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Posts by Oh the Irony

Yeah, was going to say a 2am text the night after a date sounds like fishing for a booty call. I actually asked my ex out the first time and then later asked him to marry me--so I am totally capable of doing whatever I feel called to do. I saw later in that marriage how little drive and initiative he really had. So now when I date, I do like to have the man pursue a bit. It gives me some useful info. I don't want another relationship where I am THE driving force behind...
The only thing I have seen is a section in the book Mom's House, Dad's House.  It suggests that meeting a new SO starts with just a casual meeting--maybe even just running into each other somewhere when you have the kids. Then maybe a short event where you meet up with no physical display like hand-holding. And then just very gradually spending more time.   Some people have it written in their legal documentation that a new person can't be introduced until 6 months...
And yes, as previous poster was pointing out, the lesson isn't necessarily what HE SAYS the lesson is.   The guy I saw had all sorts of "lessons" for me. Most of them involving my character deficits and my fear.   I learned, once again, to listen to my gut. I also learned that I had very weak boundaries and that I needed to work on that.
Notice how after you broke up with him, everyone warned you that he would want to get back together? That's because they KNOW THIS PATTERN. These guys don't like to let anyone go--even though you are such a "crappy girlfriend" or some such. If you are so crappy, why does he want to hang on so much?   I dated someone for 8 months that was similar to this guy. Broke up with him, he freaked out, wrote nasty stuff, physically intimidated me (no touch--it's hard to...
  I don't know the legal answer. Is the refund coming back to you? Is it in your name or both names? I would at least get a consult with an attorney and ask this question. You don't want to do something that will end up biting you later...And I would stop talking to him about a CS amount. I would file for it and get whatever you are legally able to get. He doesn't make a lot of money so a ballpark of $3-500 is probably on target. You mention 100% of your income going to...
I think it would be for me...but that is really easy to say when you are not in that position.   As someone else pointed out, he is not showing any care or concern for you. It would be a bit different if he was at least doing more around the house.   I would be inclined to keep it simple. I would express your thoughts one more time using non-violent communication: I feel xxx when we are so strapped for cash and you don't look for a job. If you don't look for and...
Good PM. Didn't mean to offend--you know how damn blunt I can be...   I had a similar experience to Zeta--where things that I thought were done out of kindness, open-heartedness and generosity  (like him taking care of you when you were sick) were later held over my head--it didn't really become obvious until 5 or so months in.    And we all are rooting for your happiness--we are just aware of how early dating after rough divorces can go. That happiness and...
Yeah, I can't comment on all your questions but can speak to the every weekend deal. It's hard. You get the time where you have to be super focused: get up, breakfast, everyone dressed,pack lunches, work, get kids, homework, bedtime routines. It can really be a grind doing it yourself. And then your ex will get them when he (presumably) has nothing else going on. It makes for a weird and sometimes exhausting dynamic.   I agree if he gets weekends then he shouldn't...
Hey PM. How long have you been talking with him? How many actual dates? How many overnights?  I think calling it love is premature. :bag Infatuation, limerance, attraction, connection can all happen quickly--but I do think adult love takes time to develop. The first 6 months is the dreamy time--what happens after that 6 months is what I would start using as an indicator. Having strong feelings quickly CAN be a red flag in itself.   What his mother said actually concerns...
  Lots of moms--that is who the heck. It's amazing what you can do when you HAVE to. I understand you feel defeated, but I agree with others that you are seeing this in major black and white. It's not just choice A: dream career and homeschooling or B: let ex have custody of kids.  One choice is your dream but the other would be a nightmare for you--it would be as "hands-off" as you could be--I don't see how that is a better choice than perhaps compromising on the career...
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