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Posts by milletpuff

We live here, and we are currently in the early stages of the adoption process for our first kid, so hopefully we will actually *have* a kid in the next 1 - 2 years. There's someone else on the boards who is currently pregnant with #1 IIRC as well.   Welcome in advance! :) What part of the city are you moving to?
But his intent *was* ill - he was trying to be as insulting as possible to the ref, and the most insulting thing that he could think of was to call him a gay man. And, if that particular slur were not used ACTIVELY EVERY SINGLE DAY to attack, threaten, bully and victimize gay men and boys, then *MAYBE* I could sort of kind of see where you are coming from. But I just don't agree AT ALL. It's awesome for you that you can hear that word and you mind does not go...
The point I was trying to make is that I don't think "divorce" is a good indicator of health/unhealth. I agree 100% that many (most) poly couples hold commitment very dear, I was trying to make a distinction between commitment and "traditional marriage". I do know a lot of poly people, though a lot fewer now that I am no longer practicing poly myself. But I spent many years as identifying as actively poly, and 4 or 5 years in poly relationships.
I was thinking more about this this morning. I think that we would be more likely to find higher rates of divorce amony poly couples than in the general population, because people entering into a poly relationship are more likely to be less engaged in "traditional" definitions and expressions of commitment. A lot of people don't believe in divorce, and place the continuation of a marriage at a high priority for them. I'm going to guess (and again, anecdotal evidence, for...
  I think it's also a different question because, as has been posted before, "non-divorcing" does not * neccesarily* equal "healthy". So to answer the original question, we have to first determine what constitutes a healthy relationship.   And, my answer to the original question, based on what I consider healthy in a relationship, is yes. I don't currently have the energy or desire to have an open relationship, but I believe that it's very possible. Not for everyone, and...
Some of the exchanges in this thread remind me of this: http://derailingfordummies.com/   That page is an extreme version, but as a white person who wants to be an ally, trying to learn and educate myself, I have found that site to be really useful in checking my own gut-level defensiveness (ie, anytime I hear myself think "BUT..." in a charged conversation about race/privilege).
I don't think it's anyone else's responsibility either, as I stated.
Thanks so much for all the replies. They are so different than the ones that I received when I posted a similar question on an infertility/adoption forum and I think it's safe to say that the questions you all are asking me are the same ones that my family (who are *not* involved in the IF or adoption worlds) have. I want to make 2 things clear if they were not from my original post: we CAN afford to raise a child without anyone's help and we do not NEED money to be able...
I think I am realizing that the bigger issue is feeling sad and disappointed that our families have not been more involved or supportive of the whole family building process (the 2 years of trying and the 3 m/c), and I think I was hoping that they would be excited that there is something concrete that they can do - they have been saying this whole time that they wish there was something they could do to help/support us.   We have money to raise a child. We had $20k...
I posted in Frugality and Finances b/c it's directly about $$ but it's also about family dynamics and also maybe disappointment and a bunch of other stuff that I'm still trying to work out :)   http://www.mothering.com/community/forum/thread/1306337/have-you-asked-family-for-money#post_16362204   Thanks
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