Past Questions

We have been co-sleeping with our 13month old daughter since she was around 5 1/2 mo old and started teething and waking up at night. Our routine has been to rock/nurse her to sleep and put her in her crib until she wakes up a few hours later, then bring her to bed with us. Recently, she's started waking up about 45 min after we put her down, and again 45 min after we put her back to sleep. Then during the night for the last couple of months she has been fussing every 45 min to one hour. Sometimes it seems like she wants to nurse, other times it's not clear what she wants. We've tried giving her more space, making sure she's not too hot, putting her in her crib--nothing seems to help. I'm at my wit's end due to lack of sleep, and I can tell my daughter isn't getting healthy rest either. How can we get some sleep without major trauma? Please help!

I have had zero sex drive since the birth of my son six months ago—but recently felt some "stirrings." When my husband and I tried to have sex, it was painful, as though my vagina was very tight. Would this be caused by not having sex for a while?

My four-year-old, attachment-parented child, has always been very clingy (not when he goes to a Waldorf-based preschool?not a tear shed, no separation anxiety whatsoever) but at home both my husband and I feel like we can't take a step without him. He also refuses to go to the toilet or anywhere in the house by himself. We have to sit next to him when he goes to the toilet and almost hold his hand. We can't breathe and feel like he is not getting an inch more independent. Strikingly, this is only with us and at home; at his preschool it's a totally different story. I'm running out of the ability to compassionately communicate due to exhaustion. Can you help us?

Please help! I feel so alone! Everyone keeps telling me to use some version of the cry-it-out routine to teach our three-month-old to sleep. It just feels so wrong and insensitive! We have been cosleeping since he was born. He seemed to be sleeping just fine until he was about two-and-a-half-months-old. Now he awakens much more frequently, and it seems to take longer and longer to put him down for naps and for the night. Now he's screeching and screaming for up to an hour each time we try to put him to sleep. We rock him until he's asleep which is physically quite tiresome for us now! I can't help but think we're doing something very wrong, but I don't want to believe that cry-it-out is the answer! I should also mention that we live in a studio apartment, so cry-it-out would be almost impossible. Are there methods of sleep training I can use that don't involve leaving him alone? Or is it true—against my instinct—that it's necessary for him to cry and self-soothe?

I have been reading about elderberry's use in preventing and treating the flu - swine and seasonal both. I am strongly considering making some elderberry syrup and taking it regularly as a preventative measure. Something I have been wondering about particularly is whether prevention - either through natural methods or through vaccines - causes us to lose the benefit of gaining immunity to an illness. Do we have to actually catch the flu to build up immunity to it? Is being exposed to the flu while taking natural supplements to prevent catching it going to do anything in building up an immunity? Is it even important to build up immunity to the flu since the type changes each year? I have heard talk of swine flu becoming stronger and more resistant in the future and therefore it may be of some benefit to have built up some immunity... so can this be done while also trying to prevent oneself from catching the actual illness? Thank you, Erin Lewis

My oldest daughter will be three-years-old in November and is showing a huge interest in learning to read and write. So I bought a bunch of curriculum to work on, knowing I would need to take it slow. Is she really too young to be taught? We plan on homeschooling our children for all of their school years. I just don't want to start too young, and overwhelm her. What do you recommend?

I am in the 13th week of my first pregnancy and completely divided about taking the flu shot and the H1N1 flu shot this season. My husband recently contracted the flu while on a trip out of the city(we don't know which since it was quite an emergency and he had to start on tamiflu even before getting the blood test). It has been 6 days now since he got high fever. but with Tamiflu he was okay in about 2 days (he completed his 5-day course). So one can say I have been exposed, but I have been taking very high precautions- including washing hands, being in separate rooms, increasing my intake of Vit C, garlic etc, gargling. I am also quite a nutrition freak and am generally above average in eating healthy (self-asessment). I do have a mild sore throat but nothing much to talk about. Yet the danger of contracting the flu looms high and given the way my husband's fever shot up in a matter of an hour, the prospect of being in that situation scares me no end. What do you advice?

To be brief, my marriage is coming to an end. Several days ago an attorney friend came over to discuss what we will encounter regarding several issues my husband has with me parenting, including the fact that our three (and a quarter) year old son still breastfeeds and that if he awakens at night and I go to comfort him, I often end up cosleeping. The attorney stated that the court would advise me that this "behavior" must end; I call it attachment parenting and think it is a positive connection. Have you encountered this issue and dealt with the courts? Do you have any advice or resources for me to access?

My two-year-old had almost completely weaned himself a few months ago. He only nursed first thing in the early morning before waking up (he usually comes to the family bed half way through the night). He does have a habit of wanting to "lay on the ba-bas" or hold one and insists on skin-to-skin contact. Then I got laid off from work and he began nursing at nap time. Over the holidays both my husband and my mother suggested I put a stop to him lying on or holding the breast and it completely back-fired. Now he asks/demands to nurse every two to four hours and will hold on to one saying he "doesn't want it to fly away." I set a limit of nursing just at nap time and bedtime, but I'm not sure if he will re-wean himself. And, I'd really like to resolve his apparent fear that they are going away or somehow find a way for him to console himself with something other than the breasts.

I am a new mommy to a four-month-old daughter. I wonder if spending time with my daughter is enough. I work from home and am with her all day. She cosleeps, slings, and I carry her as often as possible. Lately, she has been spending time with a toy, which she appears to enjoy as she is beginning to explore, or she may sit with me while I type and she tears up paper. I feel guilty watching her play while I work. Even though she and I are together, I wonder if I am giving her enough focused time. I can honestly say, because I run a home-based business, I am able to get more work done now that she is spending time occupied with her toy, but I don't want to get into the habit of occupying my daughter as a substitute for fulfilling her needs. I also don't want my insecurity to get in the way of letting her grow and explore. How do I know if she needs more of my focused attention? How do I know if she is content and I should just relax and let her be?

Dear Naomi,

I have read your book, and some articles since my son was born (2.5yo) and found it an inspiration, guide and food for deep thought, as well as a road to The Work - which has had a big impact - thank you so very much. I have many questions, but the main one at present is that my partner feels he has to compensate for me being 'nice to our son', playing lots with him or letting our son decide where to walk, etc. I try to explain where I am coming from and that we have a choice about how we act and behave and love our children but I am not good with words/explanations - particularly spoken. It is explainable but it also just FEELS good. His main concern is that giving such freedom will result in a tyrant/serious criminal (our DS also has boundaries as well of course). But does freedom create tyrants in the long run, or just people who know their own mind? Hope this makes sense and is a relevant query.