The Last Days of Pregnancy: A Place of In-Between

The last days of pregnancy are a distinct time of in-between.The last days of pregnancy are a distinct time of in-between. It’s a tricky time for mothers, as these last few days are biological and psychological events.

She’s curled up on the couch, waiting, a ball of baby and emotions. A scrambled pile of books on pregnancy, labor, baby names, breastfeeding … not one more word can be absorbed. The birth supplies are loaded in a laundry basket, ready for action. The freezer is filled with meals, the car seat installed, the camera charged. It’s time to hurry up and wait. Not a comfortable place to be, but wholly necessary.

The last days of pregnancy — sometimes stretching to agonizing weeks — are a distinct place, time, event, stage. It is a time of in between. Neither here nor there. Your old self and your new self, balanced on the edge of a pregnancy. One foot in your old world, one foot in a new world.

Related: Pregnancy Week by Week

Shouldn’t there be a word for this state of being, describing the time and place where mothers linger, waiting to be called forward?

Germans have a word, zwischen, which means between. I’ve co-opted that word for my own obstetrical uses. When I sense the discomfort and tension of late pregnancy in my clients, I suggest that they are now in The Time of Zwischen. The time of in between, where the opening begins. Giving it a name gives it dimension, an experience closer to wonder than endurance.

I tell these beautiful, round, swollen, weepy women to go with it and be okay there. Feel it, think it, don’t push it away. Write it down, sing really loudly when no one else is home, go commune with nature, or crawl into your own mama’s lap so she can rub your head until you feel better. I tell their men to let go of their worry; this is an early sign of labor. I encourage them to sequester themselves if they need space, to go out if they need distraction, to enjoy the last hours of this life-as-they-now-know-it. I try to give them permission to follow the instinctual gravitational pulls that are at work within them, just as real and necessary as labor.

The discomforts of late pregnancy are easy to Google: painful pelvis, squished bladder, swollen ankles, leaky nipples, weight unevenly distributed in a girth that makes scratching an itch at ankle level a feat of flexibility.  “You might find yourself teary and exhausted,” says one website, “but your baby is coming soon!” Cheer up, sweetie, you’re having a baby. More messaging that what is going on is incidental and insignificant.

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What we don’t have is reverence or relevance — or even a working understanding of the vulnerability and openness a woman experiences at this time. Our language and culture fails us. This surely explains why many women find this time so complicated and tricky. But whether we recognize it or not, these last days of pregnancy are a distinct biologic and psychological event, essential to the birth of a mother.

We don’t scientifically understand the complex hormones at play that loosen both her hips and her awareness.  In fact, this uncomfortable time of aching is an early form of labor in which a woman begins opening her cervix and her soul. Someday, maybe we will be able to quantify this hormonal advance — the prolactin, oxytocin, cortisol, relaxin. But for now, it is still shrouded in mystery, and we know only how to measure thinning and dilation.

“You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That’s where I’ll always love you, Peter Pan. That’s where I’ll be waiting.”      -Tinkerbell

I believe that this is more than biological. It is spiritual. To give birth, whether at home in a birth tub with candles and family or in a surgical suite with machines and a neonatal team, a woman must go to the place between this world and the next, to that thin membrane between here and there. To the place where life comes from, to the mystery, in order to reach over to bring forth the child that is hers. The heroic tales of Odysseus are with us, each ordinary day. This round woman is not going into battle, but she is going to the edge of her being where every resource she has will be called on to assist in this journey.

We need time and space to prepare for that journey. And somewhere, deep inside us, at a primal level, our cells and hormones and mind and soul know this, and begin the work with or without our awareness.

I call out Zwischen in prenatals as a way of offering comfort and, also, as a way of offering protection. I see how simple it is to exploit and abuse this time. A scheduled induction is seductive, promising a sense of control. Fearful and confused family can trigger a crisis of confidence. We are not a culture that waits for anything, nor are we believers in normal birth; waiting for a baby can feel like insanity. Giving this a name points her toward listening and developing her own intuition. That, in turn, is a powerful training ground for motherhood.

Today, I am waiting for a lovely new mother named Allison to call me, to announce that her Zwischen is ended and labor has begun. I am in my own in between place, waiting. My opportunity to grow and open is a lovely gift she gives me, in choosing me to attend her birth.

Jana Studelska CPM/LM, is a licensed midwife practicing in northern Minnesota and Wisconsin. She has been working with babies and mothers since 1998–as a La Leche leader, a certified doula, a childbirth educator, a regional birth network board member, and finally as a credentialed midwife. She is an author and writer, and has won several national awards for her work. Currently, she is the MANA Region 4 Representative for the Midwives Alliance, representing the upper midwest. She lives in Duluth, MN, with her husband, teen-aged boys, and a herd of dogs.


