I just had a c section on friday they gave me hydrocodone/app 7.5mg. I take only half a pill every 4hr and I have pain only on my right side and my chest is hurting me uncontrolable. I can't even lay down it feels like my insides are tearing. Is all this normal?
Hi Judy, Our daughter is just about to get too big for her Co-Sleeper. I would love a recommendation on how to safely keep our eight month in our king sized bed. I have seen one or two bed rails on the internet....but they don't look particularly sturdy (at least from the pictures). Thank you very much!
Hi, my husband and I need help considering a third baby. We have a 5 year old son and a 3 year old daughter who co-sleep with us. This was not our original intention, but after 8 months of sleeping in 15 minute blocks (our son nursed multiple times an hour), I brought him into bed with us on Christmas Eve at my in-laws (after carting his bassinet there with us), and I laid him on my chest and we slept for 2 hours straight for the first time. After returning home, we realized that he and I needed to be together in order for either one of us to sleep. (FYI - he only took brief naps and those were usually on my chest as well.) Our son had barely survived his birth (the NICU doctors called him a miracle baby since after two weeks of intensive care, he immediately turned around and was released 100% healthy) so we were extremely cautious about every decision we made, but we decided to go against the norm and have him co-sleep with us. It was the best decision we could have made! It was wonderful having him in bed with us (between us). Two years later when our daughter was born, we didn't even question it, we brought her right into bed with us (on the other side of me). We had a king bed, but decided to have one custom made two feet wider than a king, so that gave us all lots of room. I love falling asleep with my son on one arm and my daughter on the other (and my husband's feet touching mine!). My husband and I have learned to find our own private time together and everything seems perfect. Our children are sleeping a little better (although our son still wakes up every few hours, but I enjoy the time to cuddle him and nurse him back to sleep... Yes, I'm still nursing both of our children - I've tandem nursed them since the day our daughter was born and it is the most wonderful experience in the world.) Our home seems so perfect, but now we're considering having another baby and I don't know how to handle cuddling the two we already have all night and the new baby. I don't want to move either one of our children as we (and they) love where we all sleep. I could put the new baby in our bassinet beside our bed, but that is easier to say than to do (I know I'll want him/her in bed with us too!). I'm not sure if having another baby is the best thing to do for our family. My husband thinks we're complete, but would welcome a third child if I was 100% percent sure it was what I wanted. I'm 39 and my husband is 45, and after recently talking to our OB doctor, we are aware of the risks and willing to still go forth. I would love to have you tell me "yes, have a baby, three children are wonderful," or "no, don't have a baby, it will wreck your night time cuddles/nursing with your other two children and also take all of your time away from them during the day," but I know you cannot do that. Is there any advice you could offer though? Or insight? I am a stay-at-home mom and adore every moment with our two children. I can't imagine not having another baby (after our son, I declared I wanted a dozen!) While I know that is not realistic, I can't help but wonder if we should have another baby. We need to decide quickly, since our ages are in issue. Any advice you could give would be HUGELY appreciated. Thank you so very, very much, Karen
Hi, What do you think about kids earning money by doing things in and around the house? I read many familys do that like giving 0.10$ to 0.25$ daily to brush theeth, make there beds, clean play room, etc. Some other will pay more to do the laundry, cutting the grass, washing the dishes, clean the car, help on the farm, help to do renovation or construction, help in parent business, etc. Do you think its ok to do this or it leads kids to never want to help and expect money in exchange of doing anything? Can it destroy the natural willingness to help there parents? Is there some things we could pay for and some others not? Could we choose specific things that we would pay for and for the rest just continuing asking for services and help for free and letting them free to refuse helping (like I actually do right now, I ask help if they want they join me, if they don't want its ok and I respect that not showing any more love in exchange than the normal love I give). Is there a balance we can find to be able to give them the oportunity to earn money while working to get it?
