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Mothering › Baby Articles › Don't Talk About That!

Don't Talk About That!

Please please watch this brilliant talk on the taboos of parenthood. Each of their four taboos resonated so deeply for me – I look forward to your thoughts – mine are below :

Click Here to watch the Video:  Parenting Taboos


Taboo #1: You Can’t Say You Didn’t Fall in Love the 1st Minute

I definitely experienced this myself, and remember the horrible guilt and disappointment. Love does indeed grow over time!  Whenever I mentor a prenatal class I am sure to include a discussion of this phenomenon as we talk about the first moments postpartum.  Yes, sometimes we feel that swell of pure love the moment we gaze into their eyes.  Sometimes, however, we do not, and the inner judgment around this can be huge.  One of my favorite lines for new moms is this:  When someone asks “Don’t you just love your baby so much?”, reply with a smile, “We’re really getting to know each other.”

Taboo #2: You can’t talk about how lonely having a baby can be.

I often hear this from new moms wondering why nobody told them how hard it could be…  We talk about the sleep, and how life will “change”, but rarely do we ourselves even admit how lonely it can be.  How important it is to find connection and support…

Taboo #3: You can’t talk about your miscarriage

(Along with the other big taboo:  Don’t tell anyone you’re pregnant before the 2nd trimester)  The silence on this topic is astounding. Only after I lost a baby myself did I truly understand how strong this taboo is, and how many friends and families were carrying their loss in silence.

Taboo #4: You can’t say your average happiness has declined as a parent.

I think would be terrifying to hear during pregnancy – and yet the research has shown in 4 separate studies that our avg happiness is reduced as parents. I wonder, however, how avg happiness compares with satisfaction, or love, or average “meaningfulness” in life.  Does life change with kids? Absolutely. Our experience of this is unique, however, and perhaps can’t be measured as an “average” – each day can bring moments of absolute joy and despair!

I would love to hear your thoughts on these taboos and your experience of them, in your own life & in our culture.  Any other taboos you can think of?

Mama Renew

About Sarah Juliusson

Sarah Juliusson, founder of Mama Renew, is a gifted facilitator and writer on the journey of birth & motherhood. She brings two decades of experience supporting families through pregnancy, birth and motherhood to her work. Sarah is mother to two growing boys, a playful crafter with cloth & wool, student of traditional food preservation, and a diva at heart. Join the conversation on http://www.mamarenew.ca & on facebook at http://www.facebook.com/mamarenew

Comments (4)

Thanks for this post. As a new,second-time mom, I could not agree more with your take on parenting taboo's. All women should hear this side of the truth.~Cara, St. Louis, MO
When my son was born, I remember expecting this "amazing wave of love" everyone told me I would experienced. I was surprised, but not disappointed by what I felt. Instead of what I would identify as "love" I felt an amazing admiration: my son was so amazing and perfect and beautiful! But I felt like we were just meeting for the first time, how could I love him like they said? I was just totally, astonishingly, stunningly amazed by him.
When my daughter was born, I did actually feel a 'wave of love'. Then, it calmed down, and love progressed (and still is) at a pretty good speed. I CAN talk about my miscarriage (and abortion) and do. The reactions, however, are varied-mostly of the "I can't believe you said/ did that". But whatever. It happened. It's a part of life. It is very lonely becoming a parent. .-= Kris Underwood´s last blog ..The New Cleopatra Book =-.
Great post, by the way .-= Kris Underwood´s last blog ..The New Cleopatra Book =-.
Mothering › Baby Articles › Don't Talk About That!