94 thoughts on “The Last Days of Pregnancy: A Place of In-Between”

  1. LOVE this Jana. Thank you for articulating the exact thoughts I needed to clarify in my pregnancy-muddled brain.

    I have just begun my Zwischen time with baby number five and wish you were again along for this journey. You were a great comfort last time to me in those last few weeks. Now I find myself feeling more apprehensive and anxious, not knowing what a hospital birth will bring (or if I’ll even make it there!). I wish you were close and we could again do a nice quick homebirth. 🙂

    I am glad to see you writing here and sharing your wisdom about birth and mothers. We sometimes forget these things about ourselves.

  2. This is where I am right now. Just this past week I’ve started to feel all out-of-sorts. I try to explain it to my husband, but it’s hard to explain. One moment I’m caught up in imagining our new baby … the next I’m crying over my toddler because he’ll never be my only child anymore. I feel anxious, just having to get things done. I spent two hours in the kitchen the other day making lasagna completely from scratch — and then was so sore from all that time on my feet I couldn’t stand up for the rest of the evening. I obsessively gather my supplies, check them over, wonder if I should make more of anything. Right now I’m upset because all I want to do is finish planting my garden, but it’s too early, but if I don’t do it now, I won’t be able to get it done after the baby’s born for weeks. And I’m too sore to bend over the garden beds. But I planted things today anyway, and now I’m aching again. I worry obsessively about the babysitter for my toddler; how will she ever care for him the way I do? How long will it be for? At what time of day or night? Will labor be as bad as last time? Will my husband be better at coaching me now that he knows what to expect? Will I really connect with the midwife, or will her personality still frustrate me the way it does right now? Will I be able to nurse the baby from the start this time? How will my life change? How long will it take before I recover, and before having two kids feels normal?

    These and so many other questions. I feel like I have to get to this point of frustration and desperation for my desire to have this baby OUT to grow larger than my fear. If we never reached this place, we’d hold back.

    1. im so glad to read this. no one does talk about this. theres so much about pregancy and birth that is un said, and so many women and couples left feeling flustrated and a bit mental to be honest. id like to combine all the un said stuff and talk about it in hypnbirthing classes. its so hard to be still at a time like this. im curently abbout 41 weeks. my emotions are all over, i go from feeling really ready to prayying the baby doesnt come today. its my second baby, this time and pregancy is a whole new ball game, i hadnt factored in the feelings i might get about my toddler, and how it might effect her or how id cope with 2 or how little my partner would be able to emotionally suport me because hes so busy trying to phisically suport me and keep our toddler entertained and out of my hair. i was early with my first and expected to be this time, i co sleep, and still breast feed my toddler, and i think its that that im sturuggling with, how on earth will i juggle 2 kids in bed, waking at different times,. so much emotional work and quiet time to be had, so difficult though with a toddler running round and needing attention. lovely artical, so glad a friend sent it to me xxxx

  3. Jana, I wish with all my heart I had read this before my first baby was born…..22 years ago! I learned to birth intuitively and to honor that time, but nobody talked about these things and it surely would have helped.

    I love your writing style and this blog post. If you are interested at all, I am currently producing a body art book with several topics and I don’t have a writer for the maternity/birth segment yet. If there is any way you would be interested in learning more about the project, I would LOVE to chat with you. I can be reached at [email protected] or on FB at “Faces by Ren”. thank you!

  4. Thank you for this! I am “due” in 1 week yet always go past my due date. What a perfect description of this time. This is my 4th pregnancy and I am thankful to have gotten most of my “nesting” done the last 2 weeks…. as this week I feel the need just to be. to be ok letting my kids watch another show so I can just sit on the couch and rest… to do easy meals. To enjoy my husband. I am feeling and allowing my body to prepare the way for this little one, and I love allowing my body to do that in its own time.

  5. Thank-you so much for posting this. It brought me to tears because someone else was acknowledging the wonder of that time. With both my pregnancies, I couldn’t wait for them to be over, and then after birth, I would mourn those remarkable few weeks when my child and I were still of one body and the whole world could see my miracle. Next time I’ll remember to cherish that time.

  6. Love this – so touching and true!! My zwischen was an amazing time 5 months ago when I had already started my maternity leave and could do last minute nesting, reflection, and really up my hypnobabies practicing!
    Heather
    us-japanfam.weebly.com

  7. Love this post, thank you sharing your thoughtful insights! I’m heading into week 38 in just a few days, and up until now, I didn’t know what to call this crazy time.. in the last few days, I’ve been feeling like I’m slipping out of my head, but in a good way!! LOL I’m mostly serene and dreamy, with occasional surges in hormones/emotion… I’m enjoying this time – my Zwischen – and I thank you for this beautiful post that has given it a name!

