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*~*'~* October Dating Thread *~*'~* What are we looking for? *~*'~*

12K views 294 replies 36 participants last post by  attachedmomto3 
#1 ·
I want to kick off this month's discussion with a fundamental question: What are you looking for?

As a mother, as a woman, as a person, what are you looking to discover in your dating adventures? What kind of a friend, what kind of a partner, what sort of affection, and what kind of potential step-parent/blended family scenario would you be open to considering if someone great came along and could offer it?

:

As a mother I need a man I admire and respect and whom I could imagine being a role model for my sons. As a friend he needs to help me relieve the stress of life/family life through laughter, discussion, empathy, compassion. As a person I'm thoughtful and generous and love romance. I love doing little things for others. Or big things. If I ever did have a guy in my life plan something special for me and surprise me with something that really showed he was paying attention to all the little things that makes him the person who really *knows* me and all the meaningless trivia that makes me unique..... I think I'd weep hysterically. And marry him.

Cad seems to want to do anything in his power to make me happy. Sensitive Engineer seems to want to party in Israel for two weeks and forget that I exist and not even send me an SMS in a weeks' time (unless I send one first).

Cad is on his way over right now. I'd better shower and get ready for dinner & a movie.
 
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#277 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by DanishMom View Post
Butterfly - I'll call you during the afternoon or tonight. I want to hear your voice on my birthday!
That's great!
I always want to hear your voice!

Seie, there's a part of me that's getting slightly burntout and then... a part of me that is resigned to just keep doing what I like to do, with the friends I have made, and not expect anything, because when I stumble across that right person, I'll know it. And I most of the time have that thought in my mind with a good attitude, but then some of the time, especially after I got my hopes up about a seemingly-promising new guy on the scene but then it fizzles, I do feel just.... disappointed. Natural human emotion. We are such complex creatures. I type so off-the-cuff here, and whatever I'm feeling primarily in *that* moment comes out, so perhaps I'm giving a scattered impression about whether I'm burnt out or not, happy with the results or not, impatient or not, etc....
But it's all good. It's nice to have a hoppin', active thread and girltalk, right?
 
#281 ·
There is no timeframe.

But, when we are healthy and happy and strong and have healed as much as we can heal on our own we stop asking "when will it happen" because we have that inner knowing that it will happen and we are just happy living our life as it is and feeling content about things as they are in that moment.

That's not to say we don't still want someone to come along. Of course, when we are looking to partner, we want to partner. But it doesn't feel like something is missing, it feels more like something amazing will be added.

There is NOTHING wrong with being single or dating a lot of people. But when it starts to feel like we're not hitting the mark and we're feeling discontent about it...then there's something to look at inside because we do attract people who reflect back to us where we are at.
 
#282 ·
I was acquaintance/friends with my partner for two years before we became a couple. Not hang-out often friends, but come over at least once a month, usually to help in the garden; have good, heartfelt conversations. He's a very open person.

Last winter I really needed someone to talk too
I was having a bit of an emotional crisis. Even though we weren't close I knew he was the right person to talk with.

Well as he held me in his arms as I cried all his zazazoom came out. He felt amazing, he smelled amazing, I found myself wanting him... and thinking WTH!? 1) Not good timing with me feeling shitty in my life 2) It's been two years, where did this all out crazy attraction come from!

Well the sparks were also being ignited for him too. We kept making excuses to "talk" with each other. I didn't last two weeks haha, and this is coming from someone who had only been sexually active with the ex. I know some moms here are nervous about only having been with their exes, but when it's right it's right.

So I guess what I'm sharing is that the right guy could already be right in front of your face as a friend, but it's just not the right time. You already have the shared values and interests. You already know their good/bad tendencies to an extent and their past relationships. You're basically comfortable with them and know them at a deeper level from the get-go.

But I would say you definitely need the zazazoom! I had a lovely life alone. I'm not settling!

Oh and I wanted to add that he matched my "list," but now he made me realize new things I want on the list
Of course these new things I have realized is where we butt heads and have our relationship issues.

He literally HAS a list - it's taped onto his bathroom door
It's a feng shui thing. His ex matched his list perfectly. I do not. I'm like 90%. But I bring things he thought we're out of his league - like a baby. He's a lot older than me and he thought that door had closed about a decade ago.
 
