• Last updated 11/19/12 by Hoyamum

By Lisa Hassan Scott         “Well, when you come to visit, I can try to see if I can get a portable crib.” My husband and I were planning our first visit to his parents’ house, and my in-laws were really excited.  “That won’t be necessary,” I said, “the baby will just sleep with us.”  A silence.  “With you?  But won’t you roll on top of her?”  And so began a conversation about parenting that has been going on for ten years.  At first, I felt uncomfortable and defensive of our choices.  Everything we were doing was so, well, different from the choices our... read more

• Last updated 5/2/13 by AdinaL

The problem with time-out is that it doesn't work. Time-out teaches a child little about her behavior or how to act differently in the future. A time-out is supposed to give a child a chance to collect herself and reflect on her wrong-doings - but such reflection is a lot to expect of a child who is probably too overwhelmed by her own emotions to think clearly about her actions. Rather, the child is apt to focus on her feelings of frustration at not having her needs met, rejection at being sent away when she needed her parents' understanding, and anger at not being... read more

• Last updated 4/3/13 by Cynthia Mosher

Need some help with punishment alternatives? Copy this list and post it where you can see it, as a constant reminder. Use positive reinforcement. Create a positive environment. Say yes as much as possible. Save no for the important things. Use natural consequences. Use logical consequences. Use restitution. Leave it up to your child. Compromise. State your expectations, and get out of the way. Give specific instructions. Give a reason. Offer help. Give a choice. Redirect your... read more

• Last updated 2/27/13 by IdentityCrisisMama

Gentle Discipline Resource List Compiled by your Gentle Discipline Forum Friends   Instead of Hitting by Peggy O'Mara Support Mothering and buy these books through Amazon! You can see reviews for the books at Amazon too - links placed. Books The Truth Will Set You Free: Overcoming Emotional Blindness and Finding Your True Adult Self by Alice Miller For Your Own Good by Alice Miller Thou Shalt Not Be Aware: Society's Betrayal of the Child by Alice Miller Without Spanking or Spoiling by Elizabeth Crary Becoming the Parent You Want to Be by... read more

• Last updated 3/20/13 by mamazee

My daughter was lying on my bed. She was five and a half. She looked around the room and said it was so peaceful and beautiful. She noted that my room had altars with candles and photos and there were no toys in my room. She said that she liked my room more than the room she shares with her brother. She went on to decide that she hated her room and that it wasn’t fair and I had the good room. She worked herself up rather quickly. I went through a myriad of response feelings internally: “Back off, this is my room. Of course my room is peaceful... read more

• Last updated 3/20/13 by mamazee

Snow Creek, California The Talking Stick ritual was introduced to me from a man who learned the tradition from his elders. It was taught to me thusly: Gather in a circle There is a stick or sacred item in the middle of the circle Whomever is holding the stick speaks and the others in the circle listen Words spoken are lean Whatever is said in the circle stays in the circle (unless permission is given) The one using the talking stick speaks from his/her heart, about his/her truth A... read more

• Last updated 3/20/13 by mamazee

Humbled once again. I’m in a clothing store. I’ve “set the stage” (unfortunately, I did not do a recent reminder about this concept…) with my children that we buy what they need, so this means that they may or may not get the same thing as the other. As in, older sister has outgrown her flats and needs new shoes. Younger brother has a plethera of fitting shoes as he gets hand-me-downs from an only child two years his senior. He will not be getting shoes today. Younger brother needs another plaid shirt since he has one and has worn it twelve days in a... read more

• Last updated 3/20/13 by mamazee

Hi Friends,   I have a story to share with you and it illustrates the L.O.V.E. Parenting tool of “Setting the Stage.”   The back story is my daughter and son are used to doing most things together, excepting a a few special girlfriends that my daughter sees on her own, and one special house filled with three brothers that my son visits on his own. The house-of-boys also features many hot-ticket experiences that my son doesn’t get in our home, such as playing with every lego ever created, video games, unlimited movies and ice-cream for... read more

• Last updated 3/20/13 by mamazee

Hi Friends, Here is a simple L.O.V.E. Parenting tool called “Excuse me, Mom, will you please reconsider?” Have you ever answered, “No,” too quickly, instantly regretted your decision and then been faced with your child’s incessant demand? Have you ever answered, “No,” rather benignly, and then been startled by an overwhelming explosion of dismay from your child? If you can teach your children to say the simple phrase of “Excuse me, Mom, will you please reconsider?” instead of begging, pleading, shouting, demanding, screaming, hitting, pouting, or... read more

• Last updated 3/14/13 by mamazee

I still remember when one of my aunts, furious at her son’s defiant and impolite behavior, ran into the bathroom to grab a hairbrush so she could spank him with it. I was downstairs playing. I cowered behind the couch in the living room, trying to make myself as small as possible, trying to disappear. She went back upstairs with the hairbrush. I didn’t see her spank my cousin but I heard him shrieking. I’m not sure how old I was, maybe four? My parents did not hit me when I was a child and I felt confused and frightened by my aunt’s... read more