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Is there a Bi-polar support thread?

28K views 571 replies 52 participants last post by  Barefoot~Baker 
#1 ·
I don't really know where to go. I have been "trying to fix myself" for years. My cycles are pretty much 6 mo of deep depression and then maybe 3-5 weeks of "up."

I feel sad for my kids.
and myself.

I am not able to get myself help. I am trying, but I always stop at some point just out of inability to function cognitively.

I have asked dh to "do it for me." but he doesnt. He may be depressed too.

I dont know how to do this. Its not like "Just call the doctor and get some pills." I am low income so I have to jump through a million hoops and I dont have the energy.

Anyone else understand?
 
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#478 ·
ooooh, I am paranoid! Gah, little things are making me jump, and I am nervous (also goes hand in hand with the anxiety). This just sucks
I can't get in to a p-doc until the end of the month. I had to switch, as we are on state health care and there are no clinics that deal with mental health around here. I hate hate hate feeling like this. I haven't been so paranoid since right after DS was born.
 
#479 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by yogachick79 View Post
ooooh, I am paranoid! Gah, little things are making me jump, and I am nervous (also goes hand in hand with the anxiety). This just sucks
I can't get in to a p-doc until the end of the month. I had to switch, as we are on state health care and there are no clinics that deal with mental health around here. I hate hate hate feeling like this. I haven't been so paranoid since right after DS was born.
How are you feeling today? Is there anything you can take herb wise? Maybe Kava? I know my aunt swears by it.
 
#480 ·
Hey everyone. It seems like whenever I am upset about a problem in my marriage that it's blamed on me being bipolar. For example, my dh is an alcoholic, if you've seen my other threads, you know the hell we've been through. I know part of this has to do with his addiction, but I'm tired of my feelings being invalid.

Does anyone have this problem with SO's and have any advice? Any kind of support available for spouses of bipolar ppl?
 
#481 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Mrs. Turner View Post
Hey everyone. It seems like whenever I am upset about a problem in my marriage that it's blamed on me being bipolar. For example, my dh is an alcoholic, if you've seen my other threads, you know the hell we've been through. I know part of this has to do with his addiction, but I'm tired of my feelings being invalid.

Does anyone have this problem with SO's and have any advice? Any kind of support available for spouses of bipolar ppl?
I'm not in that situation nor do I have any experience beyond being the child of an alcoholic so I should probably shut up but perhaps you'd like the thoughts of someone not emotionally involved and as an objective 3rd party? Honestly? As scary as it sounds you might want to seriously consider divorce or at least a separation until your DH gets sober. He may not believe his drinking is an issue but until he really gets it driven home that no amount of drinking is OK for your family from your POV (assuming you subscribe to the belief that an alcoholic can't handle any alcohol once on the wagon) and he's going to have to accept that even if its some "crazy BP thing" in his mind. Everyone it seems acquiesces to some wish/demand of there partner that may seem ridiculous to the person giving it up but its important to their partner so we do it (assuming its not violating a moral code or something, hoping your getting what I'm trying to say here.).

I hope you find peace or a workable solution to this issue
 
#482 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Mrs. Turner View Post
Hey everyone. It seems like whenever I am upset about a problem in my marriage that it's blamed on me being bipolar. For example, my dh is an alcoholic, if you've seen my other threads, you know the hell we've been through. I know part of this has to do with his addiction, but I'm tired of my feelings being invalid.

Does anyone have this problem with SO's and have any advice? Any kind of support available for spouses of bipolar ppl?
I know there are support groups for spouses, but DH has never been to one. I've experienced the same thing, though on a small scale. When I'm upset, it's because I must be depressed that day, not because DH did something to make me upset.

This has gotten better over time, but I think it becomes automatic to assume any emotional issue = bipolar. With my DH, I started reversing it. He has juvenile diabetes, and high blood sugar makes him irritable. So, I'll say "tested your blood sugar?" when he's complaining. It took a while, but he finally got that I feel the same when he assumes an idea I have is just a manic phase or that I'm mad because I'm depressed.
 