#283 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by sugarmoon View Post
Butterfly, that's a deal.

For those of you who don't know, we've agreed that Butterfly should marry my (amazingly good looking, tall, and above KIND, RESPECTFUL, SMART and LOVING) little brother!


Does he know about this plan???
 
#285 ·
indeed he is. He promises me lots of babies.




I'm so bad, hitting on sugarmoon's little brother across thousands of miles.


Kino, thanks for sharing your experiences. I wish that could happen with my good male friend and I but I think it would have already.
 
#287 ·
So this is interesting and entertaining. Just updating ya'll who enjoy my Bridget Jones adventures.

I went out tonight to the only bar/nightclub in town where people go on Thursday nights. I bravely ventured out all alone, which isn't that big of a deal to me, really. I enjoy the boldness. I didn't spot anyone I knew so I just saunted up to two tall germans and made conversation. Cheered them on when they played roulette, etc. They didn't mind me joining them. Then I spotted a girlfriend and bolted away from the germans on business trip in town, and went to my girlfriend and made a new girlfriend with her girlfriend. whew. anyway, we all 3 hung out awhile. Eventually that third girl hooked up with someone and vanished, and me and my pal went cruising around and looked for men. I saw several I liked and one in particular in a striped shirt. So handsome. But I chickened out about approaching him. Later I saw another one and approached him, bravely.
On the way over there, another man reached out and snaked his arm around my waist and tried talking to me. I was clearly not interested and indicated I had somewhere to be (I was just a few steps away from my target at that point!). I got to handsome target man and ask him if he's single, etc, and invite him to talk to me and my friend a few steps away and he agrees but admits that the guy I brushed off was his cousin.
OMG I felt so embarassed. Handsome guy totally saw me blowing off cousin guy.
then again, cousin guy was way too forward and I was well within my rights not to leap at that opportunity. But i could tell from the second he opened his mouth that he's kind of a jerk.
No no no not mystyle. He is also a heavy smoker which I could smell.
Next! So I approached the tall, glasses, nerdy cutie who was standing pathetically alone and he agreed to come to my friend & my station to talk and he smelled minty fresh, was drinking water, obviously not a nicotine/alchohol addict, but then HE was also a jerk. In his own way. Acting like he was doing me a big favor, not offering me any gentlemanly ameneties (can I do this or that for you?) and just in general acting smug and arrogant. Next! So I got rid of him and saw a guy with a smile that made my heart skip a beat. 15 minutes later of drooling over him I notice his wedding ring. Next! So at this point I'm bitchin' to my friend about why men don't approach ME someitmes, and a bit later, striped-shirt guy and his friend make a bee line over to me and my friend and hit on us, strongly. I was thinking, "About time!" Finally a guy I want to be hitting on me IS hitting on me. My friend goes home because it's gettiing late and these two promise to take care of me. We go to the dance floor, hang out, dance, they lift me up into the air and create a princess seat on their shoulders and I just have a really good time with them. One of them is super drunk and I kind of forget about him but the striped shirt guy I do like is not, and we are getting along great. half an hour in I ask him if he has a girlfriend and he asks why I ask and I dont' know what reason I give but he relents and admits he has one, for more than a year. Jeeeez! But he was nice and their whole group (there was another one around who was fun and seemingly kind, these are not jerk guys, despite their jovial-ness and rambunctiousness--at least they are over 30) was nice so I didn't mind that there was no potential there with the hot striped shirt guy. I got his email and promised to invite them to a murder mystery party I'm throwing soon. Maybe his older brother he mentioned is single.


I had fun. My feet hurt from all the dancing. Good times. No big loss. But just funny how many different dead ends I ran into in one night!
 
#288 ·
Butterflymom: Great that you had a good night - in spite of all the dead ends. I wonder what you say to those guys that you approach? I never approached guys in bars - never had the nerve.. I use the "eye-contact-and-look-mysterious" approach
Well not anymore obviously but back in the days
 
#289 ·
Well.. If I have a group of girls with me, I'll go over alone to a guy standing alone and tell him that me and my friends thought he looked lonely and wondered if he'd like to come chat with us, over there. Then I point to my friends. And bring him over and start up a group chat. Or then if it's a pair of guys I night just go over and ask if they are just visiting if they seem foreign, or if they are having fun if they don't seem foreign. But yeah, i'm the rare girl who will approach men. Super confident.
or i fake bein so.
 
