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Dh filing a complaint against his boss w/human resources

11K views 164 replies 39 participants last post by  shelbean91 
#1 ·
Dh thinks he's being discriminated against b/c of Jake's autism.

I don't think I posted the back story, but Shawn has been working at the same place for almost 6 years. Jake was dx'd w/autism about 2 1/2 years ago. I was a FT student until I graduated last May and last August I began working FT as a teacher, so if something came up, we had to alternate days off.

Shawn hasn't missed an extraordinary amount of work, either to care for Jake or any other reason, but one day last Nov, his boss commented about 'all this time off, maybe having another position (he's a supervisor) would be a good idea'. He felt his job was threatened, so he filed for FMLA protection for anything related to Jake. Jake has therapy every day of the week and we're very limited in care options b/c of the autism (and he's a flight risk) so either dh or I need to take off if our regular provider (mil) or our 2 backups are ill or need a day off for whatever reason.

The day after he filed for the FMLA protection, his boss changed his schedule (from days to nights) and his responsibilities (essentially making him not supervising as many people or functioning as a supervisor). He waited it out from last Nov/Dec to now to see if it was temporary changes (as he was told) or what. He was also told last Nov (before the FMLA was filed) that he would be promoted this summer (no real job changes, but only title change that would make him bonus eligible and give a little raise). No proof of this and his boss seems to be not willing to do this and she's really the only one who needs to approve/deny the promotion.

So, he went to HR today and told the story. He's got a meeting with her today to see the status of his job position, responsibilities, and promotion. We're fairly certain she's going to tell him no, and he's got to deal with it. (She's made other people quit by making them so miserable).

I've checked with the EEOC and dh is protected b/c he's a responsible caregiver of a person with a disability. I think that she thinks he's a white male under 40 so can't be discriminated against and is doing all she can to make him quit. He doens't want to- this is a good company with good benefits and he's now been here longer than any other company. He wants his old responsibilites and schedule back (and this promotion he was told he would get- but there's no proof of that, so we'll see).

I'm really nervous about this. I know we're in the right, but I can't depend on the HR dept doing the right thing. His boss has been there for a LONG time. he's meeting with her right now. I'll update later.

Any support or suggestions would be great!
 
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#53 ·
He will be meeting with HR again today to see what's happening. He also thinks he's going to get his midyear review from his boss today (went in early b/c she's only working a 1/2 day today and he's off on Fridays). i'll post as soon as I hear.

Thanks for asking. We SOOOOO hope we dont' have to go to court on this.
 
#56 ·
Well, bosslady was gone by the time he got there, so no midyear review. However, considering he had a meeting with her the DAY he filed w/HR (before she knew) about his job responsibilities and performance and she didn't say anything negative to him, a poor review will likely be easy to prove as retaliation.

He also had a meeting from 3-5 so may not have time to talk to HR as they usually leave at 5 and the stupid meetings usually run over. He's off tomorrow, so nothing until monday unless he does a phone conference.
 
#57 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by shelbean91 View Post
Sometimes- he'll let her know something is coming up and he *might* need to have time off depending on if we can get other coverage. He'll end up not taking the day, but in *her* mind, he's taking 'all this time off'. Should he document he's telling her he *might* need time off or just when he *actually* takes time off do you think?
No--and just for the record--if I were him I wouldn't say I 'might' need the time of either--because just as you have stated, it is already registered in her mind that he has done it! This may sound like common sense to you and I--he didn't actually TAKE the time, so what's the problem....well, in her mind the problem is: he even THOUGHT about it. Yah, you are dealing with a petty person here and nothing can be considered extreme.
Hang in there--I do hope this gets better for you.
For my dh, things have gotten so bad for him (emotionally) that it causes him to throw his back out--that's how I can tell he's under stress--and his job has nothing to do with lifting weight--he's director of technology for a large firm.
 
#58 ·
Well, now he won't tell her. But, I do that at work all the time in casual conversation- you know 'yeah, we've got this coming up, i'm calling all the back ups, but if that doesn't work out, I have to take the day off'.
 
#61 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by shelbean91 View Post

It's interesting to me that his boss, who is a woman (and a minority) would be THIS insensitive to discrimination issues.
Maybe she feel invincible and above reproach, like no one else is entitled to protection against discrimination because SHE is, so she can behave in any way she wishes. Either way, I hope this all plays out in your favor with out having to change jobs
 
#62 ·
You know what's funny about that? Usually, just being a woman isn't enough to automatically be considered a minority. You need to be a woman of color, or have your religion be part of the discrimiation, or your sexual preference. Caucasian women can usually only file sexual discrimination or pregnancy discrimination cases. BTDT.