#483 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Mrs. Turner View Post
Hey everyone. It seems like whenever I am upset about a problem in my marriage that it's blamed on me being bipolar. For example, my dh is an alcoholic, if you've seen my other threads, you know the hell we've been through. I know part of this has to do with his addiction, but I'm tired of my feelings being invalid.

Does anyone have this problem with SO's and have any advice? Any kind of support available for spouses of bipolar ppl?
I have experience with this. All unhappiness or any problems I try to address (for the sake of healing and closeness- not to pick fights) is generally blamed on me being mentally ill.

I'm very stable tyvm, and it hurts to know that if I bring up a topic that is really bothering me I will get the "Are you getting sick?" "You've been acting weird!"

It's always, it's not me it's you- you're the one that's sick, there's nothing wrong with me.

My spouse also struggles with alcohol off and on and numbing himself with work and it's hard to get anywhere when there's only one person who's mentally there so to speak.

I don't have any advice or resources, I just know how it feels and it stinks.
 
#484 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Satori View Post
How are you feeling today? Is there anything you can take herb wise? Maybe Kava? I know my aunt swears by it.

Thank you. I will have to look in to the Kava. I'm not nursing or pregnant, so as long as something doesn't interfere with my medications (Armour, Lamictal and an antifungal for the next 2 months) I'm totally game to try. I'm doing a bit better, but still having trouble sleeping. My HFS did order the moon drops for me, should be in by the end of this coming week. I think part of paranoia is simply coming from being completely exhausted and not sleeping.

I am at my 150mg dose now, but know that it can take several weeks to fully acclimate in my system (if I remember correctly from before).
 
#485 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by yogachick79 View Post
I think part of paranoia is simply coming from being completely exhausted and not sleeping.


When I wasn't sleeping, it progressed to the point of seeing and hearing things. I became so attuned to any movements or sounds that it was making me a wreck. I think sleep is one of the major triggers for most BP people.
 
#486 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by yogachick79 View Post
Thank you. I will have to look in to the Kava. I'm not nursing or pregnant, so as long as something doesn't interfere with my medications (Armour, Lamictal and an antifungal for the next 2 months) I'm totally game to try. I'm doing a bit better, but still having trouble sleeping. My HFS did order the moon drops for me, should be in by the end of this coming week. I think part of paranoia is simply coming from being completely exhausted and not sleeping.

I am at my 150mg dose now, but know that it can take several weeks to fully acclimate in my system (if I remember correctly from before).
Hopefully it works for you, for my dd we have to combine the melatonin and moondrops when she's bouncing off the walls with manic type energy, either one alone won't cut it. What are you on that's on 150mg? Lamictal?

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrandiRhoades View Post


When I wasn't sleeping, it progressed to the point of seeing and hearing things. I became so attuned to any movements or sounds that it was making me a wreck. I think sleep is one of the major triggers for most BP people.
Totally, you start running on adrenalin and go into flight or fight mode and every thing gets magnified.
 
#487 ·
So I have been going round and round with my husband about his mood. Several weeks ago I had a talk with him that he seems flat to down. So he went to the Psych Doc and she says she wants him flat. Flat is good.


Well I disagree, but I am not a Doc...

There is no spark in my husbands eyes. He is not motivated at all, seems down, no feeling or emotions. When I first met him and married him, he was a very positive person. Now he is not.


To be honest I need him motivated! We have decided to move back to Colorado. How long that will take I do not know. But we need a plan! We need to know how we are going to get there.

He did get a part time job. In fact he started this morning. I know he is terribly upset about making very little money after making $80K a year not so long ago.


So my question is, will my husband always be emotionless? Flat?
Is this normal?

The other thing is, he says he is tired. He will get up and say "I didn't sleep well last nigh." Well I swear I didn't feel him move at all. Could he be sleeping but not going into a REM sleep? Therefore, not getting the rest his body needs?
 
#488 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by KatWrangler View Post
So I have been going round and round with my husband about his mood. Several weeks ago I had a talk with him that he seems flat to down. So he went to the Psych Doc and she says she wants him flat. Flat is good.

