Related Forum Threads
- My husband hates my daughter Last post on 5/16/13 at 1:41pm in Blended and Step Family Parenting
- Do you curse around your child? Last post on 5/9/13 at 12:23am in Parenting
- What do you buy for yourself? Last post on 4/30/13 at 12:57pm in Parenting
- Anyone have those friends who have no business being parents?? Last post on 4/27/13 at 1:25pm in Parenting
- Co-parenting...handling differences in parenting styles Last post on 4/18/13 at 8:03am in Single Parenting
Happy Simple Baby Love
Edited on 5/20/13
- Making the GradeEdited on 5/16/13
- There Is Not Always a "Fix" For the Difficult ChildEdited on 4/29/13
- Five Tips for Helping Tweens (Re)Discover Pleasure Reading
Alphabetical Article List
On Being a Perfect Mother
Thinking, feeling our way through motherhood.
By V.K. Harber
Hey, remember when you were growing up and you swore up and down that when you had children of your own you would never ever in a million years do that thing that your mother did? Yeah, me too. Yet, here I am, mother of my very own living breathing challenging toddler and I have, on more than one occasion, heard the very same words that used to issue forth from my mother’s mouth, pouring out over my own lips.
Sometimes, whatever comes out is the right thing for the circumstances. (Thanks, mom!) Sometimes it is most definitely not and an apology is in order. (Thanks a lot, Mom.) And sometimes, I just don’t know. (Thanks, Mom?) I find myself questioning, wondering, second-guessing, and otherwise doubting my abilities as a parent. Did I handle that properly? Have I scarred him for life? Does he understand? Did I turn out alright because of or in spite of [insert any parenting decision here]?
These are questions I ponder with a reliable regularity and while I do not wish to be the type of parent that raises their children however they were raised without much questioning or reconsidering, I also wouldn’t mind a break every now and again from the unrelenting self-analysis. I’d like to experience with more frequency that feeling that I get while I’m working. I believe it is called confidence.
I was contemplating all of this while I walked to the new coffee shop that just opened across the street from our apartment building. I ordered my Americano in broken Korean and found a seat. The barista brought me my coffee and there staring me in the face was this message: We think too much and feel little.
I don’t love the idea of being called out by a coffee cup sleeve, but what can I say? Truth is truth, no matter the source. The fact is, I have had parenting moments when I’ve felt confident and sure. I’ve had these moments in the midst of my many questions, but they’ve rarely been as a result of me thinking my way to an answer. They’ve come when I’ve allowed myself to do what felt right - when I’ve responded to my baby’s cries immediately, and cuddled with him in bed, and nursed him on demand. I’ve had these moments when I’ve responded instinctively, in the moment. To be sure, my instincts have sometimes been wrong, but often they are right, and even if they are not perfect they are indeed good enough.
It is this lesson that I need to learn over and over again. All the thinking in the world will not make me a perfect mother. Nothing will. But if I can quiet my mind long enough to recognize what I’m feeling, I can be good enough.
About V.K. Harber
V.K. Harber is a yogi, writer and mother of one. She is the co-founder and former managing director of Samdhana-Karana Yoga: A Healing Arts Center in Tacoma, WA, a non-profit yoga studio.She currently resides in Seoul, South Korea where she works as a yoga teacher and post-partum doula. (www.vkharber.com) She is also a contributing writer at World Moms Blog and can be found on twitter @VKHarberRYT.
- Making the Grade
- › Queer Conceptions: May 2013 18 minutes ago
- › ~+~+~+~+~ May 2013 Chat *~*~*~*~* 19 minutes ago
- › A Saner TTC-The Pink Moon 22 minutes ago
- › is this positive (CD 14) 30 minutes ago
- › Need advice- obsessed Grandma causing problems 34 minutes ago
- › April 2013 Book Challenge 47 minutes ago
- › Taking The Scenic Route to a BFP - Winter/Spring 2013 Edition 50 minutes ago
- › Summer Homeschooling? Are you doing any? 1 hour, 2 minutes ago
- › Grimm's Spiel & Holz Fraction Circles Puzzle 1 hour, 18 minutes ago
- › May the road rise up to meet you, Dingoes everywhere! 1 hour, 18 minutes ago
- › The First Years Breastflow BPA Free Bottle, 5 Ounce by KaliShanti
- › Simple Wishes Hands-Free Breastpump Bra, XS/S/M by KaliShanti
- › Seal N Go Breast Milk Freezer Disposable Liners - 25 / Pack by KaliShanti
- › Medela Quick Clean Micro-Steam Bags by KaliShanti
- › Lansinoh 20435 Breastmilk Storage Bags, 25-Count Boxes (Pack of 3) by KaliShanti
- › Medela Pump and Save Storage Bags- 20-count by KaliShanti
- › Philips AVENT ISIS Manual Breast Pump, White by KaliShanti
- › Ameda Purely Yours Ultra Breast Pump by KaliShanti
- › Philips AVENT BPA Free Natural Polypropylene Bottles by KaliShanti
- › Gilligan & O'Malley® Womens Full Sling Long Nursing Tank by KaliShanti
- › My Heart Growing Fonder by VKHarberRYT
- › Happy Simple Baby Love by Melanie Mayo
- › Buying Pot for my 11-Year-Old by momofnatasha
- › Making the Grade by Melanie Mayo
- › Homeopathy -- A Lifesaver For Your Summer... by Melanie Mayo
- › Relax. Parenting Is Supposed to Be Messy,... by Brian Leaf
- › Managing Mom Stress: Sharing Tips and Trying... by Melanie Mayo
- › Who Wants to Sleep Alone? by Cynthia Mosher
- › Should I Train My Child....Like a Dog?! by Sarah Clark
- › Mothering Articles by Melanie Mayo