31 Questions: The Most Revealing Parenting Quiz You Will Ever Take

parenting_quizWhen I was a kid, I loved the television show Let’s Make a Deal. I especially loved the segment in which the host, Monty Hall, would ask a woman from the audience to find some obscure item in her purse, such as a paper clip or supermarket receipt. I’ve been thinking that parents could play a similar game, looking for obscure items in the family room.

So, here’s the game.

Sit on the couch in your family room and see how many of the following items you can spot. Tally the points and leave a comment with your total. Let’s see who can get the most. Good luck!

1.  Beeping, flashing, ridiculously noisy toy that was a gift from your parents or in-laws and that you’re can’t wait to donate to Goodwill… 20 points

2.  Juice, fruit, or ice cream stain on the couch… 10 points

3.  Juice, fruit, or ice cream stain on the ceiling… 50 points

4.  Artwork that you are dying to recycle but are not allowed to recycle and that you will recycle in seven months when your kid forgets about it… 20 points

5.  Anything from a birthday goodie bag (e.g. Cheap plastic non-functioning harmonica; superball; plastic bracelet that was popular with Punky Brewster in 1985; plastic parachute guy who, if thrown into the air, will fall no more slowly than if thrown without parachute). Each item … 10 points

6.  Couch cushion fort… 20 points

7.  Bare couch with no cushions (that you are sitting on)… 50 points

8.  Electronic device that your child has taught you to operate… 10 points

9.  Unfolded laundry in laundry basket… 5 points

10.  Child in laundry basket… 20 points

11.  Plastic set of Tinkertoys… 1 point

12.  Classic wood Tinkertoys… 10 points

13.  One lone mystery Tinkertoy, even thought as far as you know you don’t own a set… 50 points

14.  Abandoned Monoploy money, Risk piece, or six-sided die… 10 points/each

15.  Doll head eerily rolling around on the floor… 25 points

16.  Any of the following books… 10 points each

  • The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding
  • The Baby Book
  • Good Night Moon

17.  Child-made paper mache anything (most likely pinata)… 25 points

18.  Nail clipper on window sill… 15 points

19.  Nail clipper and a small pile of nail clippings on window sill… 25 points

20. Undies (child)… 25 points

21.  Undies (adult)… 0 points

22.  Sippy cup or bendy straw… 10 points

23.  Balloon… 10 points

24.  Helium balloon… 20 points

25.  Helium balloon, mostly deflated, hovering at eye level that will scare the bejesus out of you at one in the morning because you think it’s an intruder or the ghost or your grandpa… 50 points

26.  Thomas the Tank Engine train tracks that you will step on at one in the morning after the balloon scares the bejesus out of you… 35 points

27.  Tin of pens and pencils… 15 points

28.  Tin of working pens and sharpened pencils… 50 points

29.  Reach under sofa cushion. If you find:

  • Pen or pencil… 5 points
  • Coins totaling more than fifteen cents… 10 points
  • Game piece… 10 points
  • Hair, lint and used tissues… 25 points for bravery

30.  Kid-related stain on your shirt or pants… 10 points

31.  Stain-free, wrinkle-free clothes… 10 points for lying

BONUS: Fifty points if you’ve had sex on the couch this year, cause good for you.

Tally your score and write the total points in a comment. Good luck!

Image: David Schiersner

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