#290 ·
OMG what luck I had today.


I was on the train today and a really cute guy sat down next to me. after some time (a long time, I had given up hope he would stop reading his newspaper and talk to me) he asked if I would like to read his newspaper and I told him I couldn't read his language and he asked if I was american and I said I was and he said he had done an exchange semester in Illinois in high school, and we started talking and it was so nice! It was very cute, this whole awkward introductions and nervous smiles and everyone on the restaurant car of the train seemed to be trying not to show that they were eavesdropping.
When I had to get off we exchanged info and sent text message to each other for the following 8 hours.
We plan on seeing each other and as he's giong to the countryside for the weekend with just his dog, he said maybe he would call me up for some conversation (after I had hinted that it would be nice to provide such conversation if he got bored or lonely). And he has mentiond that it was really nice to talk to me on the train and the remainder of his ride was totally boring without me to talk to, and it was really great to meet me and he hopes to see me when he's back from his weekend in the country.


I thought he might be too young but we friended on eanother on facebook and it seems that based on his graduation year from high school , we must be the same age.
He has a birthday in 2 months, I wonder if he'll be turning my age or slightly older. Not that it matters. I think he's into me, ladies. And I'm into him. So far. He's realllly cute. photo from his military service available privately if you want to saunter off mdc and look. NOT super tall!
But tall enough that he's my height or slightly more when I'm wearing shoes with height (which I was, today). And I met him when I was wearing a thick sweater and snow boots (with a wedge chunk platform heel under the entire sole, but they are not fancy, still just fur-lined michael kors seude, knee-high boots) and only lip gloss, no other makeup. He seemed to be into me anyways.
My mom was so right.....



And then I just got a text message from a guy friend who is out at a nightclub right now sitting in the VIP section and he just spotted Spectacled Smarty (from last week/week-before's major brush-off rejection) who is sitting there alone at midnight/1am! hehehehehehe
I'm enjoying this. Friday night and he's sitting at the VIP lounge at the nightclub alone.....
I'm so not minding enjoying that.
Some guys are obviously just crawling the 'hip' places that are cool 'to be seen' in the city (even if they are sitting there alone and being pathetic, actually), and some are out at their family's summer cabin with just their dog and enjoying the nature and meditating.
I'm so into this guy.... he needs a nickname.... hmmmmmm........ How about Shy Lawyer? He seems kinda shy and held back, like it was a big deal to chat me up, and a bigger deal to sit there and keep the conversation going in english with the entire restaurant car obviously eavesdropping to watch the scene play out (nothing better to do).... but he did it anyway.
Yes, he'll be the Shy Lawyer. The shy, gorgeous, young lawyer.
*sigh*
 
#292 ·
Yep - very cute
It's totally awesome that he chatted you up in the train. If this turns into a long term thing it will be a whole lot cooler story of how you met than when people ask how I met my BF (online dating).. Meeting on the train is romantic isn't it.
My BFs sisters boyfriend she met in the supermarket. She saw him there and thought he was cute - and started planning her shopping trips from when she saw him there last hehe. I will keep my fingers crossed for this one
 
#293 ·
Sounds promising Butterfly! Very handsome!

Well...it seems that that my squash partner may just not be that into me...

We had our 3rd date Monday night. He told me to text him when I got home safely (I had driven to meet him) - I did and he sent a nice text back. He emailed me mid-week, saying he'd had a great time, and also to send me some info on books we'd discussed. We had a bit of back & forth on email, with him sending the last email a couple of days ago. I replied back this morning, but that's been it. No further plans
Oh well. But, I have to say, he was a really good first post-divorce date experience.
 
#294 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Rosehip View Post
Sounds promising Butterfly! Very handsome!

Well...it seems that that my squash partner may just not be that into me...

