra, a shirt, a wiggling baby who keeps batting down the nursing cover, all while being discreet!

  71. Evan…do you have a baby? Can you borrow one for 10 mins or so? Please do. If/Once you have obtained said baby, I respectfully suggest you fill a bottle and procceed to feed baby under a blanket at the earliest opportunity. The blanket must completely cover the entire baby and your chest, starting prior to offering the bottle. For further accuracy, please have the bottle stored in a snug fitting bra, which you must unhooked to remove bottle, and keep your shirt above your nipple throughout the entire feeding. Once you have completed this simple little trial, please do come back and instruct us poor uncoordinated mommas on how to do it. Don’t forget a step by step tutorial. I’m a visual Learner.

  72. Wow, that was incredibly funny! Did you see that far side type comic that showed a milk cow nursing her baby with a nursing cover? I had that image in my mind the whole time, died laughing.

  73. I’ll nurse under a blanket when you pull your pants up over your butt crack and put on a shirt that covers your beer belly.

  74. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!! this needed to be said SO MUCH! i enjoyed the giggles and appreciated your approach to all the ridiculous criticism breastfeeding has gotten in our country. kudos!!

  75. Hey “awkwardmama”,

    Just read your post about your local LLLL’s being against public breastfeeding. If they talk about this now as LLLLs, and whilst they are in their role as LLLLs, they are not living up to their roles. Leaders are supposed to talk from fact and not mention personal opinions/experiences. It’s part of the communication training.

    Perhaps next time something is mentioned by them whilst they are “in role” you can say in response “what is LLL’s official position on NIP?”

  76. Have responded to two replies, now have to respond to the blog!

    Great post Bunmi. I wish the word “stern” wasn’t used in the title, as it’s both an adjective and a family name, so I think a lot of people might go into the article reading it as Stern’s Guide, not a stern guide, (especially as there is a travel book series called “Stern’s Guides”. This coupled with the two opening paragraphs mean many people clearly won’t know it’s a satirical until several paragraphs in (or at all).

    So this said, I’d repost again with another title, just as a sociological experiment!

  77. Utterly hilarious. And if you didn’t understand that this was satire/humor, then you don’t read enough. :) Go find a book.

  78. Even though I mostly agree with Evan (although the responses are changing my mind), you’re wrong.

    1) We’re talking about the needs of two people (mom and baby) vs. the needs of one (you, the viewer). 2 > 1.

    2) Yours isn’t a need, it’s a preference. As a normal, emotionally stable adult you are not long-term affected by seeing a boob. Even the mother’s desire to not cover up isn’t really a need either, but in the scheme of things her comfort affects her ability to properly nourish her child (as children pick up on emotional state), and therefore her want should be given greater weight than yours.

    2b) However, the baby’s need for a comfortable dining experience affects her well-being, and therefore IS a need. Need > want

    It’s not a question of “who’s better”, but rather of which is more cosmically important.

  79. What an awesome article! While Hubby and I haven’t had our first baby yet, I know we will be a nursing family. While I think nursing and NIP are wonderful if you feel comfortable, I am quite hesitant to nurse in front of men, whether it’s family or in public. With women and children, I am fine- but because of our culture and some peoples beliefs and sexual attitudes towards women, I don’t want to be looked at in a sexual way by men. To clarify- I don’t think bf’ing is sexual, but I don’t want to be looked at by those that do. bottom line for me is it’s a personal decision whether to bf or not and where to do it. Just because I’m more comfortable in a dressing room doesn’t mean it doesn’t make me so happy for people who choose to NIP.

  80. I was at first going to comment to say I second Evan’s opinion re: “just cover up, it’s easier”, but after reading the responses I’ve changed my mind. I’ve never had any problem with women breastfeeding in public, but I figured that it’s just more polite to use a cover rather than “whipping it out”, as it makes some people uncomfortable to see a bared breast in public.

    However, I now know that for many mothers, it’s very uncomfortable to use a cover, and I would rate their comfort above my own (see my comment to Alex, #comment-44373).