Flat is preferable to manic for most people. I've had many pdocs say flat is good. I don't personally subscribe to that idea - I hate feeling that way - but I do understand it for people who are dangerous to themselves when manic. I've also been through such deep, dark depressions that I welcomed flat. I just don't think it's a long-term goal for one's emotional state.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KatWrangler View Post
He did get a part time job. In fact he started this morning. I know he is terribly upset about making very little money after making $80K a year not so long ago.

This is a humiliating experience. I went from a very type-A, high-achiever to someone who struggles with daily chores. I'm also working right now well below my ability and educational level. I have to do it right now because a) it's all I can manage and b) we have debt from my manic periods that's suffocating us. Still, I'm embarrassed to tell people what I do.

Definitely give him some time to deal with this change. It requires a lot of soul-searching and self-acceptance. I'd also wait on making a plan to move or get the basic plan down yourself. I know for you it probably seems like ages, but it takes a while to get your bearings once the fog is gone. I'd say the part-time job is an awesome step, and once he's settled in there, maybe begin to talk about a concrete plan to move.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KatWrangler View Post
The other thing is, he says he is tired. He will get up and say "I didn't sleep well last nigh." Well I swear I didn't feel him move at all. Could he be sleeping but not going into a REM sleep? Therefore, not getting the rest his body needs?
I would think he's possibly still depressed or that his meds aren't quite right. I've been through periods like that, and it's frustrating because it makes you tired all the time. I really strongly recommend meditation (there are free guided meditations online you can start with) if he's at all open to it. They've helped my sleep tremendously.
 
#489 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by KatWrangler View Post
The other thing is, he says he is tired. He will get up and say "I didn't sleep well last nigh." Well I swear I didn't feel him move at all. Could he be sleeping but not going into a REM sleep? Therefore, not getting the rest his body needs?
Does he really think he didn't sleep well, or is he just assuming he didn't because he's still tired? Because some of the meds I've tried have make me CRAZY tired. Like, sleep 10 hrs at night and still need a 2 hr nap every afternoon. And I mean NEED, not like "i'm a little tired, it would be nice", I mean, I'll fall asleep standing up if I don't. Regardless of what it is, definitely have him bring it up to the pdoc because it sounds like his meds need adjusting or something.
 
#490 ·
He went to his therapy session yesterday. The therapist said for him to call his Psych Doc. But he said the Psych Doc probably won't change anything.


He also said its concerning that my husband is not rested. That is a sign of depression or because of the meds. Sigh...
 
#491 ·
Just checking in. Things are okay. I am sleeping decently but wake VERY tired (still not taking anything for it) and the anxiety has lessened a bit as a result of the rest. I have to make sure that I'm not up past 11 because then the noises and paranoia start.

Satori, yes it's 150mg of Lamotrigine, and while that was the dose that had me stable years ago, I think it will probably recommended that I increase.

I do disagree on the flat being best (personally and by my prev p-doc). I find flat to be the worst for me, even more so than depression. Flat is when life doesn't matter, flat is when I feel nothing, not alive. That is when I am at my worst. Manic can be scary, especially true mania and not just hypomania. Depression is so hard, and also tends to be a dangerous place for me, but I've always been able to talk myself out of self harm in depression, not matter how hard. But when I am flat, well, that is when I got in to trouble. So just saying, not all p-docs would agree with that as my old doc (still looking for a new one) reinforced with me that flat was NOT a good place to be.
 
#494 ·
I'm a rapid cycler as well and was unmedicated for a long time while pregnant and BFing our two youngest children. Honestly, I much prefer to be medicated as strange as that may sound. I am not a very happy or stable person because of the fast mood shifts and it was far too stressful and confusing for my family. How do YOU feel being unmedicated? That is what is most important.
 
#495 ·
Well I am currently nursing my youngest and do not want to be on any meds while nursing. Though through each cycle recently I am feeling worse and worse. The weight of the world is literally too heavy for me. I feel as though know matter how hard I try I can never ever accomplish anything and I feel like everyone is better then me and I am just some freak wandering this planet.

