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Mothering › Child Articles › "Your confidence will get you far."

"Your confidence will get you far."

100_1628Good evening, friends. My children enjoyed a lovely summer day with neighbors and good friends. We have an urban, collective sort of farm going on and between three houses we have chickens, bunnies, fish, cats, hamsters, and a pig! And we live in West Los Angeles! So, the children were frolicking and running between the houses. They swam in the house with a pool, took a bath with six kids in a tub, face-painted, water-colored, rode bikes; a gorgeous offering of yumminess in my oh-so-humble opinion. Then it came time to leave the fun and accompany Mom (me) on some errands. My children protested. They resisted. They made their dissatisfaction known. Now, I probably could have left them with the neighbors, but I had already done that earlier while I was seeing a client, and it had been a full day and I wanted to pull my children back into their center. I knew that in the rather benign in-and-out tasks of my errands, they would locate themselves internally within the microcosm of our family and have a little downtime from the stimulus; part of the balance of living in the kind of social atmosphere that we enjoy. So, I acknowledged their displeasure with my choice for our next activity but proceeded none-the-less. We hit the road and hit many marks, and by the end of things, I decided to go to a restaurant for our dinner. This is a rare treat for my children as 95% of our meals are eaten at home. Now, shockingly enough, when I announced the thrill at the end of the errands, my son burst into tears saying that he didn’t like eating in restaurants, it wasn’t fun and he “wasn’t happy at all.” I responded with a L.O.V.E. Parenting technique called “Feelings Pass.” I didn’t try to talk him out of his feelings, I didn’t shame him for being “ungrateful,” nor did I change our plan. I mirrored what I was hearing, I picked him up and held him and told him I was sorry it wasn’t his first choice. I explained my reasoning as to why were going out to dinner. And then we proceeded to enter the restaurant. I was a little nervous about how my son would handle it, especially because we are usually on an early bed schedule and here I was entering a restaurant at 7:30pm with a six-year old, four-year old and a 16-month-old, without my husband no less. But, for some reason, I decided to just “be that mom” and assume it would be easy-breazy, as if I was with girlfriends. We entered and there was a television on. My screen-deprived son was suddenly quite on board with my dining-out decision. Rather than push my luck and log extra hours sitting waiting for the food, we went to the restroom to leisurely wash up and pass the time. We returned and I served my youngest bits of the big-people-food and we truly enjoyed ourselves. We left and my son was complimentary, my eldest daughter was thrilled with the “date” and my baby was a mess but happy. I felt satisfied that I hadn’t been swayed by their grumbling at errands and my son’s resistance to going out to dinner. Their feelings can pass, just as ours do. Sometimes theirs are more intimidating because they can be so vocal about their displeasure. But, that doesn’t mean we have to react and change our plan. We can instead, bear witness, empathize and then proceed and teach them to exercise the muscle that “feelings pass.” Everyone ate fortune cookies on the way home; the first one read, “Your self-confidence will get you far.” L.O.V.E. Parenting

Jessica Williams

About Jessica Williams

Jessica Williams created L.O.V.E. Parenting with a series of techniques for effective communication, deepened connection and more joy in parenting and life. Jessica is also the creator of www.UltimateParentingCourse.com with the best of today's progressive parenting experts together in one program. Jessica is a featured expert internationally on both Mothering.com’s Ask An Expert and the upcoming www.KidsInTheHouse.com. Jessica is a regular contributor to Mothering Magazine’s All Things Mothering, LA Parent Magazine, LA Mom Magazine & DailyBuzzMoms. She has been interviewed on television and radio and taught workshops at family wellness centers, schools and doctor’s offices. Her BirthKit has helped women have a transformational & empowering birth. Jessica maintains a private coaching practice in her native Los Angeles where she lives with her husband and their three children. “Truly amazing woman. I love her advice.”—Carrie-Anne Moss. “All you have shared has helped tremendously.”—Lisa Bonet. “I am experiencing nothing short of a miracle thanks to your laser beam approach.” –Andrea Bendewald.

Comments (7)

So true - it is all about the confidence or even pretending to be confident. Inhale - exhale - you are so right about having a proper flow. Namaste, Nicole .-= Nicole´s last blog ..Watercolor Tuesday - Heart-Shaped Puddle =-.
Oh yes Jessica--- i feel like i'm reading about my own life you remind and inspire me all at the same time my favorite line---- to bear witness feelings pass---what an important life lesson all my love Carrie-anne
There are times that I feel the eyes of the world upon me as if strangers are undressing my very soul while I tend to my nearly preschool age son in public. I feel the heat like a hot flash and try to "be" the mother, shutting out my concerns for what others think as I respond. He might ask for "num-nums" at a very unfortunate moment or place, or just be tired and expressing himself in the manner of a toddler in need of collecting. I feel angry at society and sorry for him as I think about how in future decades breastfeeding will be and should be embraced everywhere, anytime, for any age child but that he and I will have missed out on such freedom to respond with love in public. Still, I manage to respond in a soothing way, feeling the glances of others possibly wondering why I don't react in the typical "modern" manner of disciplining children. It is during these times that I remind myself that being in that moment with my son as if the rest of the world does not exist is the right way to be. I may not feel the confidence, but I know what is needed and the response is often enough to strengthen my spine and know that I am loving my son in the truest sense of the word.
Wow, that was very inspiring. I felt as though I had taken a deep breath...Where can I find more info on L.O.V.E parenting? I tried to google it.
Dear Ashley, Thanks so much for writing, that is so sweet of you to say. You can check out my blog/website: www.LoveParentingLA.com. I lead workshops, classes and do private coaching. There is also a L.O.V.E. Parenting Cd with guided meditation, visualizations, techniques and tools. All the best, Jessica .-= Jessica Williams´s last blog ..Nursing Again- Big Girl- Will Nurse =-.
i too would like to know more about L.O.V.E.
Thank you for your insights. I especially enjoyed hearing about your moment of nervousness upon entering the restaurant -- a feeling common to all of us parents -- and how that feeling too "will pass."
Mothering › Child Articles › "Your confidence will get you far."