Oct 10, 2009
This week’s New York Times style video State of the Unions focuses on our very own Candace Walsh, Mothering features editor and author of Ask Me About My Divorce: Women Open Up About Moving On (Seal Press, 2009).
Watch the video, where Candace and her ex-husband discuss divorce and moving forward, on the New York Times site.
“Peter and I got married on May 13, 2000. Almost ten years later, so much has changed. Our marriage ended in 2007. We had a few years of transitional turbulence, but our underlying intention was to honor the friendship that was the bedrock of our relationship. We have a beautiful family, even though it consists of two parents who live in two separate houses, and children who spend half their time in each.
When I was growing up, divorce had a different definition. It generally meant that the parents were estranged, and tolerated a bare minimum of each other’s presence in between court visits over who got to keep the shovel with the red handle, or (fill in the blank here).
In this New York Times State of the Unions video, I laugh, I cry (not in that order), and we talk about how to take something unexpected and turn it into something that’s not only okay, but better than we ever expected. When I was getting divorced, I found that I felt periods of vast sadness, along with elation, and the giddy anticipation of a promising unknown that was unfolding in front of my very eyes. My children would not have chosen for their parents to split, but I think someday they might look back and appreciate how much we upheld “to have and to hold” even though it was not death that parted us; it was the desire to allow each other to grow…apart, and together. A different kind of together than Peter and I assumed was possible, back when we were children growing up in the seventies.”
Check out Candace’s book Ask Me About My Divorce: Women Open Up About Moving On.
Don’t forget to read Candace’s Mothering blog—A La Mama.