Here are some things to remember when supporting your loved one.
When I was 29, my mother called me and told me she'd been diagnosed with Stage IIIB breast cancer.


Her cancer was estrogen dominant, and she and her oncology team were fairly sure the replacement hormone therapy she'd been was fairly responsible for fueling fire. Her local doctor had missed some fairly tell-tale warning signs, and we all tried not to be bitter while we pondered next steps.

My mother has always been a fighter, though, and she attacked the cancer the best she could. Sadly, and heartbreakingly for my family, a year later, she died. She called me on my 30th birthday and told me it had metastasized significantly (despite a year of chemo and radiation) and I immediately went to her. They suggested more chemo and radiation, saying if she didn't have it, she'd be dead in four-six months. She started, but still died a month later.

Today, nearly 15 years later, I am happy to say that much advancement has been made in the area of breast cancer research and treatment, and every day, my prayer is fewer and fewer families have to learn to live without their mothers, daughters, sisters, wives, aunts, grandmothers, and beloved friends.

Related: Wise Words from a Mother Battling Breast Cancer

What can we do when our precious people hear the dreaded words? For me, it was hard because I was about six hours away and had a full-time teaching job. My husband was deployed to Japan for a year, and my father-in-law also was six hours away (in the opposite direction) with colon cancer. At the time, we thought he had less chance of survival than my mother, so every weekend, I was either six hours north with him or six hours south, simply to be there and do whatever I could.

And that's the best thing we can do. Be. Even if it is far away, there are many ways to help care for basic necessities families just don't think about when they are in the throes of cancer treatments.

Of course, the special surprise mailings of cards and gifts never fail to make days bright, but you know what also helps in ways we don't think of? Service.

If you are not near enough to be of service to your loved one, find organizations in their area that can help. Cleaning services, delivery services and more abound in this day and age, and I promise there's nothing like a grocery delivery from Amazon Fresh for the week's meals or a visit from a local cleaning company showing up at the door to take care of basic housekeeping needs.

More, as you can, offer to drive or sit with those who require treatment so they are not alone. As happens, 'real life' continues even when treatment marches on, and knowing a loved one is not alone means the world to those who feel responsible for her day to day care. My dad took my mom to all of her treatments, despite the work impact, and I wish I could have been there to help ease that responsibility. So often, caregivers pour their all into the patient, so giving them a break is a Godsend.

Related: When Your Surgeon Tells You To Remove Your Breasts

And, if you're the caregiver - if it's your mother or sister or daughter, take people up on their offers to help. People want to help, particularly if they are far away. Do not turn their offers for the cleaning or groceries or funds to help with day-to-day expenses because, in the end, it allows you time to do what's most important - being with your loved one.

Whether it's a phone call or FaceTime or Skype or handholding in person, your loved one will be so thankful for the gift of your time, even if it's in short spurts. You will too, because time is precious, and never recovered in hindsight.

And because I do know that thoughtful gifts brighten the day of both the giver and the receiver, there are a couple of sites I'd recommend because I am familiar first hand with their companies and their missions of helping our beloved sisters.

LauralBox's Illness boxes are thoughtfully crafted to bring a smile and comfort to those in treatment and recovery while Just Don't Send Flowers has an assortment of gifts that are tailored to various stages of cancer from diagnosis to treatment and recognize that many patients are sensitive to traditional gifts of flowers or scented lotions. Choose Hope gives a portion of proceeds to cancer research (and not just 'awareness,' as many 'pink' associations do) and I've used Healing Baskets for many different situations (like child loss, pet loss and divorce grief for friends).