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You Can't Spoil Them with Love

By S.K. Valenzuela   Though Valentine's Day has already come and gone, the whole month of February always seems to me to be dedicated to love. It gives us a fabulous excuse to reflect on what love really is and to assess our growth in love.    I teach Baby Care classes at an area hospital, and one of my goals is to help parents to understand the fundamental relationship between responsiveness and trust. It's a cycle that begins from the very first moments after birth and continues...well, frankly, I don't think it ever ends. The basic premise is that responding... read more

Raising a Child Who Wants to Behave: Dare Not to Discipline

Thank you to Dr. Laura Markham and Perigree Books for sharing this exclusive excerpt of Dr. Markham's new book Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting.   How to Set Empathic Limits Setting limits is an essential part of parenting. Limits keep our children safe and healthy and support them in learning social norms so that they can function happily in society. And if we set limits empathically, kids are more likely to internalize the ability to set limits for themselves, which is otherwise known as self-discipline.   How are you... read more

Holiday time: when family & friends criticise your parenting choices

By Lisa Hassan Scott         “Well, when you come to visit, I can try to see if I can get a portable crib.” My husband and I were planning our first visit to his parents’ house, and my in-laws were really excited.  “That won’t be necessary,” I said, “the baby will just sleep with us.”  A silence.  “With you?  But won’t you roll on top of her?”  And so began a conversation about parenting that has been going on for ten years.  At first, I felt uncomfortable and defensive of our choices.  Everything we were doing was so, well, different from the choices our... read more

Taming the Dragon ~ Finding Influence with our Kids Through Attachment and Self-Love

By Katharina Sandizell   Have you ever told your child the same thing again and again, but haven’t been able to get him or her to stop hitting a sibling, shouting at you, or ignoring your requests?  Do you sometimes wish your child would listen or be more respectful?  Do you ever wonder if and when the tantrums will stop? Well, I think most parents face these and many more challenges with their kids.  Often parents can feel helpless and alone when it comes to handling and correcting their children’s behavior.  Many people may not... read more

Cry for Connection

By Patty Wipfler Issue 115, November/December 2002 The man at my parenting talk is exasperated by his two-year-old son's behavior. "First, he wants a glass of milk," he tells me. "I pour the glass and hand it to him, and he gets upset and says he doesn't want it. So I say, 'Okay, then, I'll drink the milk.' I'm trying to show him I'm flexible. But he fusses and says, 'No, don't drink it, I want it!' I offer it to him again, and he swats it away! What in the world is going on?" He adds that these episodes are increasing. What could end this cycle of contradictory wants... read more

AuthoritATIVE parenting, not AuthoritARIAN Parenting

I talk a lot in my lectures and coaching sessions about the child’s need for our calm, loving authority as parents. Let me clarify loud and clear that I mean authoritative parenting, not authoritarian parenting! In the authoritarian style of parenting, children’s unquestioning obedience is the goal — a short-sighted approach on every level, including optimally healthy development of the child’s social brain, which is the polestar of parenting for peace. Authoritative parenting takes a longer view and is marked by the parents’ decisive yet respectful... read more

Why They Whine

Why They Whine: How Corporations Prey on our Children By Gary Ruskin Web Exlusive Cheryl Idell knows a lot about nagging. She has written reports for major corporations with such titles as the "Nag Factor" and "The Art of Fine Whining." She tells her clients that nagging spurs about a third of a family's trips to a fast-food restaurant, to buy children's clothing or a video. Idell, who is chief strategic officer for Western Initiative Media Worldwide, a major market research firm, speaks with the cold precision of a physicist. "Nagging falls into two... read more

5 Out-of-the-Box Ways to Make Your Child..."LISTEN!!"

One of the most frequent questions I get is, How do I get my child to listen to me? What lingers in the roots just beneath this question is, How do I get her to respect me? The two are intimately entwined. As so often happens with Life’s sticky questions, sometimes we can unstick things a bit by turning the question around: rather than How can I get my child to listen to me, we can get far more traction with How can I make myself more “listenable”? The fact is, you can never “make” your child do or be anything! Oh sure, we’re lulled into the comforting... read more

Instead of Hitting

Issue 127 By Peggy O'Mara  At a meeting I attended recently, I mentioned an article we wanted to solicit entitled “Instead of Hitting.” One woman asked what the title meant. Another said, “But doesn’t the Bible tell us to hit our kids?” Later in the conversation, when I questioned the wisdom of time-outs, people were even more confused. Well, if we don’t hit or punish—I could hear them all wonder silently—then what are we supposed to do? These are legitimate concerns. When I was a new mom 30 years ago, I had these same questions. I started out hitting my kids. I... read more

Anger Management

By Elizabeth Bruce Web Exclusive It's a dirty little secret. Good mothers get angry. Sometimes they get really angry. Stay-at-home moms do it, working moms do it, all moms do it. Take it from me. I am the mother of four young children, two of them, er, "spirited," so I know a thing or two about maternal anger. Kids will be kids, and as such, they will get into trouble, fight, wreck things, and argue with you. As an adult, it is often hard to sympathize with children's irrational, destructive, messy, or loud behaviors. Anger does not mean that you don't love your... read more

Mothering › Child Articles