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What do you wish you would have known beforehand?

114K views 356 replies 270 participants last post by  sidrajedi 
#1 ·
This will be our first HB after 1 hospital birth. I feel like I am starting all over with this pregnancy and am starting to gear up for labor now. Is there anything about HB specifically that you wish you would have known beforehand? Logistically or otherwise? Anything that you wish you could have prepared first? Or wish you'd had on hand?

I know these are broad vague questions but maybe I'll edit if I can pin point what it is I'm getting at better.

I guess with my first hospital birth I wish someone would have told me to BRING my nursing pillow with me and to get some freaking lanolin! I was SO much more comfortable after I discovered those things at home. And my friend who just had a great HB with her 3rd told me she'd never give birth without a tub again so I rented an aquadoula
Are there any invaluable little things you had or did to your house to help? Anything you wouldn't be without?

TIA!
 
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#27 ·
Have an Enema handy (my little piece of heaven and c-section preventer
)- my midwife asked her coleague to bring one after I requested one since hers was expired.

Bowel Buddies (Bran wafers) were truly my best buddies, better than stool softeners for me

I'll definitely get a tub next time around.
 
#29 ·
If you are expecting "Unwanted Visitors" that the local police department is your friend (considering if Homebirth is legal in your area) Call em up when you're lucid, and say "umm I'm in the throes of labour, I'm having a planned homebirth and for some reason people I told to not come by, are coming by anyway and I really would like assistance in keeping them away" The cops will show up and stand sentry.
 
#30 ·
I wish I would have known how different my natural contractions would feel compared to the pitocin induced ones during my first birth. Then maybe I would have realized how far into it I was and set up the camera! We got no pictures of the 7 hour home labor/birth!

I wish someone would have told me that delivering the placenta wasn't always painless. Mine was very painful, the contractions were INTENSE and I freaked out transition-like.

WHen your baby is coming right through your pelvis it is quite possible that you will lose sound of the heartbeat. Yes push that baby out but don't let anyone, even your midwife, make you stress about it being an emergency situation. After not finding the heartbeat my mw said ominously "Gotta get that baby outta there!" and I thought she meant immediately. Here I was, desperately trying to push even though I wasn't having a contraction, which is a waste of energy. SHe finally asked me if I was having a contraction and I said no, and she said "only push with the contraction."

I also wish I had talked to the baby less when she first came out. I was anxious to hear the first healthy cry/gurgle, and was worried when she didn't make a noise, so I kept saying come on, take a breath, it's ok. But she was fine. Some of 'em don't cry, especially waterbirths. I was too worried.

I think the reason I tore was because I didn't spead my legs apart far enough.
 
#31 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by jlpolzin
I wish I would have made it perfectly clear to my husband where the birthing supplies were and how they were to be used. Our birth ended up being unassisted, so it would have been helpful for him to know what a receiving blanket was used for and where to find it!
definatly, I only had a few hours after my husband got home (its amazing what sex will do for labour) before I went into labour so we never got to this and I remember trying to tell my midwife "its over theeeerrreee" and my poor husband knew less then she did about where anything was.

also something soft to kneel on. like one of those gardening pads or something. I was in my shower for a while and my knees hurt and it made my legs very difficult to use after a bit.
 
#33 ·
I wish I had known:

-that VBAC contractions can feel extra-specially painful because of scar tissue and adhesions (only learned this after the birth). They felt like jagged glass being dragged from my incision site to my cervix.

-how much privacy I would want. Even in my own apartment, with a birth team completely of my choosing, I felt OBSERVED. When I spent hours alone in the bathroom, I felt vaguely guilty. The amount I wanted to be alone was a total surprise to me.

Oh, I also wish I'd picked out some real get-up-and-get-rocking music. I remember my husband putting on Joni MItchell "Blue" while I was pushing and it was exactly the WRONG thing.
 
#34 ·
I wish I didn't have so many people at my birth. I felt like there were camera flashes everywhere at the most uncomfortable times.

I wish I knew that my house was going to be a disaster afterward.

I wish someone told me more about what was going on while I was in labor. I had the whole routine memorized but during labor it was hard to concentrate on the passing of time or what stage I might be in. I felt like I needed more feedback.


There were some challanges but having a homebirth is really incredible.

Tori
 
#35 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by tori4man
I wish I didn't have so many people at my birth. I felt like there were camera flashes everywhere at the most uncomfortable times.

I wish I knew that my house was going to be a disaster afterward.

I wish someone told me more about what was going on while I was in labor. I had the whole routine memorized but during labor it was hard to concentrate on the passing of time or what stage I might be in. I felt like I needed more feedback.


There were some challanges but having a homebirth is really incredible.

Tori
Tori did you have a doula? I just attended a homebirth and me and the doula helped to clean up the house, remove stains from the carpet, do a couple of loads of laundry, start a load of dishes, and even set up the changing table next to the bed with little diapers, wipes and clothing changes so mama didn't need to get out of bed that often.
 
