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So DS is kicked out...and it hurts (xposted)

5K views 54 replies 30 participants last post by  pixiewytch 
#1 ·
We knew this day was coming but last night was it. DS was asked not to come for the rest of kindergarten year at waldorf.

I have posted on here quite a bit lately about DS's problems with aggressiveness, hitting, sensory issues, etc. He was at waldorf on a special needs scholarship but his behavior has been escalating as he gets older and harder to manage. We still don't have a diagnosis or know the root of his problems in general.

Well with about two months of school left, we were asked to leave. We all agreed that because of his disruptions lately there really isn't a better option at this point. I guess what hurts the most is the stigma I've been dealing with lately. I mean, the teachers have been above and beyond trying to help and accommodate him but I feel like the parents haven't been understanding. I've been getting more and more self conscious when bringing him there about people thinking "oh, there's that bad kid" like I've done something to deserve it....and thus, I have even noticed up to this point other moms not being very chatty to me.

DS is very sweet and not a malicious child. He could be talking about how beautiful a flower is one minute and then go in a rage the next because he hears a noise that upsets him.

It is just so easy when you have a "normal" child to judge the other children. I feel like people don't care where your kid goes as long as they just go away. How is this going to affect him as he gets older? He is already starting to get low self esteem from being self aware of some of his shortcomings.

And now I have to explain to him that he can't go back to school Monday. The teacher told me to just tell him it is more important to be home right now but he isn't going to understand that. He will want to know why he can't see his friends. We didn't really get any closure either. We just found out last night after a school meeting and that was it.

His teacher said that if we find out what is going on and find some resolution over the summer we are welcome to contact the first grade teacher (when he or she is hired) and see if they will take him.

I'm just really broken hearted about this right now and the social stigma I'm feeling is starting to hit hard lately.
 
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#30 ·

sorry, mama.
It's hard when our kid is "that kid".
Ds is "that kid who snaps and punches his friends if they accidentally bump or otherwise hurt him".

We love them so much, it's hard to see them criticized.

Your little fellow seems to be dealing with more than ds at this point, but I just wanted you to know: I understand the protective/ cringing feeling.

And hey, maybe consider homeschooling. With a small group of friends, and mama around, perhaps it would be less overwheming.
 
#31 ·
Quote:
fluttermama, we are using aurum trit twice a day. So far I haven't seen any improvement really but it hasn't quite been a month so I don't know....
The stibium part is important for the hyperactivity. I have the bottle here now...it's Weleda Aurum/Hyoscyamus/Stibium. He takes 8 drops 3 times per day (when I remember).
If you haven't seen any improvement in a month, you probably should try something else, IMO.
 
#32 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by kmeyrick View Post
Could the doctor run blood tests for chemical imbalances, nutrition imbalances, etc that could be causing his rages?

It sounds to me Pixiewitch that this is physical in nature. Could it be chromosomal?
Yes, I've considered all of that. Just the thought of the cost of all of those tests makes me cringe right now and since I've been on lots of wild goose chases already this year, I'm just trying to be careful about finding someone who can cover all bases at once, not just focus on nutrition or chemical or something else. Ugh. It really is a frustrating process.
 
#34 ·
Quote:
Yes, I've considered all of that. Just the thought of the cost of all of those tests makes me cringe right now and since I've been on lots of wild goose chases already this year, I'm just trying to be careful about finding someone who can cover all bases at once, not just focus on nutrition or chemical or something else. Ugh. It really is a frustrating process.
You are so right...it's so hard to find someone who will focus on the whole--individual--child. ((((((HUGS)))))) And it's exhausting when you are already exhausted.
 
#35 ·
Pixiewytch !
I am so, so sorry !

I know it is awful, but maybe in the end it will be better for your son and your family. If he really does have special needs than at least it was caught early. In that case, maybe at home with his family will be what is best, or maybe some other shool that will fit his needs.

I believe everything happens for a reason and to try to see the best in everything. I no this will turn out for the best. As for the community turning it's back on you, how obnoxious. That just really makes me angry !!

You are loved on this forum and we are all here to chat when you need to. I agree with another poster who said you should tell your sweet son something else rather than he was asked not to come back.

Have you seen this,

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Waldorfhmschspneeds/

What a wonderful waldorf advocate you have been. I hope you continue with waldorf methods, in whatever path you choose....