Since a very long time our childrens (unschooled) have told us they want to earn money in a very specific way and they have recently told us with pressure that they want us to make it happen for them now. They seem very serious as they come back with it again and again with more and more intensity. But how helping a child earn money? We are both parents professional craft people and they want to make craft and sell it like we do. I though we could start them there own little business and explain to them how we manage ours so they can manage there business. They asked questions about it and they seem opened to our telling about expenses, spending, salary, savings, donation, etc. And also on how to sell, market, etc. I told them I would help them. But I don't want to do to much. I don't want them to feel thay have to get my opinion all the time for them to succeed. We never praised or negate there art, work, play, inventions, appearence, etc, just like you say and they still will ask if we find there craft beautiful or not and if we think it would sell or not. What about this question. We want to be authentic so we say things like (only if they ask): - ''I find it really well made'' - '' I don't find this beautifull for me, to waer on me because its not the kind or things that I wear but I find it very nice for you or other people who like these kind of things'' - ''Yes, I like this one even for me'' -''I find it very beautifull'' and if asked if I like it for me I say the truth ''yes'' or ''no but on you its really wonderfull'' Are those kind of responses ok (for not praising or negating?) first of all? And for them selling things, they ask me: ''Do you like this one for selling?'', ''Do you think this would sell?''. By the way they ask not only to us, parents, but also between them brothers and sisters. And they made a policy that they don't want others to say there opinion before asking if they want to hear it. And sometimes they decide that someone can say there opinion without asking permission and if they receave a negative comment they will respond firmly things like: ''I don't care you don't like it, I do'', ''You don't like it for you or for me, or for selling or you don't like it at all?'' and then after the response they will share firmly there position like' ''well you are totally right I scrued this one up I'm actually starting a new one'', ''well I like it'', ''oh well..you are the only one in the house who does not like it, I asked everyone else'', ''we don't have the same taste for this or that''. And they seem to be ok with all of this. They asked how they would know if it would sell and I think I did an error. I said ''I told you I would help you so I'll tell you if what you have made could sell in our consigment stores and on our store on Etsy because I know what the clients in there like''. Should I have said '' well try to sell anything you think would sell and you'll seeby your self! '' ? Is me trying to assist them will block there initiative and creativity along with self worth, assurance, self esteem, etc? And for management, is it ok that I guide them or I let them manage there money like they want and understand things after they would have spend it all and not be able to buy furnitures anymore? Is it ok for me to provide there first supplies to work with as a gift? Thank you so much.
Why and what to do with an 8yo boy (not in school) does dangerous things and loughs about it when we don't look (or thinks we don't see) and even makes our youger childrens do some dangerous things too and then when the yougers come and tell to us he will completly lie about it rediculising the other and saying ''what are you saying? I never did that!''. The last thing was he was walking on wet and high wooden beams around our house and was saying look I walk on it its dangerous, you want to do it? He also wont stop when he pass with his bicycle and hit others and say he never did it or never saw the other child. I have great difficultu to not get angry because I can't stand his lying and that my other kids can be scared of him being dangerous or them being hurt because of him. Thanks for your help.
How do kids get self control, or how to teach it? I'm confused between the huge difference in attachment parenting and God centered parenting. In one we can use compation, non violant communication, listening, validating, etc, and in the other is empowering caracter vertus and practicing self control. Were is a place between the two? How can a child get to have self control in an environment were we never adress it? How to apply attachment, compation, etc, at the same time as living in a way that fosters self control? Thanks you so much for your response!
what is leading the way? not letting them take control of the home of our lives and not letting them do all they want, also not controling them and yes letting them free, but leading the way. How to know we are doing the good thing? And do you have exemples of leading the way? Thanks a lot! Mom of 4.
(sorry my typing I'm not first english languaged) I read you talking about special childs, spirit childs and other temparaments. What is a spirit child? What are the other temparaments? And were can I find complete informations about this? Thank you so much your work is marvelous! From happy both at home mom and dad of 4 100% raw foodists, unschooled, co-sleaped, naturally home birth and extended breat-fed, radical attachment parented, no tv, linving in traveling and nature wonderfull natural kids!
