I love weddings.
This weekend my friend Amy married her sweetheart Jim. Ron and I spent Saturday evening celebrating with them at a gorgeous resort in Charlotte, North Carolina. When we walked into the reception area, we saw a Wishing Tree. Guests could write little notes—thoughts, advice, wishes—that the couple would read later. I knew exactly what I wanted to say:
Start trying for babies…NOW!
The Wishing Tree
Like Amy, I was in my 30s when I married. Ron wanted go for the honeymoon baby. Not me. I wanted to cultivate our marriage. Enjoy a few years together—just the two of us. I figured we had plenty of time. I didn’t give much thought to the fact that age has a huge impact on a woman’s fertility. And just in case Amy was as clueless as I was, I wanted to give her a head’s up.
All night I debated how to phrase it. I mean, really, how do you tell a woman to have a baby ASAP without sounding too pushy? Too nosy? Too presumptuous? Maybe they were already planning a honeymoon baby. Maybe they weren’t planning any babies. Maybe they wanted to adopt.
After a lot of back and forth, I decided not to write anything on the topic of fertility for the Wishing Tree. Instead, I wrote what I call “The Three Rs” (Respect one another, take Responsibility for your actions, and be Romantic). Ron, who works in the finance industry, gave this advice: “Make more than you spend.”
After a yummy dinner, Ron and I swung around together on the dance floor. He held me close. Kissed my hair. I felt grateful for such a wonderful partner. Despite all we’ve been through with our struggles to conceive, I adore him and our life. I wouldn’t want to be with anyone else, even for ten babies. I know that whether or not a child comes into our lives—and how that may happen—we’ll be there for each other. For better or for worse.
At the end of the evening, Ron and I walked out of the grand ballroom and passed the Wishing Tree one last time. I looked at the cards twirling on the branches and sent a silent prayer to Amy and Jim: I wish you the family of your dreams.
About Jenny Rough
Jenny Rough is a lawyer-turned-writer. Visit her on the web at www.jennyrough.com