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Posts by kathleenE

Oh, I feel so bad for you! Your post could just as easily have been written by me. (in fact, I'm sure there's an almost identical one in the archives here--probably several). I didn't get my heart broken by a married man after stbx and I separated; but my situation was just as messy and messed up. It's been a year and I'm not feeling better; but EVERYONE tells me it will get better. So now I'm passing on the word. It has to get better; you can plow through the day,...
Gosh--In California, paying child support is not optional. In any divorce or legal separation where there are children, a child support order will be made by the judge. The judge makes it--the parents don't ask for it. It's mandatory. If the parents do not write down an amount, the amount is determined by the dissomaster, a computer program which takes into account his income, your income, and the amount of time the children spend with which parent. But it's very...
so sorry to hear this, Sweeney. I have had similar experiences; but my advice would be to keep asking. Yes, as Vypros said, you *could* do it all on your own and feel stronger that way. But the fact is, who can move a household all alone, with two children in tow? You're just supposed to hoist that king-sized bed up on one shoulder while holding your kids' hands with the other arm?? The fact is, some tasks, many tasks, DO require multiple people to be pulled off...
Quote: I know that I got myself here, so I'm not looking for any sympathy. You know, Rubymoon, just because you had a hand in getting yourself where you are now DOESN'T mean that you don't deserve sympathy, or deserve the right to ask for sympathy! You have, and deserve, all of our sympathy! Who among us is perfect? If anything, those of us (I am one) who feel we brought our fate upon ourselves though ill-thought-out choices and other mistakes need...
Hugs to you! Every day is so hard; just feel triumphant each night as you go to bed that you made it through another day. I wanted to comment on the women's studies thing. It's a hot field in academia! Did you get your B.A., or a higher degree? Because if you got your B.A. and did well, chances are you could get into a Ph.D. program, get the school to pay all your tuition, and get a $20,000/yr stipend to live on while you work on your degree. And there's a lot...
Haven't posted in several months, but here I am again. Still in Ventura, CA, still only separated from stbx because of my need for his health insurance. We share custody and have three boys: 14, 11, and 4. I teach Italian at the community college. Before that I taught at Yale for many years, but got really sick; and we moved here partly so we could be near my family, especially my mom, who helps a lot with my youngest. I am really struggling, every single day. ...
We could never have split up our children, because they are all boys, and my two oldest are each other's best friend. To have them lose that comfort and constant companionship, along with their parents-as-a-unit-together, would have been like punishing them in a horrible way right at the worst moment of their lives. If your kids are far apart in age, of different sexes, and are not close, then that's a totally different story.
It sounds to me like he needed to get something out of his system, and did it, and saw the value of what he had with your sister--thus the proposal. If he did have a few-weeks fling with somebody, it sounds like it's over, and like it's done the job of showing him where his heart really is (with your sister). So if you do confront him, I would be very careful about your wording. You can't possibly know what's in his heart. I don't know what words to use. But I'd...
Your vengefulness is *not* harmless--it harms YOU! I know, because I still feel it towards stbx. And I'm the only one suffering for it. In my case, it's all about the events and non events of a failed 15 year marriage, so my situation is a lot different. In your case, you have this huge question mark hanging there...."will he someday change his mind? Will he show up one day and want his parental "rights"? But if you possibly can, let it go! I am working so...
Thank you so much, all of you, for your encouragement and support. This depression thing is so strange. I was almost catatonic yesterday all day, though I had all three of the kids and had to tool around town with a cheerful expression just as though all were well. And then the new year's eve thing....ugh. My older two wanted to stay up until midnight; so of course I did too, with them, and rang in the new year with a bottle of champagne (they each got a tiny glass of...
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