  8. I absolutely love this post Jana and it describes so well this time. I am always gently encouraging my prenatal yoga students and clients to be patient, to wait, to enjoy and to celebrate this precious time. Would you allow me to put this article on my website with your blurb and a link back to the original Mothering article so that my mamas could read it? Just let me know if that would be ok. http://www.bellamama.co.nz

  9. im glad to have found this post again! 😉 im so glad that you’ve written it. this is the first, but certainly not last, time i will share it with a mother at 40 weeks who’s got people knocking on her (facebook) door wondering when, if, what. 🙂 this is what they need to hear. 🙂

  10. Thank you for this article. I am in my 37th week of my first pregnancy and have been intensely feeling through this transition. Its not always comfortable but I am also trying not to label certain feelings as “good or bad”. I like how you validate women by not telling us to “cheer up” or be excited when that is not what our truth may be in this period. I personally feel very inward and reflective but also heavy with emotion and have been having bursts of feelings. I don’t feel like myself and the truth is I am becoming something new, so my old self is mourning in a way and I think its so important to recognize how even these “happy” times come with their share of grief and emotion and to not shy away from these feelings. There is no perfect way to do this phase, just to honor and nurture whatever comes up. For now I am honoring the grief and the feelings of un-specified sadness and allowing them to rise up while I sit with them, not trying to change my state, not judging. Just being with whatever is. Thank you for articulating this in your article.

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  12. So very beautiful ! And comforting. My daughter is in this exact place and I love her so. Pefect time to read and share. John O’Donahue wrote THE BOOK OF BLESSINGS. In it is a poem called ” THE INTERIM TIME”. You would all LOVE it!

    Blessings, compassion and love to all in the zwischen……. the interim time….
    Rosette

  13. magnificent points altogether, you just won a new reader. What might you suggest in regards to your post that you simply made some days in the past? Any certain?

  14. Jana, this is such a beautiful and well written piece. I loved it 2 years ago when I was pregnant and I have continued to share it will all pregnant mamas that I know. Thank you for sharing your insight. I’m sure that this has brought so many women comfort and connection in this not to be overlooked or rushed stage of pregnancy.

  15. Wonderful insghts and articulation of this period Jana. An Australian woman quoted you in article in the Syd Morn Herald which is how I found myself here. Ah, now I see there are many pingbacks. Looks like you’ve coined a phrase, as they say! Are u writing a book?

  16. Just wanted to let you know how much we love this article! We send it to clients who are feeling lost in this time of in-between, and each one has told us how comforting and encouraging they found it. Thank you for these wise and loving words.

  17. Beautiful writing. I am a 23 year old college student and first time mother, 36 weeks 3 days and feeling like such a confused and frustrated emotional mess. Your writing has brought some purpose to my last leg of this roller coaster and I thank you ❤

  18. I find myself coming back to this article again and again. The first time I read it I wasn’t even pregnant. Then when I was 38 weeks pregnant I must have read it 10 times. Now, at three months postpartum I find myself reading it again. Sharing it with the mothers to be. It is so fitting and so needed. Thank you.

  19. Ahhh thank you for this article… I’m 39 1/2 weeks and it’s been such a reassurance to read this and really take the prompt to make space for all this. To let the deep intuitive take over and run the show, trusting it will finish when it’s finished and my baby will then make her way out into the world. To know there’s something deeper than what I can understand that needs to happen first, and the only way to let it complete its process is by giving up the need the control or track or understand or Do anything. So much appreciated!

  20. THANK you for this lovely, well-written article! I am a home birth midwife and I keep it in a file to send to my 39+ week Mommas, and every one of them has said how much it helped those Last Days.

  21. Wow – this is just a beautiful description of how it felt, much much more articulate than this round weepy, swollen footed woman could have managed. I so badly wish that I had realised that I should have given this time the reverence it deserved.

    “This round woman is not going into battle, but she is going to the edge of her being where every resource she has will be called on to assist in this journey.” – this line is just perfect. I try to describe my experience to the mums-to-be I meet and teach but fail so often to convey just how it felt. I didn’t have pain but it was so powerful and intense.

    Wonderfully put. I will share with everyone!

  22. Beautiful. Such an articulate introspective of the in between stage, one of many often overlooked stages of pregnancy. While I am currently 5 months post partum with my second I definitely am flooded with memories of my own “zwishchen” reading this. You truly captured this very challenging yet magical
    transitions. Thank you!

