Up & Down
Three young children ain’t for the weak of heart. Grown up needs aren’t always met and sometimes, tensions mount. How do we reconcile ourselves to this, we the generation of pleasure seeking, goal attaining, push-the-envelope, follow your heart, live by your dream, passionate participants in life?
An analogy that has come to me lately is that of a rubberband. My husband and I have been together thirteen years and right now the rubberband of our marriage is stretched wide. Luckily, ours is a thick rubberband that springs back to a small circle where our bodies can touch and our voices can be heard. But it is stretched thin right now, far and wide across work deadlines, a house that needs to be cleaned, dinner that needs to be cooked, a garden that needs watering, pets that need attending to, a sixteen month old who needs to nurse, a six year old who wants to read, a four year old who wants to fly an airplane, and more.
“I appreciate you because…” Sitting toe to toe and saying this sentence aloud, one at a time, back and forth for a couple of rounds each evening, is simple and effective.
Alone time: Each partner giving the other an hour “off duty”, either 45 minutes at the neighborhood cafe or while in the house; as in mom takes to her bed and dad takes over and no one is to disturb mom; both options allow for some mental quietude and the chance truly disengage from the flurry of needs.
Date night: It can be helpful to know that this can occur during the day especially, if your baby is young. Just a drive to the beach, lake, river or woods, even 45 minutes together can make a difference. A date can just be the attention on each other. I would advise against discussing bills or scheduling during this time. Try discussing music or books or anything that resembles a conversation pre-children.
My sister had this photograph of my husband and I on her computer and finally sent it to me today. It filled me with light and love; a beacon of our true nature and togetherness, the necessity of elasticity, and the electricity of true love.
p.s. please, add to the “remedy” list! we all benefit from each other’s wisdom!
About Jessica Williams
Jessica Williams created L.O.V.E. Parenting with a series of techniques for effective communication, deepened connection and more joy in parenting and life. Jessica is also the creator of www.UltimateParentingCourse.com with the best of today’s progressive parenting experts together in one program. Jessica is a featured expert internationally on both Mothering.com’s Ask An Expert and the upcoming www.KidsInTheHouse.com. Jessica is a regular contributor to Mothering Magazine’s All Things Mothering, LA Parent Magazine, LA Mom Magazine & DailyBuzzMoms. She has been interviewed on television and radio and taught workshops at family wellness centers, schools and doctor’s offices. Her BirthKit has helped women have a transformational & empowering birth. Jessica maintains a private coaching practice in her native Los Angeles where she lives with her husband and their three children. “Truly amazing woman. I love her advice.”—Carrie-Anne Moss. “All you have shared has helped tremendously.”—Lisa Bonet. “I am experiencing nothing short of a miracle thanks to your laser beam approach.” –Andrea Bendewald.