#36 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by rere
Oh, and some of the best advice that i took was to not look at the clock.

BINGO!.. Do NOT look at any clocks. In fact tell you MW you want them turned off or turned away from you asap. I found they only hindered me b/c I started getting frustrated at how long it was taking (DD birth)
 
#38 ·
I wish i had known that I would want privacy. Everytime I was watched or with my family or dd my labor would slow down. Being alone with just dh and I sped up the labor.

I didnt know this and my midwives are AWESOME so im sharing these tips I didnt know with my other hossy birth:

Olive oil for meconium, works SOOO much better then the petroleum.
Comfrey tea, go buy some comfrey leaves and brew your own tea. There are a few things you can do with it after the birth. 1. Drink the tea asap after you give birth. Its the best thing i've ever tasted in my life and just replenshes you. 2. Drink it when ever you are latching dc on to nurse and also when ever you get the after pains. The tea somehow soothes those nasty afterpains. 3. Put it in the peri bottle at room temp.and spray after every bathroom visit for the first few days. 4. Put it on maxi pads then freeze, ohh heaven lol!

And I wish I had known that pitocen induced contractions are so different then natural ones ( i would have believed i was in labor). And lastly I wish I had known that I wasnt the only one who felt like I couldnt do it or get past the pain of transistion! And that just because I felt that way doesnt mean I failed! Good luck momma, you'll do wonderful!
 
#40 ·
I wish I would've know with my first:

-the shower progressed my labor very quickly.

-have some positive thoughts written out and posted on your fridge: like "my body with open like a flower as my baby slips out".
very helpful!

-have someone designated to take pictures. You'll be glad to look at it afterwards, even if you don't show anyone the crotch shots!

-cover your bed with fresh sheets on the bottom, a plastic tarp over the fresh sheets, with old sheets on top of the plastic. Very easy clean up.

-take off your bed skirt. I forgot to and it got bloody.

-Using Goldenseal powder only - on the baby's umbilical stump- it fell off in 3 days. Not like the 2 weeks it took with alcohol on dd1

-please have someone to come help your older children after the birth- even if you have to hire someone like a pp doula. Your dh will be tired too.

-pack a hospital bag for your homebirth in an emergency- and don't forget to pack socks and shoes (which I had none to go home in after transporting)

- also pack things for the baby in your hospital bag - I gave birth at home, but had to transport with the baby and I had nothing packed in my emergency bag for her- no diapers, wipes, extra clothes or anything and the stoopid hospital had nothing because they wouldn't put me in the OB ward with the other moms/babies because the baby wasn't a 'patient' since she was a homebirth, so they put me in a general room. They didn't even have pp pads for me until my mw raised hell with them.
 
#41 ·
Seems like everyone has the basics covered.
1. freeze meals
2. water tub
3. birthing stool

BE PREPARED for a quick delivery. My 1st was 6 hours (6 lbs). My 2nd was 12 1/2 hours (6 lbs 15oz). My 3rd was 35 minutes (9lbs 10oz). My 4th was 21 minutes (8lbs 13oz)!

BE PREPARED for a harder delivery. My 2nd child was very diffucult to delivery, I was prepared for a fairly easy, less painful delivery, and it was very very painful (turned wrong, elbow by head, fist tucked under chin). I had to dialate to accomodate a head that was not molded, and the baby was turned wrong.

BE PREPARED for an unassisted delivery, as this was the case with my 3rd child. Our midwife left as soon as we called but missed the birth by 1 1/2 hours. My husband and I did it alone while our 3 year old and 16 month old ran in and out of the bathroom. They seemed fine with it - without anyone there to care for them.

Having premade meals frozen and on hand is very helpful.

I gave birth to my first 2 on a birthing stool, and my last 2 in the water.

My last child I delivered in tub on my hands and knees, It was a little more painful than being able to squat and double over.

I enjoyed squatting in the bathtub full of water the best. (I recommend not getting into the tub until the contractions are started to feel overwhelming - you feel the effect of the tub the best at that time - about 7-8 centimeters - you'll know when your at that point!

MY BIGGEST PIECE OF ADVICE THAT I WISH I HAD KNOWN AHEAD OF TIME IS: DO NOT be induced if at all possible. I had to be induced with my 1st because of preeclampsia, and with my 2nd - I wasn't feeling well and my midwife stopped to check on me and went ahead and broke my water - the delivery was long and very painful. It is so much easier if you can go on your own, I absolutely will NEVER let anyone break my water again, or induce me- NEVER! (As you can tell my last two deliveries that were not induced were very quick compared to my first two that were induced!)

It's all about your personal preference!

Good Luck and be mentally prepared for anything - as anything is possible!
 
#43 ·
I 2nd the suggestions to have pads in the freezer that had comfrey tea on them. They are so nice for a sore postpartum perineum.

Goldenseal powder is awesome for umbilical cords. I used alcohol with #1 (took 2 weeks). I didn't use anything with #2 and it really stank! The powder makes it heal quickly and covers the smell!

