So, I have a hyphenated given name that I love. I didn't change my name when we got married because I am a professional and name recognition is important in my field. Dh and I talked a lot about future babies' names and have flitted all over the place with ideas:
-we'll make up our own family name (Dh isn't fond of this idea
-I'll just suck it up and change my name
-Dh will change his name (He is not willing)
-Boy children will have the first part of my last name (otherwise it will go away) and girl children will have DH's last name
-Children will all have DH's last name
-Children will each have their own last name ie first part of my last name, DH last name, Dh's maternal father's last name, etc
-Giving children their first name, middles names, my last name, dh's last name
DH was concerned at first if the kids have different last names then people won't think they were "his". I countered that with, well, if we default to your name people might not think they were mine. He has since eased on this point. I just feel so stuck. I never imagined that what last name my child had would matter to me as much as it does. It probably doesn't help that Dh's family hasn't ever been very nice to me and in fact was very unkind to me for the first year we were married. I don't expect them to embrace our kids (it would be *wonderful* if they did but I'm not expecting it) so giving my children their name just seems wrong.
Anyway. If I didn't already have a hyphenated last name I probably would have just done that. Our current solution is giving the kids first name, middles names, my last name, dh's last name which makes for a very long name but seems the most equitable although I'm sure on the birth certificate the "last name" will be Dh's.
Why does this bother me? How do we move on? What would you do in a similar situation?
Thanks!
Jenne
-we'll make up our own family name (Dh isn't fond of this idea
-I'll just suck it up and change my name
-Dh will change his name (He is not willing)
-Boy children will have the first part of my last name (otherwise it will go away) and girl children will have DH's last name
-Children will all have DH's last name
-Children will each have their own last name ie first part of my last name, DH last name, Dh's maternal father's last name, etc
-Giving children their first name, middles names, my last name, dh's last name
DH was concerned at first if the kids have different last names then people won't think they were "his". I countered that with, well, if we default to your name people might not think they were mine. He has since eased on this point. I just feel so stuck. I never imagined that what last name my child had would matter to me as much as it does. It probably doesn't help that Dh's family hasn't ever been very nice to me and in fact was very unkind to me for the first year we were married. I don't expect them to embrace our kids (it would be *wonderful* if they did but I'm not expecting it) so giving my children their name just seems wrong.
Anyway. If I didn't already have a hyphenated last name I probably would have just done that. Our current solution is giving the kids first name, middles names, my last name, dh's last name which makes for a very long name but seems the most equitable although I'm sure on the birth certificate the "last name" will be Dh's.
Why does this bother me? How do we move on? What would you do in a similar situation?
Thanks!
Jenne