Birthday Parties

Dear parent,

Your child’s little birthday party is a wonderful demonstration to why I urge parents to stay away from play groups, parties, day care and kindergarten. You saw for yourself that a group of young peers is a losing proposition saved by manipulation; we create an impossible situation and are then forced to control and manage the children. 

Why not provide a child with experiences that leave him capable, self-reliant, and autonomous?

A party is an adult idea. I personally always enjoy people in intimate gatherings. Although some adults claim to enjoy group activities, relating in groups is not children’s nature.  

Many of today’s ways of gathering and celebrating are actually a profitable business trend. It is an industry. We train our children to expect parties and the industry keeps offering more and bigger. The magnitude of weddings is one demonstration of this business. I am not against celebrations. We can celebrate the return of the sun, flowers, music, dance creations etc. Making a fuss about the self breeds many of our emotional pains and disfunction. Even when we celebrate seasons and arts, we can do so with fewer costs and gadgets, and more direct human connection.

Making a fuss about the child’s day of birth nurtures the already culturally inflated self-centeredness. “Me me me, My birth, my graduation, my my my.” Then we wonder why a child falls apart over toys and over things not going “his” way.

So, what am I suggesting? Well, if you feel strongly about inviting friends and making a social event out of your child’s birthday, ask your friends not to bring anything without your approval, or simply, not to bring anything. Instead of providing candy, provide healthy wholesome food and invite older children rather than same age.

If, however, you are open to letting go of the cultural “tradition” of birthday parties, you can follow in our family’s footsteps. We did not do birthday parties. We told the children that giving birth is mom’s great memorable experience. We celebrated as a family by doing something special the child liked. Going for a hike was a tradition with our oldest son. The middle son asked to invite one friend, or to have something yummy with just the family. Our youngest took us to the zoo, aquarium or science museum. We never did gifts or candy nor made much fuss about the child. 

All this may seem radical to you. Find your own path, but see if you can free yourself from the industrial brainwash and, instead, focus on authentically celebrating the presence of your child in your life.

Warmly,  Naomi Aldort,  www.AuthenticParent.com