    I still think that if the mom is doing it “deliberately” just to prove a point, then they’re being selfish and wrong — that would be “whipping it out”. But, from the comments, that’s improbable, so I recant :)

  81. I am directing this comment to Evan in manspeak. Ladies, you are welcome to engage but please excuse the crudeness with which I speak…

    Dude, it’s just some side-boob and maybe a flash of nip’ (not to be confused with NIP). I am sure you are damaged by some sort of fundamental flaw in your upbringing, maybe daddy didn’t like mommy (or you) or the church you attended was a little stuck in the 50s, but chill out. Do you have children of your own? If yes, then you must be a hassidic jew, or Amish, If no then kindly STFU, vote for Rick Santorum and bitch about it when he doesn’t get elected.

    Ladies, let me tell you, the biggest obstacle to Women being able to NIP, is other women. I see more Women that want to shelter their children from the sight of human flesh then anything. Guys like Evan are not the norm, guys like Alex are considerably more prevalent in society (which is fine) Guys like me… well, let’s say God broke the mold after I was born, and I am married, so tough luck πŸ˜‰

  82. OK.. to the “guys” that are against this.. seriously?!? you need you mancard taken away. “I want all breastfeeding women to cover up their bewbs!” what the heck is wrong with you? What kind of man are you? sheesh.

    To all of the breastfeeding women. If any of you need a safe and quiet place to feed your babies, feel free to come to my house any time. so long as you don’t mind the ogling. and yes, I got my wifes permission for the invite.

    Funny as heck and i am definitely sharing this to all of my friends.

  83. When I started reading this article, I felt that way, but by the end, I totally saw the sarcasm. I mean, once they mentioned sticking straws in my kids nose so they can breathe under the cover, i started laughing so hard that I had tears running down my leg!

  84. I loved it! I found it true how everyone wants you to hide or leave if your NIP. I loved this one ” During the summer months, place two little straws in your baby

  85. This was definitely hilarious! Very well done although I do have one thing to add – to some cultures, it really is offensive to show your breast[s] no matter the reason and for that reason, there are some situations where I will not breast feed in public. A part of my husband’s family is of a certain religious sect where breastfeeding in front of them would be very disrespectful to their culture. Of course, I think it’s silly but there are a lot of things that I think are silly about other cultures but I’m not going to blatantly disrespect those beliefs if doing so does no harm to me or someone else. I do think the culture of those are you while you breastfeed is important to take into consideration.

  86. this was great…as a bf mummy who has proudly fed all 5 of mine in public, i have never had the enjoyment of being asked to use the local toilets….in fact, i think the determined look on my face normally tells people to “go on just try it!!” as i would refuse to move and make them call the police first… i love your blog, hopefully it will make some of the blindsighted people think about what they are asking when they request any of the points you covered..

  87. I agree did you even read this?!?! If you just glance over it (like I did at first) i could totally understand why you would be upset. However if you read it you will find it funny, unless you dont get sarcasim

  88. Ah yes but to you the “its all about me and what I want” attitude is PERFECTLY fine for the hot chick exposing more of her T&A than any of us nursing moms do I’m sure. :p

  89. HILARIOUS. I liked, “if you’ve raised them right, they won’t touch anything”. LOL!!!!! I couldn’t care less what anyone thinks about me breastfeeding my baby. Especially now, at 10 months, she looks like a toddler and repeatedly pulls off to check out her surroundings. Whatever. I’m sustaining life, the way it was meant to be. Without breastfeeding, there would be no human population. Do other mammals cover up their nursing babies? The critics of this article are people who didn’t or don’t breastfeed their babies and would love to think of a reason that it is bad. It’s not the breastfeeding women’s fault that you didn’t nurse yours. Get over it.

  90. As a working and breast feeding mother I find this hilarious. I came across this article while I was surfing on fb and pumping at work!! I would like to think sarcasm is my first language and I thoroughly enjoy it. As a new mom I do keep myself covered out in public or with certain relatives around out of respect for them. Everyone I know fully support my decision to EBF. I agree with one if the trainers that it also had slit to do with culture. As a mexican-american I would actually be down talked had I chosen to formula feed. I don’t believe there us anything wrong with formula feeding it’s just not something I prefer. Anther person was right in saying that within we know this is pure sarcasm done people strongly believe in what you are saying. All in all. I LOVE THIS ARTICLE!!!!! Keep on writing. :)

  91. Next time I will definitely remember to think of others’ feelings and comfort first above my baby’s needs. Heck if they’re tired I’ll give them a piggy back ride around the store. Lol

  92. I think she more meant that a bottle of coke is more acceptable then seeing a breast or even a bottle. Babies are awful things that should not be seen eating. LOL

  93. Alex,

    There is a big difference between a need and a want. You WANT to be comfortable; to never see a woman’s breast being used to nourish an infant.