One more suggestion: have a labor project to do. I LIKE having some housework to do to get my mind off of the contractions. I got this idea from my midwife who attends Amish women. They just keep doing stuff until they need to concentrate too hard to do any work. Keep it something easy that doesn't require much concentration and something that doesn't matter if it doesn't get done.

Laurel
 
#45 ·
The things that stand out to me from my two HB:

1. Having orange juice and water ready for after I delivered. Also having some yummy thick soup for eating afterward! I always labored all night so food the next day was a must or I would just start feeling faint. Starting a pot of soup or cream of chicken, some comfort food basically, is a great early labor chore. But in case you have a short labor, having something easy to heat up is a good idea too.

2. I had a friend at both births whose only job was to play the hostess. She is my best friend and felt completely comfortable getting into my cupboards and closets. She answered the door, answered the phone, got people refreshments (which I would have felt the need to do if she didn't
), and she took pictures. After my last birth she stayed and helped me up to the shower. She helped me clean up and even washed my hair for me. I will never forget her servant heart and true doula spirit!

3. Had dedicated childcare people there that did not mind if they missed the birth b/c the kids wanted to leave (which they didn't). They helped the kids help me, which was very meaningful to them and me.

4. I second (or third or fourth?
) the tub! And the visitor's policy. And having someone come to watch your kids after the birth b/c you and your support team are tired! And letting dh know all about what to do if it turns out UC (yea, had that too!)


5. The super big maxi pads....already crushed ice (even if you have to buy it) for after...and I think that is it.

Relax, know that your body and has done it. It can be the hardes thing in the world to let go and make it your only job not to FIGHT your body, but let it do the work!
 
#46 ·
Oh, and also regarding childcare- it was a GREAT idea that my in-laws parked their vacation trailer in my driveway for the whole family to stay in during my labor and birth (I was one of those that didn't want anyone but my husband, mw and doula to see me laboring/birthing) and when the baby was born they came in the house to meet the new baby. And my 2 y.o. had a place to sleep while I labored and I made all the noise I wanted.
It was also a godsend to have my mil stay out in the trailer for 2 weeks and come in during the day to help me with dd1.
 
#47 ·
Bump! Great thread!

My water broke at 37 weeks (three days after Christmas), and my house was dirty! My first baby came at 42 weeks, so I was really planning on having more time!

So know that subsequent births can come earlier that previous births, and be ready!

This time I'm hiring house cleaners to come the day before I turn 37 weeks (the first day I am "eligible" for my hb).

~Tracy
 
#49 ·
When I was expecting the second time, I told my husband,

Quote:
"If I whisper something- just one time, your job is to enforce what I ask. Please protect my space during labor"
and I told him

Quote:
"You are my protector and defender. I am counting on you."
An example,
"Please don't talk / laugh while I am having a contraction/"
:
"Please don't touch me."
:
Etc.

Saying ANYTHING during labor took such an amazing amount of energy away from labor.... so I told him to treat anything I asked as is it where the most important thing. ( because it is!)
 
#50 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by yaboobarb View Post
When I was expecting the second time, I told my husband,

and I told him

An example,
"Please don't talk / laugh while I am having a contraction/"
:
"Please don't touch me."
:
Etc.

Saying ANYTHING during labor took such an amazing amount of energy away from labor.... si I told him to trats anything I asked as is it where the most important thing. ( because it is!)
I think that what you said is VERY VERY important. Its quite different to birth at home than in the hospital. In the hospital it is basicly understood that you are giving up your privacy and a great deal of your autonomy. At home though you are in control. A lot of women find that they really want privacy when they are at home. Its very important for partners to listen up and protect the mother.

My 1st hb(baby#2) happened really fast and I labored alone. Midwife showed up just as I started pushing, so privacy wasn't an issue.

With my 2nd HB I had voiced my desire to my midwife that I wanted to labor and deliver alone with dh and that she was to be there IF I needed her. Well, I was in transition when she showed up and I was on the toilet. She checked FHTs and then hung out in there with me. Dh and I BOTH wish that he would have spoke up and ushered her out. He knew what I wanted, but at the time I could not voice my desires. It was such a small thing, but it bothered us both.

With my 3rd HB my dh was on the ball. He knew how to protect my space and didn't want to let that happen again. He even knew that the sound of my MIL and mom in the next room chatting was bothering me and went to suggest that they take the kids out for a walk.

So, I would agree. Make sure your partner knows what you want before hand, and let him know that he is there to protect your space and enforce what you say.
 
#51 ·
Some GREAT replies on this thread!!!

One thing that hasn't been mentioned is to have a water bottle WITH A STRAW ready for labor. It sounds stupid, but I would NOT have been able to hold my own water bottle and drink from it throughout contractions. My DP just held out the bottle for me and it was heaven!


Also, although it was very hard for me to keep anything down during labor, just having watermelon and popsicles to munch on and not have to concentrate on chewing/swallowing was helpful.

Everything else I can think of has been mentioned already.

Good luck mama!
 
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