  23. Thank you for sharing this it’s so beautiful and really captures the essence of what I am experiencing, which I have felt has been belittled and shrugged off by people I’ve talked to and things I’ve read. This is powerful and makes me feel like my intense otherworldly feelings and emotions are valid and justified. I’m grateful my friend sent me this article.

  24. THANK you for this lovely, well-written article! I am a home birth midwife and I keep it in a file to send to my 39+ week Mommas, and every one of them has said how much it helped those Last Days.

  25. Hello, I am Lorie Chapman and I have been trying to get pregnant for over 7 years. Looking for ways online for so long, I first did Depo Provera Shot which i consecutively took every three months in order to get pregnant or fertile, but there was no way from it. I did Depo shot for 3 years constantly until the Doctors in Alabama told me to try IVF because I had Endometriosis stage 4 and I resulted to try IVF( In Vitro Fertilization). Months after my IVF nothing progressed and my situation became worse that my partner had already had plans or getting married to another woman which made me sort help in spell casters. I read a testimony about Priest Odunga how he had helped so many women with pregnancy and fertility problems. Of all options tried, I decided to give Priest Odunga a try. I am happy I am now a mother of twins. A boy and a girl. For over 7 years of marriage I received my help from this spell caster. I want to impact on someone’s life and make the person get help from a good spell caster that is why I put up this testimony on this website for you. Priest Odunga’s email is [email protected] gmail. com Once you contact him, he will help you fast

  26. I just wanted to send a note to thank marvelspelltemple @gmail. com for the little girl we got to cuddle today. My first interaction with Doctor Muna about Infertility Spell process, I was scared and had a lot of questions. However Doctor Muna was always there for me throughout the whole process and became a part of the family. The most precious moments were spent looking at the first ultrasounds of our little miracle and watching her heartbeat for the first time. Moments I will not forget for the rest of my life. I am so thankful that I went to marvelspelltemple @gmail. com as he knew exactly what type of protocol to put me on that was right for me. This was our first and only attempt and thankfully it worked. Again, thank you all for your expertise and compassionate Miracle. Because of it I will have a lifetime of memories of our little girl!

  27. I am in my Zwischen time…I am 37w+1d pregnant with our 2nd daughter and will be 43yrs old next mo. Was told, being considered due to my age to be “high-risk” (even though she has been perfectly healthy this whole time & I have felt good too for most part) that if she didn’t arrive by 39wks, that they would induce. So that means I have 13days (or less) to go. I really hope she will come on her own like her 4yr old big sis, who I had naturally with no epidural (for which I feel so proud of & hope to achieve again.)
    Tomorrow’s date of Jan 10 is tough for me b/c my mom died of cancer 16yrs ago on that date at only age 61. So I don’t have my mom to turn to for advice or comfort. It would be wild if I ended up having my daughter on that day, so would have a happy association with that date & feel also that mom had a little hand in that somehow looking down on us.
    I am still not fully prepared or ready (have baby clothes to fold into drawers, hospital bag to pack, figure out breast pump, vacuum car out, rearrange my 4yr old’s to make more rm for baby in our tiny home, etc…I am a slacker, but somehow it’ll all fall into place & work out.)
    Zwischen time…..soon my life will never be the same just as before with my 1st born…but will be the most blessed time ever when we finally get to hold our long-awaited baby in our arms! Much love to all the almost new mothers out there!!!

  28. I had my baby March 30, 2017 when I was 32. I found this article during my in-between time and instantly fell in love with the words and insight you shared. Now I share this article with every girlfriend who is in her time of in-between as she becomes a first time Mama. I absolutely love this. Thank you!!

  29. Thank you so much for this article. I am currently 40 weeks + with my 6th baby. I have never felt these emotions so strongly with my other pregnancies. I’ve been feeling like I’m losing my mind. I thought that maybe something was actually wrong with me. One moment I’m trying to get things done around the house to prepare (this is our first homebirth) and the next I feel defeated as if nothing will be good enough, clean enough, and my aching body requires a nap. I’m grieving the fact that my youngest will no longer be my youngest and I feel so guilty like I’m doing something wrong to her. She’s always been the most “mama’s girl” type out of all my kids. I get excited one minute for baby, telling myself she’ll come when the time is right and 10 minutes later I want to cry, thinking labor will never start. I feel as if I’m in some sort of limbo. I want my husband to hold me one moment and stroke my hair and an hour later I want complete solitude and feel like an animal that wants to hide in the woods to give birth in private. I feel confident one moment that I will be able to do this yet again (give birth) and the next I worry she’ll get stuck, or end up breech, or some other thing and I’ll end up in a stressful hospital environment again. Reading this just gave me the peace and reassurance I desperately needed. Thank you. I no longer feel like I’ve lost my mind. I UNDERSTAND what’s happening to me now.

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