This past Sunday was our first full day without Gwen. Noah and I were setting up a puppet show when I realized Benji was no longer in the den. Last I had seen, he was arranging his Schliech farm animals inside a fence.
I looked around the house. He wasn’t in the breezeway playing with his car ramp. He was not in Noah’s room having a peek at Noah’s toys.
I found him in our bedroom, blankie tucked around his legs. He was trying to open a tube of Weleda skin cream that Gwen uses on his knuckles and face when he gets eczema. I sat down next to him.
“Do you want help with that?”
A very tiny, “Yes.”
I unscrewed the lid, squeezed a blop onto his knuckles, and gently massaged it in. I squeezed another blop onto my finger and massaged his chin and cheeks. Benji purred, bathing in the loving touch.
The sun was shining in through the window, warming us. Benji and I were cozy and in love, connected, staring into each other’s faces.
“I love you, Benji,” I whispered.
He smiled, soaking it in, basking in it.
And then he looked me right in the eyes, beaming, his tiny face alight, as he said, “I love … Mama.”
But it’s not personal. I think right now, for Benji, “I love Mama” is the most powerful phrase he can utter. It’s an ode to love. A magical incantation. It’s like Papa Smurf saying, “Boy, that Brian Leaf, he’s so Smurfy.”
Although, really, who knows, anyway, because right after that, still gazing into my eyes, he continued, “And I like goats and some hay.”
photo credit: FreeDigitalPhotos.net
About Brian Leaf
Brian Leaf is the author of Misadventures of a Garden State Yogi. He lives in Western Massachusetts where he is an avid meditator, yogi, dad, and husband. You can follow his parenting adventures and misadventures on Facebook at www.facebook.com/Misadventures.of.a.Yogi.