The following L.O.V.E. Parenting exercise was created to bring consciousness and intention to your parenting by elevating your awareness of subconscious beliefs and your pre-disposition to behaviors based on your family of origin.This exercise is written for a mother and father team, but can easily be done with any two people.
Sit quietly and think about your same gender parent; mothers meditate on your mother, fathers meditate on your father. Think about the quality of their parenting; traits that you value and want to continue, as well as habits, reactions and ways of being that you wish to leave behind. Think about their routine manner as well as their actions and reactions in stressful situations: conjure up their tone, their touch, their behavior and their influence.
Next, sit knee to knee, holding hands, gazing into your partner’s eyes. Let your husband begin with five intentions for the future, starting with:
“A trait from my father that I would like to embody in my own fathering is…”
Have him do this five times, enumerating five separate traits, saying the sentence in its entirety each time.
Next, listen as your husband specifies traits he does not wish to carry on subconsciously. He can offer five sentences here as well:
“A quality from my father that I would like to leave behind is…”
The final component of this exercise involves you speaking five sentences to your husband, remembering the qualities your husband is hoping to manifest. Speak in the present tense, as if your husband is already embodying the aspects of his father that he wishes to showcase, as in:
“I see you as a father who…”
It is important to say these five sentences with full bravado, even if you haven’t yet seen your spouse exemplify the mannerisms he aspires to.
Part II: Involves the same concept with the opposite partner taking the lead.
You begin with, “A quality from my mother that I would like to leave behind is…” Repeat this five times.
Next, you offer five unique sentences starting with: “A trait from my mother that I would like to embody in my own mothering is…”
Lastly, your husband presents five sentences to you, starting with: “I see you as a mother who…”
Remember this last sentence is to be spoken in the present tense, by your husband to you, as if you already own and act upon the desired traits from your own mother.
Notice each other’s parenting through the week, taking extra care to appreciate the qualities you are each wishing to gravitate towards, and extending compassion for each other as you traverse the road of self-realization in parenting.
Stay tuned for more.
About Jessica Williams
Jessica Williams created L.O.V.E. Parenting with a series of techniques for effective communication, deepened connection and more joy in parenting and life. Jessica is also the creator of www.UltimateParentingCourse.com with the best of today's progressive parenting experts together in one program. Jessica is a featured expert internationally on both Mothering.com’s Ask An Expert and the upcoming www.KidsInTheHouse.com. Jessica is a regular contributor to Mothering Magazine’s All Things Mothering, LA Parent Magazine, LA Mom Magazine & DailyBuzzMoms. She has been interviewed on television and radio and taught workshops at family wellness centers, schools and doctor’s offices. Her BirthKit has helped women have a transformational & empowering birth. Jessica maintains a private coaching practice in her native Los Angeles where she lives with her husband and their three children. “Truly amazing woman. I love her advice.”—Carrie-Anne Moss. “All you have shared has helped tremendously.”—Lisa Bonet. “I am experiencing nothing short of a miracle thanks to your laser beam approach.” –Andrea Bendewald.