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"You need more pink!" - Raising a Daughter in a Monochromatic World

I can’t pinpoint exactly when Americans felt the necessity to dress their daughters up like Easter baskets with ribbons, ruffles, sparkles and bows in order to prove they were girls, but I can say that as a child born in 1976, those things were generally reserved for special occasions. There are plenty of photos of me and my three older sisters wearing earth tones and primary colors, or even blue without any flowers or frilly things with it!


Personally, I hate the color pink, and as one might imagine given today’s society, this became somewhat problematic once I had a daughter. While there are a few muted shades I can tolerate, I usually find myself shuttering and ultimately fleeing the girls section in clothing stores. Particularly the shoe department, as it seems no girl can be without a bedazzled flower, rainbow or glitter on her already pink shoes.


Don’t get me wrong, I see plenty of girls dolled up in pink floral dresses with ribbons in their hair and I find them absolutely adorable! I have no problem with other parents choosing to dress their children this way, because that is absolutely their own decision and far from my business to judge. Worrying about how others dress their children is not something I see as a valuable way to spend my time. However, when it comes to my own daughter, something about the whole thing makes me cringe. I dread the day when she will start to submit to marketing, peer pressure and social paradigms. She is only 3 years old, and I’m already struggling to devise a way to somehow protect her from this oversimplified “genderfication,” as I personally like to call it.


It is infuriating to say the least, because there is something far greater going on than simply dressing girls in pink. The notion that girls are only meant to be pretty little princesses has far reaching implications, and marketing, media and society all seem to be on board with the plan. Whether or not immersing my daughter in this sparkle covered pink world of Barbies and princesses will have an adverse impact on her life is a topic for another post. My intention is to focus on the color divide that has evolved around our children. It truly baffles me.


For the first year and a half of her life, I could probably count on one hand the number of times strangers referred to my daughter as a girl. Even if she was wearing hints of pink, the response given far too often after it was revealed that she was not a boy was, “You need more pink.” You need more pink? What does that even mean? I have to dress my daughter monochromatically because you are incapable of uttering an extra sentence to inquire about the sex of my baby? These people always acted as if I had her dressed head to toe in baby blue, and it was obviously all my fault for leading them astray. When in actuality, my means of trickery usually consisted of her wearing earth tones, primary colors, or even pastel yellows and greens.


Since my baby carriers were blue and brown, my stroller was green with a light blue interior, and these mistakes were made on a number of occasions when she was dressed noticably (but not overwhelmingly) "girly," it made me question whether baby gear colors trump clothing in shaping people's perception. I was unaware that I had to extend the pink rule to my baby gear as well. In the end, I was always more irritated by the foolish color related comments than the fact that they mixed up her sex.


What struck me about the whole thing was that by their logic baby boys are permitted to wear ALL but one or two colors, whereas girls are strictly limited to pink, and I suppose by close relation purple. When did this happen? I realize it’s been going on for some time now, but it only seems to be getting worse. The few commercials I have managed to catch that are aimed at young girls practically make my head spin Exorcist style. There’s usually a few girls playing in a bedroom, EVERYTHING in the room is pink, and there are sparkles literally flying through the air. What is the reasoning behind this? Is our society so hell bent on instilling female gender roles from infancy onward, that from day one we have to blanket their entire world in the one color that is associated with women? Will they not know that they are girls if every single thing they own, from school supplies to dishes, isn't pink or purple? I’m pretty sure if we opened up the spectrum a bit, girls would still play with dolls and adhere to all the other parameters of their “genderfication.”


For the record, I’m not against playing with dolls, or many other things typically associated with girls. The division of labor in my home could not be more stereotypically assigned, with me doing the cooking, cleaning, laundry, sewing and daytime child rearing. I adore fulfilling that role and wouldn’t have it any other way. I think doll play for both boys and girls instills nurturing abilities, and pretending to be a princess is wonderful exercise for the imagination. However, my daughter also plays with cars (which she loves!) among other things, and even at this early age is showing signs of becoming what some may consider a tomboy. I just wish that everything for girls wasn’t color coded, and especially in the case of toys, that pink girly things weren’t the ONLY things marketed towards them. Sadly, I only see this problem getting worse. As a result, chances are my daughter’s favorite color will be pink. If that’s the case – so be it, as long as it makes her happy.



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400Amy Serotkin is dedicated to sustainable living and finding ways to eliminate toxins in her home.  She is an avid organic gardener and cook, and is always looking for more ways to challenge herself to lessen her family's ecological imprint.


Her website, The Mindful Home, shares with consumers the information she's found on toxins and eco friendly products that help eliminate disposables or toxin exposure.  She also hopes to highlight smaller retailers, crafters and manufacturers.


Comments (6)

I feel you. And I could add so much. I will say that at four my daughter ended up being a sparkly princess much to my horror...but at 6 she wears blue, black, pink, red and purple rather equally and it is super rare for her to be dressed in all pink...She now complains about how hard it is to find black clothes for girls.  She also plays with boys 80%+ of the time and collects dolls. I let her go through her pink phase and just talked her through it, often pointing out the absurdity of pink. She has also decided that barbies are one of the more inferior lines of dolls. Phew!
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I've let my daughter choose as soon as she was able. I offer a variety of styles i like and she has an older brother influence as well. She's almost 4 and pink and purple to her little heart. She loves pretty things, ponies, princesses, dresses and watching me put on make-up. She also likes her brothers old batman PJs and letting her hair flow wildly. There is nothing wrong with letting them make their own choices and not pushing our own personal opinions on them. I like black and gray clothing and don't really like colors at all except for a splash here and there. That doesn't mean she can't be a pretty princess if she wants. :)
I read Peggy Orenstein's book, Cinderella Ate My Daughter, while pregnant with my baby girl.  She is now almost 2 1/2 and although I usually offer her a choice of two outfits... many times I just pick.  I also dislike the over use of PINK!  Back in the early 1900's, when my grandmother was a young girl, the color for girls was blue.  Red was most popular for boys.  I remember as a young girl in the 70's, being forbidden to touch my grandmother's dolls... all in fancy blue velvet.    I also trend towards gender neutral outfits, strollers, and accessories.  My little redhead looks adorable in blue and green.  I am happy that she loves her "babies", but is also a fan of blocks, match box cars, bugs, and books.  I truly aspire to raise a well rounded child... not a Disney Princess in pepto bismal pink.
I agree with the sentiments here, and try to avoid limiting any colour for either my boy or my girl.  Lately, my son (age 5) commented on how hard it was to get clothes in his favourite colour:  purple.  On a side note, I used to chuckle when strangers would comment on my "adorable little girl" when my son was little.  He would be dressed in the most boyish boy clothes ever and still strangers in a store would call him a girl.  I finally figured out it was the full head of curly hair that he was born with!
I not a big fan of pink either. I was a tom girl as a child and my favorite photo of myself as a child is one of me standing with bare feet in our gravel driveway and I'm wearing blue jeans and a red and white checkered shirt (my "cowboy" shirt) at 4 years old. My daughter happens to love pink though she equally loves blues too.
Mothering › Baby Articles › You Need More Pink Raising A Daughter In A Monochromatic World