Comforting a Child

Dear parent,

I appreciate your sensitive care of your child. If he wants to be alone, you can respect that. At the same time, open yourself up to the possible reasons he feels more comfortable to be by himself and not with you when upset. He needs total freedom to feel and sometimes even minimal comments or facial expressions can make him think that you don?t approve. If your presence represents for him a need to get over it, or that it is a problem, then being alone is his solution.

There are other possible causes you may want to explore. Although it can be his nature to feel embarrassed by strong emotions, check yourself and other family members for how you model being with feelings. If you or your spouse hint through behavior or words that upset is something that has to be solved, your child is more likely to want to hide himself when having strong feelings.

Another possibility is that his upset is about you. In that case he may feel guilty for feeling the way he feels. This happens when a child is driven to please and seek approval. In this case you want to avoid praising and provide unconditional love in times when your son is not doing his best, or failing to achieve or behave well.

Ideally, it is nice if your child feels safe to be with you no matter what he feels. Therefore the ideas above may be some pointers for you to work on making your presence with him unconditionally loving. If then he naturally prefers to be alone, then there is nothing to worry about and you can keep respecting his wish.

This subject can be simple, or very involved. If you would like more guidance, you can sign up for a phone session with me, on my site: www.AuthenticParent.com

Warmly,   Naomi Alodrt  www.AuthenticParent.com