(((Hugs))) to you both...
 
#37 ·
I'm so sorry that the school is not working out for your DS right now and that your family has to go through this.

If you want to homeschool Waldorf I'd recommend the Oaksong Cirriculum (you can purchase it online) it comes with everything you need and is purely Waldorf based. Many friends of mine have had great success with it.

As far as the social stigma (not that it matters that much now) but were the other parents aware that he may have a sensory issue or a condition that causes him to act out?

I only point it out because my child came home daily with reports that another boy was hitting him (had once bitten him and left a red mark) and yelled at him. This was confirmed when I saw the child chasing DS with a stick swinging it (the teacher was intervening shortly after) until I KNEW this child had symptoms of a possible sensory disorder, I just thought he was a bully.

And I was all mamabear about my son being hurt. (Although I didn't act cold toward his mother or the boy)

I really hope that the OT can help you on your path to knowing what is going on with your child, so that he can be nurtured the way he needs to be to thrive and flourish. Maybe by the fall things will be much more straightened out for you all and he can return to the school.
 
#38 ·
Enchanted Gypsy, thanks so much for your heartfelt post. I really do appreciate it. I think of you guys too from time to time in that bus of yours. It is nice to know that we can all sort of connect to one another from across the country.


Breeder, you are on to something about the parents being in the know. Unfortunately I didn't think much about this early on, probably because a part of me didn't want to single him out as a child with something wrong but in hindsight I think we definitely should have made it a priority to inform the other parents about what was going on with him.

For all interested, we had an eval on Friday and he definitely has tactile and auditory sensory. We pretty much knew this already but this just makes it a bit more official. We will be starting regular OT this summer and then hopefully see some improvement.

I also talked to the school administrator who has invited him to summer camp if we would like to try that out and has also offered us some leftover scholarship dollars for any therapy we might need outside of the school. I really appreciate that they are offering those things to accommodate us. At least I don't feel completely shut out of the school anymore. She reminded me that she would like to do whatever she can to keep the doors open for us and see that he gets to first grade.
 
#39 ·
I'm glad you're getting some answers, pixiewytch.

And keep in the back of your mind that public school districts can be compelled to provide special needs services even for students who are enrolled in private schools. In the schools where I live, you're unlikely to get much help for students this young yet, and there are a lot of bureaucratic hoops to jump, including having to undergo their own assessment process. Sometimes it works out great here, providing needed services that would literally bankrupt the average family. But other times, the ordeal is just a frustrating dead end. But I thought I'd put that out there because it's possibly one option to look into.
 
#40 ·
I skimmed quickly so forgive me if I'm restating.

A. My older son sees in OT - it's covered by our MEDICAL insurance, not mental health. We paid for the eval out of pocket because we were between insurance. They sent a copy of the eval to our pediatrician who wrote a prescription for OT. The OT office wouldn't see us without the Rx for actual therapy.

B. I had a longer appointment with DS's pediatrician about medical sources for behavioral conditions. It's been a pain and a half to get that actual appointment covered (he listed is as a mental health appointment because we were discussing behavior - MH won't pay because he's not a psychiatrist, MI won't cover because it was a behavioral health issue). He ordered a bunch of blood work and a CT scan (which came back fine, but the pediatrician considered the test of last resort) and said if that all came back fine, he'd refer us to a developmental pediatrician. We probably should still see the DP, but the change in Daniel in the year+ that he's seen the OT has been so impressive that we're working with just that right now.

C. OT is fun for most kids - I offer that as an FYI so that you can let your child know. For kids with SID there are lots of chances for jumping/climbing/sensory input. DS, who's always been VERY anxious was willing to go back alone with the OT after 4 visits (which was wonderful for me in that I no longer had to get childcare for my other child).
 
#41 ·
Linda, thanks for your suggestion. He was getting services through public school with an IEP when he was in preK there but our scholarship to a private school means that we have opted out of "the system" and pretty much are on our own. I even called some resources last week to confirm that and they advised that I put him back in public school. So that is pretty much where that stands.


Amey, we have an appt with the ped this week to get a referral to the OT as you described. She is super thorough, almost to the point of it being an annoyance so I'm a bit worried that she might make us jump through some expensive and superfluous hoops to get this OT.
Since we have zero mental health benefits, the OT route is definitely more feasible for us.

