Have Breasts Will Travel: Nursing Discreetly In Public

By Lisa Palazzo
Issue 109, November/December 2001

It was already past my 20-month-old daughter's bedtime when family friends stopped by for a visit. As my husband and I chatted with our guests in our tiny living room, Mary Kay padded around us in her pajamas. I knew she was ready for her final nursing before bedtime, which usually took place in the living room. Glancing at our guests--my husband's great-aunt and uncle--I knew that was out of the question.

When Mary Kay, tired of waiting, climbed into my lap and wailed, "Nummy!," I finally excused us to the bedroom. I came out ten minutes later, after Mary Kay had dropped off to sleep, and explained to our guests that she had just wanted to breastfeed before going to bed. After an awkward moment of slack-jawed silence, the great-aunt managed a shaky smile and said, "Oh, she's still nursing?"

From that experience, I learned that the difficulties surrounding breastfeeding in public sometimes have little to do with where you are. After all, my living room was normally a place of total privacy, yet on this occasion I would have felt very conspicuous nursing there. By the same token, many mothers and children enjoy comparatively private nursing sessions in such public places as schools, churches, parks, and airports-even when nursing toddlers and older children. How do they do it? I talked with ten mothers with a collective 60 years of experience in breastfeeding in every public place imaginable. They shared their tips on how they happily-and, usually, easily-nursed their children in public.

1. Face the Changes

Many mothers find that toddlers and older children nurse publicly a lot less frequently than when they were infants. For one thing, toddlers are eating solid foods and drinking other beverages. Also, because toddlers actively interact with their surroundings, they can be too busy to nurse.

Among the mothers I spoke with, the most common situation in which toddlers request public nursing is when they are tired, hurt, or otherwise in need of their mother's comfort. Tracie Dakters, who breastfed both of her daughters until age three, says, "As the girls got older, public nursings didn't happen too frequently because their needs often could be satisfied in other ways, like with a snack or drink. If they really needed to nurse--if one of them skinned a knee and was screaming her head off--I'd nurse right away." In light of this, bring a healthy snack and drink for your child when you leave home so you'll have an alternate means to satisfy him or her. Also, try stashing a few small toys in your pockets or purse. "Sometimes, toddlers want to nurse out of boredom," points out Barbara Foster, who breastfed her four children for a total of almost nine years.

2. When You Are Discreet, All Things Are Possible

All nursing moms have different comfort levels; an acceptable public nursing situation for one may be objectionable to another. In any case, with practice, it is possible for mothers to nurse discreetly almost anywhere.

"I nursed everywhere and found it easy to be discreet," says Susan Oldrieve, a mother of three with eight years of breastfeeding experience. "I got so good at unhooking my bra and positioning the baby that people never knew I was nursing. I nursed Katherine in church during her baptism service, and people came up to me afterwards, saying, `Your baby was so quiet!' They had no idea I was nursing her."

A mother can become so skillful at public nursing that she may forget what she's doing. "When the kids were little, we lived near a lake and went to the beach every day," explains Oldrieve. "I would go with a friend and her three kids, so we had six between us. I used to be a lifeguard, so it was my habit to 'count heads' every five minutes or so. Once, in the middle of a conversation, I counted only five heads. I panicked and shrieked, 'Where's Libby?' My friend said, 'Susan, you're nursing her.'"

3. The Language of Love

It's difficult to keep nursing private when your two year old is unzipping your sweater, screaming, "I want milkies!" during a quiet church service. It's important to teach your child how to request breastfeeding away from home. Whether it's "sippy," "nursy," "nurt," "mee mee," "breeny," or "nanny," all nursing families arrive at a word that means "Let's nurse." Many mothers encourage the use of a word that they'll feel comfortable using in front of strangers.