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What's the funniest thing your child has said lately?

10K views 190 replies 118 participants last post by  Leiahs 
#1 ·
This is an actual conversation between me and my 4-year-old yesterday evening.

Me (reading a Happy Meal box): Ariel's dream was to become human and live happily ever after with Prince Eric. What's your dream?

Chase: What do you mean?

Me: What do you want to do?

Chase: Right now?

Me: In life.

Chase: I don't know.

Me: What do you want to be?

Chase: All right. Now this is getting really lame.



Fill this thread up with funny kid quotes!
 
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#129 ·
My dd (2 and a half) is starting to pick up what we say too much (our fault- not hers).

She's started to say crap quite a bit. Like "ah mommy- theres crap in my bed", or "Mommy- my ponys has to crap now"

The funniest thing is my 5 yo son- he started putting his thumb in his mouth and then blowing hard to fill up his cheek, thus popping out his thumb. He was doing this so much, I was starting to worry it was a tick or something. I'd ask him why he was doing it and he'd sort of shrug.

Finally, I saw him doing it when dh was around- and I pointed it out. "See! He's doing it again!"

Dh shook his head and laughed a little. "Hey bud--- what are you doing?"

"Remember dad? Remember when I hit the tree when I was sledding?" Ds asked.

Well, DH burst out laughing. Last winter, ds was sledding down our hill and ran into a tree- hurting his groin pretty bad for the first time. Apparently Dh told him to blow on his thumb like this to "pop his nuts back out".

"Dad, " ds continues "I'm just poppin my nuts."

Great.
 
#131 ·
My six-year-old has really been nurturing her baby sister (nineteen months) this evening. She's been cradling her in her lap and warming her up with a blanket. A few moments ago they lay side by side across the seat of the easy chair and my oldest said, "Look, Mommy: we're already showing sister-love!"
 
#133 ·
I have 3 boys Kaleb 8yrs, Jacob 5yrs and Caeden 3mo. Anyway, Kaleb came to me the other day and said that Caeden really looks up to him and Jacob, I replied yes his does and always will. He said "yes but he'll always look up to me more because I'm the tallest"
 
#134 ·
Between DD 1 and DSS yest in car DD:so you went on a date? DSS No, I just rode bikes with her. DD: So what's the difference? DSS You go different stuff on a date. And you really like the other person. DD: So you don't like her? DSS No I like her DD So it was a date? DSS NO!!! DD.......So are you gay?
:
 
#135 ·
My 3.5 year old:

I took a very good picture of dd yesterday and showed it to her on my camera. She looked at it and said: "Oh my God, I am sooo beautiful!!!"

We went to a zoo. The next day at breakfast I wanted to review with her all the animals that we saw there. So, I asked her to name them. She did. At night, I wanted to review it again and asked her whether she can name the animals for mommy again. She said: "Mom...I can't believe you forgot everything already!!!"

DD knows that she is not allowed to put dolls or sit herself in ds's infant car seat because it is CLEAN. She was playing with the doll and I overheard her conversation: "Oh, (doll's name), I know you really want to sit in baby's car seat. But mommy does not allow that because it has to stay very clean. But you know what? If baby will burp or poop in it, then we will quickly sit in it too before mom will clean it up again".

I went with my mother and dd to a clothing store to get some suits. I tried a few on and my mom commented whether it was good, bad, wrong colour, wrong fit, etc. Then she went to the bathroom while I was left with ds. I decided to try on a blouse and when I did I said outloud that I don't really like it. My dd then said: "hold on, mom. Turn around. (I did). She said "You know what...(then a pause)...it fits you just perfectly".

We have a tenant in the basement and we often call him "tenant" and not by name. My friend was asking dd about everyone's names and asked what's tenant's name. DD answered: "What do you mean, what his name is? His name is "Tenant"!"

A few days after ds was just born, grandfather called and talked to DD and asked her how ds was doing. She said: "He is fine. He has been born already".


Oh, boy...I can go on and on as I have at least 30-50 more of those super sayings.
 
