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Posts by mama41

 This. Also, if you're feeling apologetic about what it takes for you to be a good mother, or are afraid it makes you undesirable -- please don't. You've got nothing to apologize for or be afraid of.
Your GF needs to realize that you're a mom. This is normal courtship when you date a parent.   She's entirely free to go on trips and go to concerts. No one's stopping her. But if she can't acclimate to the idea that this is family life, and she's dating a family, then she's not ready for you. It's certainly not your job to "help her mourn" -- you've got more than enough to do.   My boyfriend is a mid-forties man-child who's run away from art hoping to find a more...
Hi. You need to bring your son to a good child psychologist for evaluations and -- this is key -- regular visits. The psychologist must know you and your son well -- you need ongoing 3rd-party expert corroboration of what you're seeing.   Beyond that, you'll have trouble. Talk to your lawyer about (a) getting the TPO enforced in spirit as well as in letter; (b) realistic chances for you to move a substantial distance away, if you'll have support there. It's very sad but...
This is crazy. You need a court order. You're split, he doesn't get to dictate what you do datingwise, and you don't get to dictate what he does. And he certainly doesn't get to threaten withholding c/s or playing games with visitation. Don't allow him to control you, but do pay attention to his concerns. Offer to meet with a mediator, where he can (a) learn what 'controlling' means and why it's not okay; (b) air his concerns; (c) give you a chance to respond in a sane...
You know, this is really part of the tension of working at the place. I know perfectly well -- lots of staff do -- that the institution's untenable. They honestly don't know how to adapt, and when the current wave of high-tuition-paying Chinese students ends (I estimate we've got less than 10 years to go on that), a lot of doors will suddenly lock and not open again. The admins will be trying to figure out how to rent empty classroom and lab space to businesses. They view...
:) 'sokay. And thanks.   Grantwriting's actually a tough racket. The main thing is that the people who can actually pay you enough to live on are not, in general, people you'd want to help get money. Around here I could get a salaried job writing grants for a major publisher bent on developing eighty zillion more standardized tests to inflict on children, the aged, the infirm, anyone who can't escape. Even scientific grants...you know, a lot of these people really...
I must say, this is really part of why things become difficult. In the very first post, I said that I'm not an academic, there are no better local job prospects, and moving is not in the cards. Every reply so far has roundly ignored all of what I've said, and either commiserated about grad school, suggested I find a better job, or suggested I move. If you have no suggestions based on the realities I've laid out, that's depressing, but fine.   It's very hard to feel well,...
Hi - thanks. Academia's...well, it depends on the kind of university, but in general, it's not what it used to be. The money has to come from somewhere, and when it doesn't -- either because state appropriations or gifts are down, or because grant income is down, or the university's restructuring in a survival bid -- jobs and even departments, occasionally, disappear. If you lift up the curtain on many universities these days, you'll see fiscal osteoporosis. So I really...
hey guys, I appreciate the responses, but as I said above, I'm not a PhD, not looking for one, either. I'm a writer, employed as a grants editor, media person, writing teacher, and sixteen other things at this point, simply because I'm the only one in sight who's been outside academe ever, which means I know how to do lots of things. Which isn't usual in academe. It's a physical-sciences dept in an area where I have a background.  I'm staff and an adjunct instructor (I'm...
Very much against "just friends" -- first because it's lying and second because unless the kids are really dim, they'll come to suspect every "friend" is a boyfriend. I'd do it this way: If you're actually good at choosing men, and the relationship is likely to be stable, then give it a good six months first, if not longer. If you're not so good at choosing men? Honestly...unless you're seriously considering marriage, and not in an impulsive way, "never" may not be a bad...
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