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What's the funniest thing your child has said lately?

10K views 190 replies 118 participants last post by  Leiahs 
#1 ·
This is an actual conversation between me and my 4-year-old yesterday evening.

Me (reading a Happy Meal box): Ariel's dream was to become human and live happily ever after with Prince Eric. What's your dream?

Chase: What do you mean?

Me: What do you want to do?

Chase: Right now?

Me: In life.

Chase: I don't know.

Me: What do you want to be?

Chase: All right. Now this is getting really lame.



Fill this thread up with funny kid quotes!
 
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#177 ·
dd...2 1/2....the other day when asked to help pick up her toys, replies in all seriousness and a little bit of a whine "I CAN"T....I HAVE NO HANDS" ...and hides her fingers inside her hands!

And last week comes crying to me..."Momma....I have a headache in my tummy!"
 
#179 ·
I'm not a mama yet, but this was too funny to pass up.. I study the history of tattoos, and have a few myself. I have a beautiful picture of a tattooed lady from a 1920's sideshow on my computer. to show off her full body dragon tatto, the woman is naked, but she is composed to hide boobs and vagina.. My boyfriend's niece, Amanda is nine, and seeing this on my computer says "Oooooooh! you have a naked lady on your computer!!!!"(in that "you're getting in trouble" voice)
ME: Yeah, but see how pretty her tattoo is?
A: You have tattoos.
ME: yes, but this picture was from a long time ago when people didn't know anyone with tattoos.
A: A long long time ago? What, like the EIGHTIES?

Also, a few weeks ago, we went up to see her and her new sister, and to visit my boyfriends sister. we went out to dinner, and amanda rode with us, because we're way more fun than her parents (whole 'nother story there).. her dad drive's like a maniac, and as we're navigating sacramento traffic and trying to keep up with him cutting across all the lanes and such without signaling, her mom calls us on the cellphone to try and explain where we're going... and Amanda asks plainly, "is daddy trying to get us killed?"
 
#180 ·
Reviving this thread because dd (23mos) totally cracked us up the other day. Dh and I had barely just woken up and were laying in bed. We hear this little voice from the side of the bed, "Da kitty pooped, Mommy."

Now, dd sometimes pretends that her dolls and stuffed animals poop, and we have to change their diapers. So I turn to look at her and realize she's not holding a stuffed kitty. I look at her suspiciously, "Are YOU the kitty?"

Her response: "Meow."

 
#181 ·
Conversation I just had with my 7 year old son yesterday:

Me:Alex, do you still think Hannah is pretty?

Alex: Yes and she is my girlfriend too.

Me: Well do you think you'll marry her someday?

Alex: No because when she grows up she wants to move to XXX and I want to move to XXX. (cities within 10 miles of each other)

Me: Well whats wrong with that? You could just pick one together and move there.

Alex: No! If I marry her she will just keep arguing about wanting to move to XXX like she wants to and I will have to go because the wife is always right and gets everything she wants!
So I'm just not going to marry her at all!

Me:
 
#182 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fiestabeth View Post
Reviving this thread because dd (23mos) totally cracked us up the other day. Dh and I had barely just woken up and were laying in bed. We hear this little voice from the side of the bed, "Da kitty pooped, Mommy."

Now, dd sometimes pretends that her dolls and stuffed animals poop, and we have to change their diapers. So I turn to look at her and realize she's not holding a stuffed kitty. I look at her suspiciously, "Are YOU the kitty?"

Her response: "Meow."



OH that is so cute!!
 
#183 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by fiddledebi View Post
Here was our dinner conversation the other night:

DD2, age 1: YYYEEEEEEAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWW!!!
DH: Hey, Little Shmoo. Come on, stop screaming. Pterodactyls are extinct!
DD1, age 4: Yeah, Shmoo! Pterodactyls STINK!!!

And then, in the bathroom:

DD1, age 4: Mommy, you have hair on your vulva.
Me: Yes, that happens to girls when they grow up and become women.
DD1: Will I get hair there?
Me: Yep.
DD1: Will it be brown like yours?
Me: Probably.
DD1: Is every woman's vulva hair brown?
Me: No, some women's vulva hair is blond, or red, or black.
DD1: Oooh, Mommy, I know...I want mine to be pink!


Now that is cute!!
 
#184 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by cdmaze View Post
My dd (2 and a half) is starting to pick up what we say too much (our fault- not hers).

She's started to say crap quite a bit. Like "ah mommy- theres crap in my bed", or "Mommy- my ponys has to crap now"

The funniest thing is my 5 yo son- he started putting his thumb in his mouth and then blowing hard to fill up his cheek, thus popping out his thumb. He was doing this so much, I was starting to worry it was a tick or something. I'd ask him why he was doing it and he'd sort of shrug.

Finally, I saw him doing it when dh was around- and I pointed it out. "See! He's doing it again!"

Dh shook his head and laughed a little. "Hey bud--- what are you doing?"

"Remember dad? Remember when I hit the tree when I was sledding?" Ds asked.

Well, DH burst out laughing. Last winter, ds was sledding down our hill and ran into a tree- hurting his groin pretty bad for the first time. Apparently Dh told him to blow on his thumb like this to "pop his nuts back out".

"Dad, " ds continues "I'm just poppin my nuts."

Great.

OMGGGGGGGGGGG
 
#187 ·
This is always a classic but much funnier when your children say it.

Auntie: Carson, say Grace.

ds: Grace



Ds who had something in his pants that was itching him: Mommy, one of the kids in school put hair in my butt



DS - mommy when I am old enough to drive and you are three years old then I will drive and you will sit in my carseat.

And more sweet than funny while we are laying in bed:
DS - Mommy, we're best friends forever...
 
#188 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Fiestabeth View Post
Reviving this thread because dd (23mos) totally cracked us up the other day. Dh and I had barely just woken up and were laying in bed. We hear this little voice from the side of the bed, "Da kitty pooped, Mommy."

Now, dd sometimes pretends that her dolls and stuffed animals poop, and we have to change their diapers. So I turn to look at her and realize she's not holding a stuffed kitty. I look at her suspiciously, "Are YOU the kitty?"

Her response: "Meow."



Thats awesome!!!
 
#190 ·
Dd: What day is today?
Me: Thanksgiving
dd: No, what day of the week is it?
me: Thursday.
dd: Thursday?!!! D*MMIT!!!

and also today -
Dd, age 4.5 has been naked all day. I am really, really, wanting to go out to park, or to the backyard, or anywhere, and she just refuses to get dressed. A few minutes ago I thought I'd try again, and she said, "No, there's a butt show coming on PBS Kids."
 
#191 ·
Yesterday, after DD (3 years old) walked in on Daddy going potty, she ran back and excitedly told me, "MOMMY!! Daddy wasn't sitting down on the potty, he was standing up and he pulled his pee pee out!"
:

I don't think she had ever seen DH stand to use the bathroom before (in memory, at least)...the whole thing had me just cracking up, the way she was so excited and incredulous about it!
 
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