#137 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by aquadaughter View Post
I've got a good one that I said when I was seven.

me, straight-faced, very matter-of-factly: I am as tall as many adult midgets.

Mom, holding back laughter: Oh, really?!

Now that I look back, It's hysterical!!

:
 
#138 ·
Here was our dinner conversation the other night:

DD2, age 1: YYYEEEEEEAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWW!!!
DH: Hey, Little Shmoo. Come on, stop screaming. Pterodactyls are extinct!
DD1, age 4: Yeah, Shmoo! Pterodactyls STINK!!!

And then, in the bathroom:

DD1, age 4: Mommy, you have hair on your vulva.
Me: Yes, that happens to girls when they grow up and become women.
DD1: Will I get hair there?
Me: Yep.
DD1: Will it be brown like yours?
Me: Probably.
DD1: Is every woman's vulva hair brown?
Me: No, some women's vulva hair is blond, or red, or black.
DD1: Oooh, Mommy, I know...I want mine to be pink!
 
#139 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by fiddledebi View Post

And then, in the bathroom:

DD1, age 4: Mommy, you have hair on your vulva.
Me: Yes, that happens to girls when they grow up and become women.
DD1: Will I get hair there?
Me: Yep.
DD1: Will it be brown like yours?
Me: Probably.
DD1: Is every woman's vulva hair brown?
Me: No, some women's vulva hair is blond, or red, or black.
DD1: Oooh, Mommy, I know...I want mine to be pink!
Hey me too!
 
#141 ·
Meleah's most recent obsession- the hokey pokey. (Dang backyardigans!) Anyways, she'll insist I get up and start sing/chanting it-
You put your lef foot in, you put it out, you put your lef foot in, you put it out, you do the HOLEY IN THE POKEY and you turn yourself around...

It's SO cute. She's ALWAYS coming back at me with things that I never remember to write down, but I swear it's like having a teenager in the house instead of a 3 yo!
 
#144 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by 1xmom View Post
Me: Hurry, up before a care comes (as we are crossing the street by a liquor store).

Her: Mommy, no one ever goes in there.

Me: Well, sometimes people go in there. It is a liqour store.

Her: Eww, what do they "lick" in there?
That's fantastic!
 
#147 ·
I finally have something to add!

My DS (4) recently started preschool at a Methodist church. It is his first exposure to Christianity.

DS: Mama, today at school, Ms. XXX told us not to say "Oh God" because it is taking the Lord's name in vein (went on to explain what that meant and that it wasn't him that said it - phew)
ME: You sometimes say "Oh God" when you are frustrated, what could you say instead?
DS: Damn it!

That's my boy!

We settled on "Oh Geez"
 
#148 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by mackysmama View Post
I finally have something to add!

My DS (4) recently started preschool at a Methodist church. It is his first exposure to Christianity.

DS: Mama, today at school, Ms. XXX told us not to say "Oh God" because it is taking the Lord's name in vein (went on to explain what that meant and that it wasn't him that said it - phew)
ME: You sometimes say "Oh God" when you are frustrated, what could you say instead?
DS: Damn it!

That's my boy!

We settled on "Oh Geez"
Oh, man! All these are funny, but this one really had me
:
 
#149 ·
My two girls ages three and five, were upstairs and it was time for a bath. I told the girls that they needed to get undressed and ready for the bath. My oldest looked at me and said "Why do we need to take bath, Mom? Do we smell like boys?"

:

I have bo idea where she learned that....
 
#150 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by mackysmama View Post
ME: You sometimes say "Oh God" when you are frustrated, what could you say instead?
DS: Damn it!

That's my boy!

We settled on "Oh Geez"
Ha! DH and I started self-censoring our much-more-colorful expletives when DD1 was born, and the two of us settled on a Homer Simpson "D'oh!!!" You should have seen my brother almost swallow his tongue laughing when DD1, age 18 months, dropped something and said, with perfect inflection, "D'OHH!!!"
 
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