Unless she is one of the protected classes, she may not be as safe as she thinks.
 
#63 ·
She's a woman of color over 40, so that's a protected class, I'm pretty sure. I DO think that she thinks she's above reprimand b/c she HAS gotten away with this bullying crap before. Basically, that's what she's doing- trying to bully him to quit. It's happened to many other people in the 20 years she's been working there, at least a dozen times in the 6 years dh has been there. She sucks.
 
#65 ·
Wow, I'll be following your story from now on (just now seeing it). I'm a former HR rep (who wised up and pursued corporate training instead!
). Anyway, my perspective is that if/when he mentions EEOC that HR will step up their investigation considerably. Sounds like he has done the right thing documenting everything and the woman definitely sounds like a horrible boss (with NO clue and seriously in need of management training!).

I'll put a plug in, though, for female bosses. They aren't ALL horrible -- in fact, I've had the pleasure of working with many who are terrific. I'm sorry your husbands boss is not one of them!

Good luck to you both!
 
#66 ·
I would have him put, in writing:

He wants the promotion he was told he can get
He wants her to have a formal disciplinary action for her behavior that is not acceptable
He wants to have her not have a direct supervisory role/ability to give him performance reviews given her history of retaliation

These are very concrete things that HR can work with.

Let's hope things go well.
 
#67 ·
I agree, not all female bosses are horrible. I've had a few good ones, but the WORST bosses I have had in the past have been women. It sucks. We think HR is waiting to follow up with him until he gets his review- probably to see how he responds to it. This is a $5k/year raise we're talking about, not including the promotion- so not exactly small potatoes.

Lynn- that is exactly what he wants and what he will be telling them on Monday, in addition to the fact we are on a timeframe for filing EEOC. And, honestly- he wants NO regular, direct contact with her. She's bullied not only subordinates, but peers in the past.

Giggleball - My sister works HR in another state and she told me the same thing you just did. EEOC makes responses come a bit faster.

Please, please, please let them do the right thing.
 
#69 ·
He doesn't start until 3, so no updates yet. he's on his way in- it's 2:20 here now. HR replied to his meeting request that they can meet with him later this week- we suspect it's b/c they want to see how he reacts to his review.
 
#70 ·
He's been at work almost 3 hrs and still no talk w/the boss. He's being calm. As far as the question of what he wants, he's going to tell them he really only sees 3 options as this progresses:

1- they do nothing, everything stays the same, we file EEOC and sue the company and boss personally

2- they fire her, he files EEOC against boss personally, but nothing against the company

3- she resigns, he gets the promotion and lets everything else drop.

Honestly, I don't know how realistic this is, but it is a pretty obvious issue, IMO and I don't think we'd have a hard time proving a case if needed. I think HR feels like he will let it drop if he gets the raise/promotion- but he won't be able to work with her b/c she will sabotage his career at every chance she gets. SHe's probably already badmouthing him around the company, but once anyone sees how he works, they will know he does a great job.
 
#71 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by shelbean91 View Post
I agree, not all female bosses are horrible. I've had a few good ones, but the WORST bosses I have had in the past have been women.
I totally agree w/the advice you've gotten. I caution you, though, from letting this sentiment about female supervisors even creep into your thoughts when you're talking to HR. It's super grounds for her to file her own suit or leverage against the co. Then, the co. has to choose the lesser of 2 evils, so to speak.

GOOD LUCK & I hope dh kicks booty
He has every right and reason to win!
 
#72 ·
Oh, I don't think HE'S every had a bad boss who's female until this one. That's my issue. He keeps saying she's crazy (not to anyone at work, just to me- and others have complained she's crazy as well). I told him to NOT bring that up, b/c if she has some medical dx of mental illness, that will give her leverage to keep her job and not get moved.

I just want some answers. I have to report back to school this friday (Teachers report back friday, students the following Wed) and don't want this hanging over our heads. I don't think it will be resolved, I just won't have time to deal w/anything that needs dealt with.
 
#73 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by BusyMommy View Post
I caution you, though, from letting this sentiment about female supervisors even creep into your thoughts when you're talking to HR. It's super grounds for her to file her own suit or leverage against the co. Then, the co. has to choose the lesser of 2 evils, so to speak.
Also, if things really have to go that far, anything you say here can be used against you guys, so tread lightly.


Any updates? Oh, wait, he's probably not even awake yet.
 
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