If you have ever gone past your due date, you know what a mind game the waiting can be. As I wait on the arrival of my third little one and talk with other moms who have been in the land of limbo, I am reminded of the way our thoughts yo-yo between patience and urgency.
If you’ve been sitting on your due date with no signs of labor, I’m sure you can relate.
Well, this is weird. I really thought I’d be holding my baby by now. That’s okay. I know a lot of people go past their due dates. It’s normal. I still need to do a few things before the big day. Maybe I’ll vacuum the car out again. I need to dust the light fixtures. Maybe we could paint the bathroom this weekend. On second thought, I probably need to conserve my energy. This could happen any time.
What’s that tension I feel? Backache? Back labor? Gas?
Oh no, maybe the baby is posterior. Let’s see, let me feel my belly. Where is the baby’s back? Is that it? How are there two long hard parts? I know there is only one in there… surely. They’d know by now if there were two.
Sigh… Well, if the baby is posterior, there is still time for him to move. Probably, unless the baby is coming today. Seriously, maybe if I just sit really still and will my body to start contracting, it will happen. Or maybe if I take a long walk. Ya, that could do it. But first, I want to run the dishwasher one more time. Fold the towels. Curl my hair. I’d like for the house to look model-home ready when we come back in the door with our new baby. That could be tonight! I better get moving.
But if it’s not… maybe we can just do that this weekend. It would be nice to have one more weekend to just get prepared. But I don’t want to go past the weekend. Sunday would be great. Sunday night. Monday morning at the latest. What if I’m still pregnant Monday night? Or Tuesday? There’s no way.
Maybe I should poll all of my friends to see how far past their due dates they delivered. Then I can get an average and that will help give me a better time estimate. What am I saying? There’s nothing scientific about that. And I don’t really want to rehash the fact that I’m still pregnant with everyone I know. I’m well aware.
In fact, I kind of just want to turn off my phone, troll social media unnoticed and try not to draw attention to myself until this baby comes. If I could just stay in the house, with the lights off and take a nap every day, that would be great. If one more person asks me if I’m still pregnant, I might cry. Yesterday, the cashier at the grocery store made comments about how my belly is so low and how I look so uncomfortable. Thank you for commenting on my body, pal! A “good luck!” would have sufficed. I don’t need those kind of encounters in my life. So I’ll just lay low.
But I don’t want to go into labor after days of just sitting on the couch. I need to keep doing my squats, taking my walks, drinking my water, eating my protein. Ugh, I’m so looking forward to taking some weeks off from preparing for the baby and just holding him. Can that start tonight?
Is there enough gas in the car? I’ll go fill it up just in case. Who am I kidding? I’ll probably have to fill it up two more times before I go into labor.
What if my labor never starts? It hasn’t yet, maybe it won’t. Maybe I’ll just be pregnant for another week. Or two?
I know the number on the scale doesn’t matter, but I would love for it to stop increasing now. If the baby gains half a pound each week, and I am pregnant another two weeks… Nevermind. I won’t even consider it. All that matters is baby is healthy and growing.
But also that I don’t grow a giant.
And that the timing works out for my husband’s work.
And my deadlines.
And my midwife’s schedule.
Actually, two days from now would be ideal. So it’s okay that I’m still pregnant today. I’m good with it, even. No big deal.
Now if I could just think about anything else, that would be great.