Love and Sex: Keeping the Spark When You Have a Baby

Having a baby tends to put a damper on your love life. Having a baby tends to put a damper on your love life. A little effort and creativity guarantee that spark stays alive, even when you have a baby.

One thing that will quickly damper your sex life is a new baby. My husband and I have three kids, with a fourth arriving in March. After the birth of each child, our intimacy takes a plummet, beyond the six weeks wait after delivery.

It’s obvious why! Everyone is tired. Your newborn probably spends most hours suckling at your breast, crying, or pooping. Those amazing hours when she sleeps are the times when you want everyone, including your husband, to leave you alone.

Related: How to Love Sex When You Don’t Love Your Post-Pregnancy Body

Don’t think that your partner doesn’t feel the stress! Partners tend to feel the stress and want to pick up any slack around the house. The endless crying, which they often are unable to stop (because they may not be the one breastfeeding), puts them on edge. However, the last thing you want is for your relationship to end, or, in the case of marriage, to become part of the divorce statistics. Lack of intimacy is in the top five reasons for divorce, so try some of our tips for keeping the spark alive after having a baby.

1. Keep Communication Alive

Our first suggestion is to communicate. Ladies, don’t assume that your partner knows what you are thinking. I can’t even tell you how many situations were made worse because I assumed my husband knew my thoughts. Tell him what you need and what you are thinking! He might think that, because you spent all day with the baby, you don’t want to cuddle that evening. Be honest and tell him your needs.

2. Date Your Partner

There is no reason to stop dating your partner! Having a baby does make arranging a date night harder, but dates can happen in your living room. Sometimes, we put the kids to bed and order takeout, vegging out and watching our favorite shows.

You can plan a movie night at home or just cuddle together before bed. If you have a babysitter and money, head to your favorite restaurant. One of the marks of a great relationship is the ability to have a great time together. Laughter is crucial. My husband keeps me laughing all the time, and we enjoy each other’s company.

3. Relax and Have Fun

Ladies, we all know how we made that baby in the first place, and it wasn’t immaculate conception! Sex is and should be fun. Sex with your partner should be relaxed and enjoyable, with moments of laughter.

Related: Love and Marriage: 7 Tips for Healthy Conflict Resolution

Postpartum and breastfeeding reduce a female’s natural lubrication, so make sure you use lube! The first few times may be uncomfortable, which is why you need lubrication. Just don’t use too much or it ends up like a slip and slide!

If you feel uncomfortable, let your husband know. Switch up positions, speed, and angles. All of those make a huge difference in your comfort level.

4. Remember the Small Details

New babies tend to fog our brains, but the little details make the most effect. What are small details? Giving your partner a back massage after a day of work or running a warm bath. Making their favorite dinner or a dozen of favorite cookies. Little details remind the other person that you are thinking about them, and that is one of the keys to intimacy.

How do you keep the intimacy alive in your relationship?


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