    The baby, however, NEEDS to be nourished.

  94. Yes, funny how nobody seems bothered by girls in skimpy tops and booty shorts, or the half naked celebrities on magazine covers, but when it comes to nursing in public, suddenly everyone is oh-so-concerned about “decency.”

  95. My husband, who is the father to our five breastfed children, just regards it as wonderful if we or he happens to see a woman breastfeeding in public. He knows that the mama is providing optimum nourishment for her baby (which costs society less in the end, as affordable healthcare begins with b’feeding) and that they are doing exactly what nature intended.

    His outlook on the whole issue is that if someone is offended by a woman breastfeeding in public, then they should by all means put a towel over their own head.

  96. I should also mention– my dad is a Lutheran pastor in his 70s who believes that babies should be fed whenever they are hungry, or nursed whenever they need comforting… even in church, if that’s when they need it; even if mama is sitting in the front row of church. No need to cover anything beyond normal discretion. He’s never had a mama whip out her boobies in the front row and wag them in his face during a service; they’re just trying to feed their wee ones. And the babies who are b’fed at early signs of hunger in church are the quiet babies…

  97. When I have to feed my children my ‘common courtesy’ is being paid to my children. There is nothing for to hide when I feed them, whether it be breast, bottle or solid foods. I respect a woman’s desire to cover up but I will not be doing any of that. It doesn’t make me immodest or someone lacking respect. It makes me NORMAL.

  98. Great job of satire. It’s not often that you see a long article about such a sensitive subject written so well. For those who are confused about what satire means, it would SARCASM! I suggest reading “A Decent Proposal”. Short story about how to take care of the starving upper class. Apparently people don’t read classics since it’s not found on Amazon.

  99. what is this crap! what a load. if i want to feed my child in public i can. the part of babies being on there way to becoming human had me livid. yea i get this may be a joke but really?! i bet the person who wrote this had been breastfeed in public multipule times. i as a mother am hurt that people can be so selfish to think that they are more important then a child. guess not world a baby infant child whatever the mother has is more important then you and your thoughts. if your uncomfortable dont watch leave or go away. dont tell the woman she is doing wrong. she is doing righ tby her and her child so grow up and be more considerate. thank you

  100. Brittany- I think you completely missed the point of this article. It was saying every thing you said, just from a sarcastic point that is entertaining. Well written!

  101. I’m not a fan of other people’s body parts being on display. That being said, in my experience, moms who NIP never display their breasts, as the baby covers pretty much everything. I’m extremely conservative and formula-feeding my little one (I failed breastfeeding 101), but I’ve never been offended by NIP, because I have yet to actually see any mom’s actual body parts. I mean, what is everyone so offended by? It’s not like anyone takes off their whole shirt and bra and feeds their baby topless (at least, not in public)! Even if you’re an uber prude, YOU CAN’T SEE ANYTHING!

    And if I find some success in BF baby #2, I’m feeding him/her when and where they get hungry, and I’m not covering up. This is coming from a pastor’s wife who wears high-cut tops and doesn’t show ANY skin. And anyone who is offended by a mom feeding their child and not showing their parts (which is pretty much all nursing moms) needs to just get over it because they’re being offended by something benign. That’s their own issue.

    Honestly, I think that most of the people who are offended are just self-conscious (or just don’t understand it) because they didn’t breast-feed their own children. I know people who are offended at just the sound of it, even if baby is covered. And guess what: They didn’t breastfeed their now-grown kids. Makes me think it’s about more than just boobies. πŸ˜‰

  102. Brittany, it’s satire. She’s taking the extreme opposite position from what she believes to prove that it’s assinine. You don’t have to be mad at her. She agrees with you. I think we both do.