My 2.5 year old daughter screams and kicks her heels on the floor in a tantrum. My response has been to try to avoid it, to hold her feet down while telling her to be kind to her body, and also leaving the room and letting her get it out. For the past few weeks she has also been waking up in a tantrum in the middle of the night, we are not able to touch her/comfort her in any way untill she gets a little calmed and every attempt escalates the behavior. Last night my husband stepped in and he spanked her, which got her to stop kicking and screaming and plead for "down, all better, hug", he believes that it is a power struggle and she has to have strong limits set. He thinks I am doing nothing to help or stop her behavior with my methods and that she is out of control. Neither one of us has ever hit our children (we also have a five year old), althought both of us grew up with spanking. I do not believe this is the way to go, but I do not know what to do. She sleeps with me and and always has. She has been nursed on demand untill a month ago, I am pregnant and it is very uncomfortable/painful to breatfeed all the time. When she askes to nurse I've been putting limits on it or offering an alternative. I know that is part of her problem and also I've noticed that she usually has to go potty at this time and is almost angry about it. She is a strong willed/spirited child, she does not accept "no" very well. My instinct tells me to be more patient to be more loving but firm and not give in to her demands. At the same time I do not want her hurting herself. I really need help with this issue. Thank you.
Our three-year-old son has adopted a new fascination with guns and swords, much to our surprise, since we have none in the house and we do not watch programs or read books that promote weapons of any kind. Sticks in the yard have become swords and shoes are guns, etc. I am impressed by his imaginative thinking, but concerned about his interest in weapons. We have discussed how weapons can hurt people very badly and how we are gentle people who don't want to hurt others. He agrees with these points but continues to talk about and play imaginatively with weapons. I often just ignore his talk and direct his attention to other ideas or tell him I'd rather not play guns or swords. We've tried not to make a huge issue over this, but it is consuming much of our time lately. I'm not sure if there is some other direction we can take to steer him away from his obsession with weapons. Any suggestions?
I am a military mother with a three-month-old. I consider it both my duty and an honor to serve our country; I chose to remain in when given the choice to separate due to pregnancy. The fact that my unit will deploy when my son is one-and-a-half years old is still very distressing. I love the attachment we have (I breastfeed and cosleep), and even though I know it's good to be attached, sometimes I wonder if it would be better to be unattached. I am going to leave him, and I worry that he will feel abandoned and traumatized. Is there anything I can do to help ease the separation, and the return? If it comes down to it, I am willing to give up my military career, but it is a hard decision for me, ethically and financially.
Our five year old son started kindergarten this fall. He is a smart, shy, intense, persistent little boy. I was conflicted about whether to send him and am still struggling to figure out what is right for him. He is very difficult in the morning, refusing to get dressed, becoming very angry at times, and just repeatedly saying he doesn't like school. I volunteer in the classroom though and have met with the teacher repeatedly. He does great when he is there - he is engaged, seems happy, and is very capable of keeping up with his peers. He also seems happier when he comes home - he seems to feel good about his accomplishment, is more cooperative and more confident. I have considered homeschooling - but he has such a high need for novelty and social interaction, that it is difficult to keep him engaged and happy at home. Our personalities are very similar and our relationship also seems to benefit from having some space, as does his relationship with his little brother. We live in a smaller town, without many private school options. He has always been difficult to read, it is hard to take him at face value as he avoids anything new or difficult until he gets into the situation, then he seems to feel good about it, until he has to go back. I just really want to do what is best for him and am very weary of the morning battles. Thank you.
I am a first-time mother to a beautiful nine month old boy. My husband & I have been dedicated to the AP lifestyle & have forged a bond with our son that has been priceless. Currently we have only been separated from our son a total of five times, each lasting no more than three hours. We live a good distance from any family and our friends are all busy with jobs and/or children of their own so there has been little opportunity for our son to attach to anyone else. We have enrolled in many classes geared to babies his age so that he gets plenty of interaction with other babies and people. He is a social and happy baby but it has been a challenge trying to find another caregiver to look after him for a few hours a week. At four months old we hired a very experienced nanny to stay in the home with him while I did work around the house, allowing me to get a break, but still be able to breastfeed. This arrangement lasted a few months. My son greatly protested with long periods of crying until I came in or until he fell asleep exhausted. At the end, the nanny,(who had had experience working with breastfeeding AP moms working from home) felt that our son wasn't ready to be apart from me. This was at around 4 1/2 months old until about 5 1/2 months. Now at 9months, after much searching, we found a daycare that would provide our son care that was in line with most of our standards (Waldorf inspired, healthy organic vegetarian meals, no TV, happy kids, etc.). We visited with the daycare a few times, our son felt comfortable & at ease. On his first real day, he lasted three hours out of the four until they called me to come pick him up. The daycare is willing to work with me, but they are a bit reluctant. I have been told by the daycare that AP babies are very difficult because they don't learn to get the confidence and security from themselves but learn to only rely on the parents. Very long story short, I'm exhausted, confused & need help/advice. I need some time away from my son just to get some balance, but at the same time I want him to get what he needs too.
