Okay, you know what?
I have had a LOT of good ideas here, especially playful parenting strategies. I'm super grateful for that. I guess it was not obvious to some people because their own ideas got shot down, and all I can say is, if it sounds like nothing works for us after all these suggestions, you are missing a lot.
I also vented a lot because this is the ONLY place I was speaking to adults at night and decompressing here. So the hyperbole and frustration is not representative of my entire outlook on life. It is certainly not evidence of how I'm speaking to my child. I also posted that I had a very early miscarriage (so early I never would have known if not for the fact that I'm taking p. tests monthly) and there was a lot of moodiness. Those two together, along with the fact that I don't mince words, appears to have convinced some that I need therapy. To which I can say... I see a number of people who work with our community daily, including a counselor, and if they suggest something, I will go.
I am amazed that people think that asking for specific help means asking for people to tell you you're mentally ill or that your child has a developmental disorder. I think the fallacy is, "My child didn't do that, so you must be doing something majorly wrong." Which is not true. My child can't run the track five times, but that doesn't mean that the parents of the child who can are keeping theirs locked up the rest of the day.
Certainly, we do not have a perfect life which is why I posted. Yes, we have problems--sleep without rewards, a hitting phase (hitting is physical violence, and must not be encouraged, regardless of whether you address the root cause), and she is three. And no, those problems will not go away overnight.
BUT! I am going to stop coming here because the daily insinuations that because what worked for you is not working for us means we are mentally ill is really hard for me to take. It makes me less confident as a parent ("What if I really am that screwed up?"), it makes me more irritated ("They don't even know me and they're suggesting I have a mental illness? WTF!"), and it makes me lonely ("People do not understand what I am talking about.").
So, again, thanks to those of you who get it. Who get that life is not perfect, that sometimes we need help but we don't need suggestions that we're beyond screwed up and that drugs are the answer. Who can accept that I was trying GD as in no consequences, but that it was really hard for us given our life, and who let it go. Who have stated that it's okay not to do the hard-core GD but that's still gentle. Who have empathized instead of judged.
I really, really needed it and I will update... in another thread. Things are going massively better thanks to the playful suggestions and I'm going to try more planned rewards for sleep, rewards I can live with, and we'll see how that goes, combined with ignoring hitting and then other playful stuff, and we'll see.
(Incidentally... I read the spirited kids thread... that's not my kid. So... not sure I'm going to get RYSC from the library, though it sounds like playful parenting is a must.)
I have had a LOT of good ideas here, especially playful parenting strategies. I'm super grateful for that. I guess it was not obvious to some people because their own ideas got shot down, and all I can say is, if it sounds like nothing works for us after all these suggestions, you are missing a lot.
I also vented a lot because this is the ONLY place I was speaking to adults at night and decompressing here. So the hyperbole and frustration is not representative of my entire outlook on life. It is certainly not evidence of how I'm speaking to my child. I also posted that I had a very early miscarriage (so early I never would have known if not for the fact that I'm taking p. tests monthly) and there was a lot of moodiness. Those two together, along with the fact that I don't mince words, appears to have convinced some that I need therapy. To which I can say... I see a number of people who work with our community daily, including a counselor, and if they suggest something, I will go.
I am amazed that people think that asking for specific help means asking for people to tell you you're mentally ill or that your child has a developmental disorder. I think the fallacy is, "My child didn't do that, so you must be doing something majorly wrong." Which is not true. My child can't run the track five times, but that doesn't mean that the parents of the child who can are keeping theirs locked up the rest of the day.
Certainly, we do not have a perfect life which is why I posted. Yes, we have problems--sleep without rewards, a hitting phase (hitting is physical violence, and must not be encouraged, regardless of whether you address the root cause), and she is three. And no, those problems will not go away overnight.
BUT! I am going to stop coming here because the daily insinuations that because what worked for you is not working for us means we are mentally ill is really hard for me to take. It makes me less confident as a parent ("What if I really am that screwed up?"), it makes me more irritated ("They don't even know me and they're suggesting I have a mental illness? WTF!"), and it makes me lonely ("People do not understand what I am talking about.").
So, again, thanks to those of you who get it. Who get that life is not perfect, that sometimes we need help but we don't need suggestions that we're beyond screwed up and that drugs are the answer. Who can accept that I was trying GD as in no consequences, but that it was really hard for us given our life, and who let it go. Who have stated that it's okay not to do the hard-core GD but that's still gentle. Who have empathized instead of judged.
I really, really needed it and I will update... in another thread. Things are going massively better thanks to the playful suggestions and I'm going to try more planned rewards for sleep, rewards I can live with, and we'll see how that goes, combined with ignoring hitting and then other playful stuff, and we'll see.
(Incidentally... I read the spirited kids thread... that's not my kid. So... not sure I'm going to get RYSC from the library, though it sounds like playful parenting is a must.)