We had our 3rd date Monday night. He told me to text him when I got home safely (I had driven to meet him) - I did and he sent a nice text back. He emailed me mid-week, saying he'd had a great time, and also to send me some info on books we'd discussed. We had a bit of back & forth on email, with him sending the last email a couple of days ago. I replied back this morning, but that's been it. No further plans
Oh well. But, I have to say, he was a really good first post-divorce date experience.
No reason to think it's definitely finito. Just because you're not booking back to back date after date and there's a pause for a few days. Just give it a bit of time perhaps. Then again if you suspect he's not then IME he's prolly not.
Sorry to say.

Interesting development here. I get a phone call from a phone number I don't know, and it's Spectacled Smarty's best friend whom I had met 7 days ago when Spectacled Smarty brought him into my home to my early-Halloween party. He introduces himself as "___ calling from SS's phone" and asks me for my friend's address or phone number because they are having a hard time finding her address for a Halloween party tonight. I say I don't know it and I'm in the middle of my kids' bedtime, thankyouverymuch, and he continues by asking if I can go online and look it up.
and I just tell him I'll text him my friends' number and they can work it out from there.
I'm shocked SS now allows me to see what his precious phone number is. I see he friended another female (very new, casual, friend-of-a) friend of mine and has been busy commenting on her facebook status and keeping up contact with her. So he was lost on a saturday night, realized that he knows these women THROUGH ME, and has my phone number saved on his phone (I'm shocked about that one) and hands the phone to his best friend and says, "You call her" because he can't bear to exchange another word with me in this lifetime? Yet he's happily merging his social circle into mine? No class..... I then texted an hour later and asked if he found my pal alright and wished a happy halloween, ...no response. Not even a thanks, sorry for disturbing you and your kids, nothing.
I really, really feel irritated.
I get it. They are into childless, carefree, local (speaking their mother tongue) single women and me and my situation is a bit too complicated/heavy. But if they wanna enjoy my get togethers and circle of friends, they better start treating me with plenty of class or I will pull rank and send the word out that those two are blacklisted.
And I am NOT enjoying how 'high school' this all sounds. It's so stupid. We're all 28-33 years old here, we can act like aduls, right? apparently not.
: But to be snubbed and mistreated, I just.... don't wanna be a doormat, and I know that if I just explain the details to all my girlfriends they are chumming up to, they will drop contact without me even needing to ask. It just speaks for itself. I don't think I can just turn the other cheek and let people walk all over me like this!

No texts or calls from Shy Lawyer.
 
#295 ·
ok ladies, i'm in need of some help!


i've been lurking here forever and have posted a little bit, but dating never applied to me....until now....so the story is, i've been separated for a little over a year and divorced for 6 months....when ex first left i immediately called an old friend of mine...not sure why, before i new it i was dialing his number. We've been friends for 12 yrs, but lost contact for a few years because ex was jealous of our friendship
well, we talked a few times a week for a year and then 2 weeks ago he came for a visit
(he lives in another state about 12 hrs away)

we had the best 5 days ever!! the kids know him so they were great together, he jumped right in playing with them and never missed a beat! he sent my oldest a birthday gift after he left...before he came to visit he went on an overseas trip and bought me a beautiful necklace!! and emailed me from there to say he was thinking of me.... we had a few wonderful amazing nights together
i have never felt this deep connection with someone before! it's just amazing!! i laughed the entire 5 days he was here, i was so happy! he wants the kids and i to come to visit him in a few months and then he wants to come back up here a few months after that......

when he had to leave, he said he didn't want to go and i should call him in dead to his boss
he called 5 min after landing and said he wants to come back already.and said he had a wonderful time he was on cloud 9 the entire time and it was the best trip he's taken all year, and he's had some amazing trips this year!! the next day he texted and said i miss you already, you're an angel..a lot of wish you were here txts....we talked every day for the first week or so, and now......its been 5 days since we've talked on the phone!!!!!!
we've emailed and txted but no phone calls.

my problem is WTH?? i don't know where his mind is, what he's thinking! when he was here he said things like i've been wanting to kiss you for 12 yrs, i wished i lived around here, all that kind of stuff!

so, now what?? do i put it all out there? do i do nothing and wait for him to say and do it all?? what do i do?? it's so hard i think about him ALL the time! is this just a step for me post divorce or can this really be something? and WHEN will i know??

thanks for reading!!
 
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