I'm really glad to hear it is working out for your child as well.
 
#42 ·
Pixie,
Glad to hear your eval went well and you're getting some answers- finally!
I do hope that your DS will be in first in the fall, he really is a smart and sweet kid.

Hugs to you, and I'm sending good vibes your way that Xenu doesn't jinx your ped appt.


Are you still up for Wednesday?
 
#44 ·
We have only sought alternative evaluations so far. First we went through a chiropractor for vestibular issues. Then we went to an anthroposophic doctor which turned out to be pretty useless for us. I know there are many more alternative avenues to seek but they all cost money and none are covered by insurance so it is hard for me to narrow in which ones to see. After all, so far we haven't seen a lot of improvement from alternative avenues.
 
#45 ·
Pixiewytch - I saw your post and just had to respond.

I could write a novel - I have been in the exact same position as you are with a 5yo DD in a Waldorf school. I ended up pulling her out after 6 weeks.

You are not a bad parent. Your son is not a horrible kid.

My DD ended up being diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome and sensory issues. Yes, we had to pay out-of-pocket for this - first went to our family doctor for a referral to a children's psychologist. I have to say - I'm not big on alternative evaluations/methods when there is a serious issue going on. I say get the official diagnosis from a doctor, and then try the alternative methods afterwards.

You say you had an IEP going on - well, that may be the only way to get back to free help - public school.

I know how it feels to be in love with a Waldorf school, and then have to leave it. It's really heart-breaking. But it's more important for your son to be in the right educational environment.

I understand your emotions. I pulled my daughter out 7 months ago, and I'm still angry and bitter about it all. Not as much as I was 7 months ago, but the hurt feeling is still there. But it too shall pass...
 
#46 ·
Mamasaurus, thank you so much. I do think we did things backwards, that we should have got a diagnosis first and then went the alternative route. Now we are taking baby steps to that. The OT doesn't think it is a good idea to go for a diagnosis yet because he may be overdiagnosed....I'm going to try the OT first (as soon as I get referral from ped) and then if that doesn't help, we'll go to the psychologist. I'm glad to know I'm not alone though.

I have so many issues with public school that I really don't think I will be going that route, even if it does mean free services. Here in Florida at least, all of the curriculum goes toward standardized testing and it is an education the absolute antithesis of what waldorf stands for. We would probably homeschool instead.
 
#47 ·
Pixiewytch - I hear you on the public school thing. We never would have considered public school. But we are at the point now where we are considering a virtual charter school (public school) so we can get the IEP services, but still do most of the work at home, and then supplement with other homeschool curriculum. I've been looking at some Waldorf or "waldorf-inspired" curriculums.

I really, really, really, really, really understand what you are going through.
 
#48 ·
hi, this thread just caught my eye - my daughter is in a waldorf school as well w/sensory issues - i had an aba come out and observe her at school, and they were able to make suggestions as to how to help her function better in the class. you might be able to get one out to your home and see what kind of strategies they have that can help your child. the ones that i have met are so kind and patient with the children, much like the waldorf teachers.

also, on a completely different note, homeopathy of houston has been a huge help in healing these issues, so we can reduce the amount of interventions.. www.homeopathyhouston.com we do phone consults, it has been so helpful!
 
#49 ·
Hi, this thread just caught my eye. I didn't see the original post for some reason (just the title and some replies), so I may be saying something that has been addressed. I think federal law states that children can receive free IEP services through their local public schools, whether they attend the public schools, private schools, or are home-schooled. So you may have some options about where to send your son and it is the responsibility of the school district's special education team to provide services...

Best of luck with everything.
 
#51 ·
I didn't have time to read this whole thread, but I'm sorry for your situation.

FWIW, we had our son's sensory stuff evaluated by the public school system, then formally diagnosed by a pediatric neurologist. We proceeded with OT (which we did have to pay for out of pocket.)

I didn't do anything remotely "waldorfy" (chiro, homeopath, anthro dr) to treat his sensitivities, but OT did wonders and he is now able to fit in quite well in his Waldorf class (and, ironically, is considered one of the "easier" kids in his class). Oh, and our home life is SO much better.

The time it takes to get a proper diagnosis and go through with treatment seems like forever, but once you begin to address things they start to get so much better.

Good luck to you!
 
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