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Posts by alwayslearning66

Hello. I'm not sure when to show (read to) our soon to be adopted 5 yo the good-bye letter we just received. She's had no physical contact with the bio mom since she was 3 and the last letter read to her was summertime. She has a hodgepodge of memories as she was moved from home to home and had several caregivers during those years. The biomom is mildly delusional and doesn't deal well with system boundaries. All of her (dfd's) memories are positive, though very mixed...
Thanks for all the ideas and possible hoop jumping tricks. Yeah, the first name will stay- there's no doubt that's who he is inside and out. We plan to transition the spelling by buying letters for his bed that represent his nick name (very common and therefore difficult to trace) and then changing the spelling of his legal first name to match a more generic fashion, again untraceable (like Aenndrew to Andrew, following your example). I realize that with his extended...
Hi- We're nearly done with our wait for our foster son to be adoptable by us- yahoo! He's been with us for 15 months and is now nearly 5. He's stabilizing, as are we. The birth mother has an appeal goint thorough it's courses that should be over within a month or two (99% sure in our favor) and the birth father has been awol for nearly a year. No visits or contact with anyone for a year for a variety of reasons.   My post is for two reasons: 1. Name change: he...
I did not adopt out of order, but did surprise myself by bringing home two 3.5 year olds through two separate processes. Both times has been delightful and horribly difficult, but never regrettable. I've heard from others who have gone out of birth order and have been successful with that despite conventional wisdom. You can, and should be very specific on what sort of child you're willing to accept which may make you feel more comfortable about an older child....
Just a tidbit... My parents fostered pregnant teens while I was quite young (4-7) and also had kids in from the inner city during the summer. I have no lasting scars and only the deepest respect for people who do fostercare as well as those who receive such services.   Our first child was adopted out of country and we're now fostering another, age 4. It's been the best thing in the world for our first. She's learned an enormous amount about herself, humanity as...
I never thought I'd be a parent. Then we took in one cat, then another and finally a labrador retriever. By that point I knew we could do the parent thing without failing miserably. Adopting seemed the most obvious option since I had no interest in birthing a child and had great models of adoption including a same age cousin. I started talking to people, as you are doing, and signed up for an info session. Taking it step by step was what worked for me. I was never...
Congrats! We have friends that did that, a 2, 5 and 7 year old sibling set. They've been through their ups and downs, but now 10 years later are doing AMAZINGLY well. They made use of every possible resource and moved several states away to be closer to  family that helps. Best of luck in the coming years!
Thanks :) It feels so surreal and uncertain at the moment given all the drama that comes with this, so a simple congrats is nice to hear at the moment. I've been asked by the GAL what kind of contact do we wish at this juncture. Talk about difficult decisions. When I tried to schluff it off onto DHHS, she told me that as the most constant contact in his life, I should know what he needs. Ugh. How do we decide these things??
An update to this... the judge granted TPR. This is a by the book judge who only writes such an order if he is certain is cannot be appealed successfully, I was told. The birth mother will likely attempt an appeal therebye delaying our dfs' sense of permanency. I was told that the briefs would be written, reviewed and a permanent order issued in about 6 months. That's 6 more months of telling our dfs "maybe" while life moves ahead all around him. We did tell him that the...
Our case worker said that DHHS does not do open adoptions. However, we are free to arrange whatever we want post adoption. That may be what is being said in the above postings.   I agree that he may have more of an attachment than meets the eye. I'm trying to tread this path very carefully knowing full well that there could be a safety issue. We're tempted to give her a one year moratorium by arranging to send her an email with our special email address at that one...
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