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Mothering › Health Articles › Love Sucks, But You Can’t Beat It

Love Sucks, But You Can'’t Beat It


WARNING: if you’re a hopeless romantic, searching for Prince Charming or Miss Marvelous, you better leave now. Because I’m about steamroll any Disney-drenched happily-ever-after scenarios. I’m starting my engine. Go now while your ideals are still in tact. You can get yourself some Danielle Steel on Kindle.


Okay…I warned you.


“What’s with everyone going on about the ‘hard work’ of marriage?” I used to think. “If it’s so hard it musn’t be true love. True love has a meant-to-be-ness about it that’s gotta make everything easier. Like, if it’s THAT hard, then it just ain’t right. Right?” Uh huh.


My relationship with my own self is complicated, how could I expect it to be simple with another? But I was single at the time. My panties matched my bras, my principles matched my big hair, and I my astronomical phone bills matched my knack for getting involved with men who lived on the other side of the country. {The long distance fed my romantic longings. Longing. Always lonnnging.}


I’ve done some homework since then. Home. Work.


THE SUCKY FACTS MY RELATIONSHIP RESEARCH HAS SURFACED:


I don’t know a single couple with an easy, let alone blissful, marriage. Okay. ONE couple: Donna and Brad. But they met when they were in their late forties. Brad’s wife had passed away. Donna was just out of a long termer. Within months of declaring their total and utter devotion, Brad discovered that he had cancer. They fought it with every alternative therapy known, and every dime and ounce of faith they had. They’re still going strong. It really is the stuff of love stories.


But back to the rest of us normal, non-Buddhist schmucks who got hitched earlier in life…


Most of my married friends have seriously considered leaving their mates more than once. {Note to the hubby of my friend: I’m not talking about you. Really, you’re the total exception dude.}


: Within just the first year of marriage, at least half of my married friends and acquaintances thought to themselves, “What the hell have I done?


: Of all the longtime wed folks I’ve surveyed, each reported long, hellish periods in their relationship where they were merely enduring each other to get by.


Bubbles burst. Dreams steamrolled. Imperfections and cruelties of life glaringly clear. Crap facts noted. Love stinks.


And love keeps going in spite of it all.


THE DELIGHTFUL, SWEET AND RADIANT FACTS MY RELATIONSHIP RESEARCH HAS SURFACED:


: I have friends whose confessed infidelities cycloned through their lives. And they sorted through the wreckage to build something better than before. “The affair was the best thing that ever happened to us.”


: Couples who rallied to beat addictions, who sweat and toiled to over come them like farmers fight blight – tirelessly, without rest, because everything depends on victory.


: One of my wisest friends figures that it took about thirty years for him and his wife to simply be nice to each other. Now there is a euphoria in their familiarity. A grace has settled in. He says that sometimes it’s magical.


So if you’re out there thinking that the smoochy hot couple has got it easy, ha! Think again. If you’re down to a teaspoon of hope, envying the love stories on the other side of the fence, remember that while they were smiling for the cameras, Joanne Woodward was putting up with Paul Newman’s boozing in the early years. Fridah Kahlo’s beloved Diego chased skirts all through Mexico and New York. Cleopatra waited a long time for her man.


Love and doubt aren’t exclusive. In fact, they can be the most fantastic dance partners. Give and take. Trust and turn.


. . . . . . .

 




Danielle LaPorte

About Danielle LaPorte

Danielle LaPorte is the author of the book The Fire Starter Sessions: A Soulful + Practical Guide for Creating Success on Your Own Terms (from Random House/Crown). An inspirational speaker, former think tank exec and business strategist, she is the creator of the online program The Spark Kit: A Digital Experience for Entrepreneurs and co-author of Your Big Beautiful Book Plan. Over a million visitors have gone for her straight-up advice on DanielleLaPorte.com, a site that has been deemed "the best place on-line for kick-ass spirituality."

You can find her on Facebook and on Twitter @daniellelaporte



Comments (1)

Funny, but this is the same relationship I have with my adolescent daughter. There are entire days that go by where I am merely tolerating her presence in my house, but I guess the overarching theme for this is that if you love enough and have enough persistence and are willing to Stick. It. Out. (and sometimes ignore it for a bit), things will get better, or at least get to the point where you are willing to discuss it with that other loathsome creature sharing your space. Thanks for the honesty and the laugh! .-= kario´s last blog ..Girlfriend =-.
Mothering › Health Articles › Love Sucks, But You Can’t Beat It