My issues are multi-level, so please bear with me. Primarily, my difficulties are with my neighbors. Their son is a typical seven-year-old, media-directed kid. Everything with him is violent play, name calling and loud. It saddens me that he is allowed to develop in such a way, but it saddens me even more that I have to deal with the corruption of my own kids. Now my four-year-old son only wants ninjas and jedis so they can fight and kill each other. I have explained that these are not things I value in my household and that toys can be played with in other ways. I like the parents next door. They are generous and friendly, but the influences are driving me insane.
Then there's the boys-will-be-boys attitude. Is that really true? Will my son want to shoot and strangle any toy he's given just because he's a boy? I feel that my kids are now a corrupting force on others who are trying to be conscientious parents.
I realize these are the issues that so many people deal with and recognize. You've probably done articles on these topics, but I can't find them. Any suggestions? Thanks.
Hi Judy, Firstly, I want to tell you that I LOVE your book. I refer to it all the time and I have recommended it to many other parents. I have been trying the advice from the book for this particular situation, however it is not improving and I am at a loss about what to do. My son Leo is 26 months old, very verbal and very bright. For the past 6 months he has been very aggressive with children who are smaller or younger than him. This aggression seems to increase when I am not giving him 100% of my attention. A couple of months ago we were at the park and I was speaking with another mom. My son kicked another little boy, I intervened, telling my son that we don't kick people while I ensured that the little boy was alright. I removed us from the situation and we continued playing. Later, I began talking to the same mom and my son went up to the boy and grabbed his neck, it was awful! Then I was talking to a man and my son started chasing his son waving his arm to hit him. We talked about what he needed at that time and he said "me need mommy", so I told him that if he feels like hitting he should ask me for help. For the next couple of months he would come to me saying he needed me instead of hitting. Which was great, but at the same time it seemed like I couldn't even talk to other people because he would feel aggressive whenever I did! Just the other day we had friends over and my son tackled a 1 year old. We had a time out together, and when my son was ready to say sorry we returned, only to have him swipe again at the little boy. He gets a very angry look on his face just before these episodes, so I try my best to intervene before hitting occurs. The other mom said "he doesn't know who is boss, you need to yell at him, my kids know who is boss" *sigh* I am a stay at home mom and my son is used to getting all of my attention. I think that might precipitate jealousy on his part. Also, my neighbours little girl (4 1/2 years old) used to always hit my son and her little sister, so I wonder if my son internalized that behaviour. We no longer spend time with them due to her aggression. I try to anticipate his aggressiveness, remove him from the situation, and have him say he is sorry when he is ready to go back...but things aren't changing. What else can I do Judy??? Thank you so much, I appreciate any and all of your advice so much! Joie
My oldest daughter will be three-years-old in November and is showing a huge interest in learning to read and write. So I bought a bunch of curriculum to work on, knowing I would need to take it slow. Is she really too young to be taught? We plan on homeschooling our children for all of their school years. I just don't want to start too young, and overwhelm her. What do you recommend?