  103. Love this! Love the sarcastic tonation as well! We just had a rather large debate on my facebook about this. Where people claimed it was morally reprehensible for me to feed my baby in public without a cover. Granted, I’m not exactly brave enough to feed him sans cover just yet (he’s about to be 6 weeks old). However, I did try the whole bathroom feeding thing at a restaraunt a few days ago…it sucked. :( I cannot even imagine doing so with a bigger, wiggle worm of a baby! He pretty much lays there right now, but it was tough like that!! I think people just need to grow up and realize, our breasts were meant to feed our babies!

  104. im pg and i blame hormones lol i know that she was being sarcastic now lol. i just get jumpy and such at stuff like this.

  105. I’m cracking up! So much that my little nursling is giggling at me between gulps. :) Thanks so much for this. I think you’ve also pointed out some very valid arguments for nursing moms everywhere. I’ve never been able to pinpoint all the reasons why I shouldn’t have to cover-up or avoid nursing in public, I just knew that I shouldn’t have to. You nailed ’em all and I hope you’ve encouraged nursing moms everywhere to feel entitled to what should come naturally!

  106. Don’t worry – you will be a pro soon! I can now push a cart with my 2yr old in it and feed my 5 month old while walking down the Target aisles! Feeding in a bathroom is awful! I’m sorry you felt like you had to do that. :(

  107. Oh and you forgot that breastmilk is a bodily fluid so it shouldn’t be secreted in public. You don’t poop or pee in public do you? Its just unsanitary. Thats why people store it in their fridges and freezers for use later with the food they eat, buy it at milk banks, formula companies spend millions of dollars to “reproduce” it, and lastly, feed it to their children. Lactating women should just wear bio hazard shirts whenever they go out, just for the safety of all…

    Nice article, definitely put a smile on my face… πŸ˜€

  108. I want to tell all those naysayers out there that I don’t like watching them chew their food – it grosses me out – so they need to go to the restroom and eat sitting on the toilet. PDA makes me uncomfortable so they should also stay home because I don’t want to see it! Ha! I’m sure there are people out there who are reading this and are actually agreeing to everything, not realizing it’s sarcasm. How sad are they?

  109. Try looking up “A Modest Proposal” by Jonathan Swift. I’m sure you’ll find it.

    And while we’re in the realm of satire… perhaps his proposal would help alleviate this problem of all the mommies nursing in public! :)

  110. I am not a breastfeeder, but support women who choose to. There are many reasons why some women do not BF..medications..not successful, etc..I think we should be supportive in any situation.

    I thought this was great! Well written and gave me a few chuckles.

    Some people just have weird views of what’s right. I actually had someone in my family tell me that bottle feeding in public is just something that you should not do. Why not?? If a baby is hungry, a baby is hungry. Should I starve him? Unfortunately, this is an issue that will probably always be debated.

  111. I never post comments, but this was the most hillarious thing I’ve read since “A Modest Proposal” by Jonathan Swift.

  112. This is just hysterical! As a mom of 2 (soon to be 3) I loved the comment about dragging your little ones into the stall and having a party with IPad entertainment! And if you raised them right, they won’t touch anything! HAHA!

  113. April, that is totally awesome! It’s so true, I think by about 4 months in I felt good enough to bfeed while at a movie, but before then I found it awkward. I hope that for #2 I am as capable as you with a toddler in tow! My 25 month old is still bfing from time to time now. It’s a wonderful thing.

  114. This is all fine…right up until the part about bottles. Millions of women don’t have any choice but to pump breast milk and bottle feed because they have to be at work during the day. Not everyone gets to be (or wants to be) a stay-at-home mom. Your section there, especially “You’ll break her spirit eventually,” was really insulting to those women.

  115. That part made me almost gag. Even thinking of having to put my purse on the bathroom floor! Yuck yuck yuck! I have nursed in a bathroom before, but never again. Next time ’round I will be getting a cover for those times where I feel the need to be even more discreet.

  116. Robin, you are right, alot of women have to pump & bottle feed. It takes a major commitment to do that and I admire women who do that, it is not easy. I think her point is that people just assume it’s no big deal to pump and some babies don’t do well switching between bottle & breast, so it’s a struggle. I don’t think the author intended to put down women that pump, on the contrary they should be commended for their dedication to do what’s best for their babies!!!