As I am typing I am holding back the tears and the pain and I just feel so overwhelmed with everything. I am feeling so depressed right now I do not even know what to type. How can one express the deep sadness one feels so that another can understand?

How can I homeschool? How can I teach my youngest to read? How can I make my time effective for my 2 year old? I feel like I am failing them and someday they are all going to hate me.

I just do not know what to do right now
My housework is piling up. Laundry needs to be done etc. etc.

 
#496 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Peacemamalove View Post
Well I am currently nursing my youngest and do not want to be on any meds while nursing. Though through each cycle recently I am feeling worse and worse. The weight of the world is literally too heavy for me. I feel as though know matter how hard I try I can never ever accomplish anything and I feel like everyone is better then me and I am just some freak wandering this planet.

As I am typing I am holding back the tears and the pain and I just feel so overwhelmed with everything. I am feeling so depressed right now I do not even know what to type. How can one express the deep sadness one feels so that another can understand?

How can I homeschool? How can I teach my youngest to read? How can I make my time effective for my 2 year old? I feel like I am failing them and someday they are all going to hate me.

I just do not know what to do right now
My housework is piling up. Laundry needs to be done etc. etc.



Lamictal is the preferred BF'ing BP med and is fine, the only real concern is if there preemies or something. Please mama, get some meds, don't be the martyr mommy, all its going to do is push you deeper and deeper into depression and you can't be the mama your children need in this state. I've BTDT soooo many times! I fought meds for a long time and it wasn't until I was very near suicidal and had an ugly melt down that I accepted meds. Now I'm on the Lamictal and life is sooo much better, I'm also addressing the nutritional issues which have also made things even better but I would start with the meds and get better then worry about everything else.

Please mama, don't suffer when you don't need to


 
#498 ·
Yes!!! I wish I had had known more about this when I was there. Later on it turned out I was allergic to Lamictal anyway, this was after I was done nursing though.

I weaned because I was so tired of doing my own homework after being inpatient etc. and frightened by the PDA info on the drugs offered. I just did what this 'naturally minded' doc told me to. He said I couldn't nurse on the hormones he had me take (dhea) it didn't end up helping and I lost my nursing relationship -

I made homemade formula though which turned out to be highly successful nourishment/health wise. My son has a killer immune system compared to his sister! He never got exposed to abx though.
I just wanted to throw that out there for any mamas who are faced with that decision. I bought a 1/10 of a cow to gain access to raw milk, cultured it with Piima, and the formula had about 15 ingredients, it was quite an undertaking but it felt good knowing I was feeding him quality instead of crap in can. Once I got the hang of it, I could make a week's worth in an hour, have it all jarred up and I froze a bunch of it. Once he was about 3-4 months old, he didn't care if it was heated up or not.
 
#499 ·
I am allergic to lamictal as well. I do not want to end my nursing relationship. When my other DD was 2 I ended our nursing relationship to get on meds and it made me so depressed even more.

I feel like I am at a wall. Turn one way and there is the numbing meds and the other way is the dark unforeseen forest and I feel like there is no other options.
 
#500 ·
These are some band-aid options:

I'd try adding zinc and magnesium to your diet, both help with ruminating symptoms. Folate helps with anxiety/depression.

Also consider some Bach flower remedies. White Chestnut is for "when thoughts go round and round in your head". Aspen for vague fears and a sense of peace. Honeysuckle for homesickness, nostalgia.

Check these Bach Flower remedy finder links to help you select which ones most speak to you/her. There are specific ones for social anxiety, fears, ruminating thoughts, paranoia, grief, self-doubt, overwhelm, etc.
http://www.ainsworths.com/remedy/default.aspx

http://www.bachcentre.com/centre/remedies.htm

http://www.bachflower.com/38_Essences.htm

I get them from Vitacost.com most inexpensively. Like $9 each, vs. locally $16.

Also, classical homeopathy can help with emotional lability, depression or anxiety also.

Pat
 
#501 ·
Thanks Pat I will look into those I wish money wasn't so tight right now


I am seeing a Naturopath and all he could suggest was taking one dose of Sepia ! I wish there was someone else in my area
 
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