My daughter who has just turned one and has experienced a number of transitions this year. I'm considering another one but am worried that it may do her more harm than good? I would love your opinion. She graduated at her church day care program into a new room when she turned one and I am concerned about this new program. I would like to move her to a family day care but she's had so many changes already this year I worry about another one. The new room is 1.5 staff for 10 kids. Everything is on a schedule. She cannot use a bottle and must eat at set mealtimes. Also, she is down to one nap per day during a set nap time and I just don't think this is working out for her. She's a zombie at night. Also, they feed the kids wonderbread and lots of things containing ground beef. So, its certainly not abusive but it feels really cold and institutional to me. There is a family daycare near by that has level 2 accreditation and 12 kids with at least adulst staff, 3 kids her age. Seems much warmer and more flexible and will have openings in Sept. We spent last summer at her Dad's lake cottage while I was on maternity leave then we moved home in Sept. Parenting turned out to be too much for her dad and after 4 violent incidents (at least 2 of which she witnessed) I made him move out in Jan.09. Since then, we've settled into a decent, calm and successful visitation plan. I have her 75 % and he has her 25% of the time. I have most of the real parenting time (at night, at the beginning and end of her day,etc). She's at daycare from about 10 -5 daily. She's meeting all her milestones and seems just fine. Her pediatrician thinks she's doing great. I have to work as I'm the sole income. Here's the Chronology: Born last June. June to Sept - with me at the camp- maternity leave Sept - Move home from the camp Sept - Oct- (approx) Attends a fancy, expensive day care that looked good on paper but wasn't so great. Staff did not get on the floor and play with the kids. Was dirty,etc. Sept through Jan - Household drama referenced above Jan- Dad moves out, visitation schedule begins Oct to June- Moved her to the baby room at Baptist church. 2 staff, 6 babies. Seemed just fine. Not great but fine. June to Sept - Aden graduated to the young toddler room at the Baptist Church(all new staff, very structured, cold and institutional program) Sept- Contemplating move to family day care setting, hopefully to stay until she starts at Montessori at age 3. Is this too much change? What will this do to her bonding and sense of security? I should have prevented the move to the Young Toddler room so we could avoided another transition, but I thought it would be warmer, not colder than the baby room. I welcome any thoughts you have. Thanks!
My general practitioner, bless his heart, is trying to convince me that sleeping with my five-month-old son is dangerous and increases the risk of SIDS. Although I have no intention of changing our sleeping arrangement, I would like to have some references to give him the next time we meet. His reference comes from what he claims to be the most recent study, which, apparently, was sent to physicians by the surgeon general. I'm in Canada, which may or may not be relevant as I'm not sure where the study took place.
I was shopping at a department store with my husband and our almost 22 month old daughter when she did something we just did not know how to react to. While we were shopping a little boy, who was at most 7 years old, walked by us with his father. He stopped to say hi to our daughter and waved at her. Isabel reacted by throwing a hard plastic ball at him. It ended up hitting him very hard him on the head. He started crying... I imagine it must have hurt. Our daughter didn't laugh, she looked very confused by the situation. What should we have done?
My son is almost three-years-old and shows no interest in cleaning up after playing. We try to do clean up (with my husband or I helping) at a couple regular times during the day and at times when he isn't overtired and cranky, so it is part of routine, just as a nap and bath are. We model cleaning up (both our own messes and his) and participate in a playgroup where clean-up time is part of the experience and have been hoping that he will eventually just catch on. He hasn't so far, and when I ask him to participate, he just says, "Mommy, do it," meaning I should just clean up everything for him. I've tried explaining that when he leaves his things out they could get broken or other people could trip on them (both of which have happened), but this doesn't seem to sway him. I've tried making it a game, but he doesn't buy it. I've tried a problem-solving approach, but he seems too young or too distracted to offer up solutions himself. I don't want to get into a battle of wills, but I also want him to develop a sense of responsibility and care for his possessions—and not expect me to always clean up after him. How much should I be expecting of him at this age, and is there anything that I can do to encourage him to clean up after himself?
My daughter (27-months-old) is very aggressive toward her brother (nine-months-old), who is very active and almost walking already. Since he started crawling and getting into the toys at five-months-old, she has been hitting, pushing his head, pulling his hair, doing anything to make him cry. I just don't know how to deal with it anymore. I know she is adjusting to his presence, but it's been nearly five months of this. I fear I am making it worse by creating a bully and victim mentality. But I don't want to leave my son there to cry while trying to figure out how to get through to my daughter—and I have started yelling, which makes all of us feel worse. Please help!
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