  117. This post was well written and very funny. I have been blessed to have successfully nursed seven children and over the course of time did nurse them in public. Church, McDonalds, Target’s snack bar, Costco’s snack bar, Fred Meyer’s furniture section, movie theaters, school music concerts, parks, moms’ groups, malls, and so on have all doubled as eateries for my nursing children. Luckily for me I have not received any negative comments. I am very discrete, because that is what makes me feel comfortable, and have had total strangers (men included) come up to me an engage me in a conversation while I was nursing. More often than not, people just thought I was holding a sleeping baby.

    With my last two babies I discovered Blush and Undercover Mama products. They allowed me to nurse without being self conscious about my post partum ‘muffin top’ and back hanging out for all to see.

  118. See, this is what happens when you get too many friends on fb….it leads me to a blog like this. I think I am the only male here, and frankly, I find this article unobjectionable!!! Great visuals…”place two little straws in your baby

  119. I remember when the site manager at my office objected to my boss putting up a blind on the office window so I (and another co-worker who had just had a baby) could pump at work while we were nursing. He told my boss – loudly and unkindly – that if we wanted to do “that” we could go to the bathroom. My boss, bless his quick thinking, said, “How about I go into the men’s room and make you a sandwich, then? This is their babies’ FOOD sir, and what you are suggesting is the “unsanitary” option here.” LOVED IT!!

  120. I can’t believe someone would think breast feeding is selfish. Have you any idea how much better for the infant breast milk is over formula. Get your facts straight. Formula is NOT inexpensive, and breasts are made for breast feeding, not admiring. Are you kidding me?!?!?

  121. The only people with issues here are obviously the ones who feel uncomfortable with seeing a little bit of skin!!!! Breast feeding successfuly is one of the most difficult thing a mother can do for her child! How dare you compare it to having sex in public or even suggest that it is anything like a sexual act! Everywhere else in the world it is considered the most beautiful natural thing a mother can do for her child. FORMULA does not have the same benefits as breat milk does. There are dozens of researches done to prove that fact. So please do use breast feeding mothers a favor and just turn your check the other way like anyother mature adult would do.

  122. I got a cover from Uddercovers for my daughter. It was a $30 cover and I only paid postage! You might want to look into that if you have another.

  123. Uddercovers also has a deal that you only pay postage. I got one for my daughter.

    Unfortunately there are a lot of people that actually “think” the way the author was “talking”….. They are the ignorant ones!

    I love the sarcasm in this blog. I just don’t understand why porn is so accepted, but breastfeeding in public is not…. ?????

    Society needs to take another look at mothers and children and see that it is perfectly acceptable for a mommy to breastfeed anywhere. When that baby is hungry then he/she needs to eat.

    And a bathroom is NOT ACCEPTABLE!!! Would you “uncomfortable” adults eat in a bathroom??? I certainly would not, I didn’t feed my children in a bathroom, and my grandchildren will not be fed in a bathroom.

    I would also like to give my regards to all the mommies that went to the “Nurse-In” at Target!!! LOVE IT!!!

  124. I guess you failed to see the sarcasm and underlying humor? Obviously nodbody could write an article like this and be serious!

  125. I am a working mother. I pumped for about 15 months. Now I nurse my dd when I get home and on weekends. My DD takes bottles when she is not with me and I was not offended. I too think she was referring to the challenges of bottle- and breastfeeding a baby. I didnt find it the least bit offensive.

    I am very proud of the effort I made these past months – working and pumping, overcoming and preventing bottle preference, taking care of your supply- but it is a reality that if you are not careful, then working and bottlefeeding can get in the way of nursing your baby. I have to work, so I dont have the option to be a SAHM. I also made the decision to let them feed EBM to my baby with a bottle at daycare. However, whenever I talk to another mom about breastfeeding and going back to work, I have to be objective and I will mention everything there is to consider and the potential complications bottles may bring to their nursing relationship…and I think that is what she is referring to. How bottles can be a pain :-)

  126. I often see those who are either anti-NIP or are uncomfortable say that breastfeeding moms should cover up so that others will be comfortable or that moms who NIP are being disrespectful of those around her,well why should she forgo her own comfort levels to appease others? Why is the breastfeeding mother always the one being disrespectful isn’t respect a 2 way street?

