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Posts by Oh the Irony

Are you talking about a lump sum? Income? Do you plan on working?
There is some good info in Mom's House, Dad's House. One way to do it is to bump into each other at the grocery store or co-op. Or dog walking. Then you can do a casual introduction. Then if you want to do more, you would invite him to something fairly short. No PDA. And slowly build. I don't personally have objections to people dating before the divorce is final, but really 10 months is not that long. If the divorce is close, why not wait and then nobody...
Big hugs to you. I would step carefully here. As I mentioned, I've found a middle ground where we can both be very involved. In a sense though, he had to earn that right because of the situation. A man in the midst of a mid-life crisis doesn't sound like someone who will be an equal partner in parenting. One thing that comes to mind is that this could be part of the bargaining stage of grief. There is so much to grieve and I found the loss of the family unit one of the...
I considered this when we first separated. It was too painful for me. It didn't have the "family feel" so it was bittersweet. I was also still recovering from his infidelity. It was very confusing for my older son who wanted us back together like you wouldn't believe. I found I needed my boundaries. Continuing to act like a nuclear family wasn't within them. That said, four years out we work really well together. We are comfortable meeting up at kid events. T-ball,...
Quote: Originally Posted by ihugtrees This means I need to rely on my DH for child support. What he has offered to do at this point is pay the minimum the state requires ($300-500 we are guessing from what we've read online) and then pay for my car payment & insurance, my student loans, and my cell phone bill "off the books". Since my income won't be too high, I can get food stamps and use the money I make working part time to pay rent/utilities, and for...
I liked that one too. A little hard to handle when I was in a particularly ragey stage and just wanted to rage and vent for awhile but I liked it and got quite a bit from it.
When you separate from someone, you no longer deserve their emotional life. It becomes about separating those ties. Look at this from his perspective--I know you warned him--but you left him. That's a wound he is dealing (or not dealing as the case may be) will. When you try and talk with him it opens and perhaps deepens the wound. Your wound too...the information you found out when he did talk made you feel worse, not better. I would stop all personal conversation....
I would try and reframe the WIC. Why should you be embarrassed? If you qualify, you qualify. Do you think other people getting WIC should be embarrassed? If not, why should you? And keep it in perspective. 3 months of living expenses is more than tons of folks have right now. If you take some corrective measures that others have mentioned and maybe get WIC job or other PT work you will be back on track quickly.
Another vote for bankruptcy and quiting your job. Unless you can increase your income, by working more hours or doing some wah then you don't have enough money to live unless good and cheap childcare materializes. With your health situation this doesn't seem like a good idea. Get out from the debt and consider not working for a couple of years. If you got rid of the debt and quit your job you wouldn't need childcare. You could live on CS, perhaps some odd jobs, and you...
Yeah, it takes some time. I had to let go of lots of anger and resentment and at first needed very strong boundaries. 4 years later and we have a great co-parenting thing going on--and has been really good for the last year. I am quite fortunate in that our lifestyle choices and parenting philosophies are very similar. That makes a BIG difference in co-parenting. I think when you have opposing views on things you have to let a lot more go. And deal with...
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