  127. LOL I think all nursing moms should print out copies of this and carry the copies with them when they go out. That way, if anyone complains about them nursing their babies in public, the mom can just hand the stranger this blog post and all will be well. πŸ˜€

  128. I nursed all four of my children. Just Wednesday my 23 month old actually. I was ridiculed with third child while in a restaurant eating with family. My son was needing fed. I covered myself with a blanket and nursed him at the table. The manager of the restaurant told me “this is a family restaurant and we would appreciate if I would feed my child elsewhere “. I was apauled and embarrassed at the same time. I did not know how to react. I stopped nursing actually apologized for my actions. I was so upset with the fact that she was contridicting herself and had the nerve to say something to me. I have always been discreet about nursing my children although its perfectly natural. So many young women today are self conscience enou

    Due to judgements made by pure ignorance that when they have a baby they don’t even give nursing a thought! They feel its gross and degrading. Its horrible to think nursing as a second purpose for boobs…..body image comes first! God made us mammals and we produce milk for our baby to feed

    what did women do in the 18 the century…no formula and especially no choices on formula. Did the baby starve..oh wait…some has “wet nurses “..

    I could go on but I won’t.

    Thank God for my ability to nurse my 4 for all the natural and right reasons


    A healthy start I’m life!

  129. Don’t feel bad Brittany my initial reaction to the first few paragraphs was bad too. I think the satire clicked in at the co2 part.

  130. I know that the manager shocked you with that, but I do think a letter to him and if it’s a chain a copy to the corporate headquaters for your area would be appropriate. and let them know that not only will you be feeding your child elsewhere, you will also be taking your patronage elsewhere.

    and for the next time something like this happens, be ready to get up and leave saying “then I’ll also take my money elsewhere too” leave the table and don’t pay the bill.

  131. I was initially a little peeved too and frankly thought it was written by a man! But a couple points in and I was like, ok…that’s more like what I’d expect to find on a mothering website! Totally written as well as Swift’s proposal!

  132. May I suggest a sling for you baby? I bought a Close BabyCarrier. It’s great because,while it’s cloth,it is easy to get on,just slip it over your head. You can use it in 5 different ways. One of the best part is that,when you breastfeed you baby while having the baby in the sling,no one knows your nursing! The other great thing is being able to nurse while doing other things.Frees up your hands. Just a suggestion. Could be good for a new mother who is uncomfortable with doing the complete breastfeeding in public thing.

  133. I think she was actually making a point towards the people who tell breastfeeding women,who don’t have to go back to work right away,so maybe don’t need to pump if they don’t choose,that they should pump in order to bottle feed the child,for the sole purpose of not offending people when feeding the baby in public. I’m thinking the author wasn’t trying to offend any mothers of any kind,whether they have to bottle feed,formula feed,or any variation. It was all a rub towards the prudes who use the whole pumping and storing milk instead of “whipping out the boob in public”.

  134. As a Pediatrician, I MUST PROFOUNDLY disagree with your statement that “Formula is very inexpensive and just as good for babies.” Formula is FAR inferior to breast milk and it is definitely not cheaper than breast milk. Please do a 5 second google search before you decide to publish lies like this.

    To all the breast feeding mothers out there, GOOD JOB! You are giving your baby the perfect nutrition and the best chance for a healthy life. I am sorry that you have to deal with all this unnecessary ridicule, but dont let it stop you!

  135. Excellent! Great job, had me chuckling the whole way through! Although I don’t nurse my 20-month-old in public very often anymore, I have absolutely done it when I didn’t necessarily HAVE to, just to help normalize nursing in public. I will be a lactivist for life, but nursing in public is probably the most effective thing I can contribute to the cause, and I only get a short time to do it!

  136. JM, I think you missed the point of the article. Read it again. This is a satirical piece – meaning sarcasm. The author agrees with you. The author used sarcasm to point out how ridiculous these beliefs are.

  137. I like the valuable info you provide to your articles. I’ll bookmark your weblog and take a look at once more right here frequently. I am rather certain I’ll learn many new stuff right right here! Good luck for the following!

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