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Posts by ExOfficia

  I so, so second this!  I used to be brutal with take-out and going out.  I thought carefully about why it was happening so much and I realized that it came from all-or-nothing thinking.  Most of the time I make everything from scratch, but we all have those days where it's just not going to happen because we're too tired, too stressed, too everything.  On those days I'd throw up my arms and just say, I give up, we're ordering pizza.  Then, $30 later, I feel lousy about...
The other day I found six new Denby mugs for 69 cents each.  I'll probably get at least $10 each for them on Ebay.  Whee!
I do ebay, kijiji, books on Amazon marketplace, take the kids old things to the consignment store, resell the occasional steal from the thrift store.  I also do online surveys.  It seems like piddly amounts at the time, but it really does all add up.
Sitting down to pay the bills and at the end of it, not having gone into overdraft.   A warm, tidy (and this is critical for me, don't ask me why) house with music playing.   Watching my kids play some crazy, imaginative game and having fun (and not actually fighting!).   Having friends over for dinner.   I love this thread!
I have a lot to say about your situation as a lot of it is far too familiar to me...but I have hungry kiddos at the moment so I will come back later...   Quickly though I have to say that one thing just jumped out at me- you describe yourself as being intense and demanding (in terms of how you emasculated him).  I wonder if this is an expression of your ongoing resentment of him, of who he *isn't*, if that makes sense.  I know that feeling well.   The other thing...
I'll share my experience from the other side of the fence...   Seven years ago my ex-h had what most of us would call a midlife crisis.  There was an affair (and there had been other, online affairs, but this one was the biggie) and we were definitely on the brink.  He said he was in love with his affair partner, had always loved me but was never 'in love'...blah blah blah.  He was a wreck.  Our kids were very young, 3 and 4.  I hadn't worked outside the home since...
We tried, but ultimately it was a disaster. Our circumstances were very different from yours, however. We chose to try to live together more because of timing (it was just a few weeks away from ds's birthday and Christmas), and of course, finances. He left me for a girlfriend from 25 years ago that he'd been having an affair with, which I didn't know about until d-day. Like a said, very different story. Still, we were always friends. And for the time he and the...
Hi mama, I can commiserate. My story is very similar to yours, but I'm a bit further down the road (my d-day was last November). I'm going through a bit of a down period right now, but I will tell you that more and more as time goes on you will see how much better you and your kids will be without him. I definitely have my moments (like today) but most days I feel an incredible freedom. While my ex thinks he's living a Leonard Cohen poem, I get the privilege and...
It's very heartening to read this. My separation is pretty fresh, and getting into a relationship right now, or even in the next couple of years, is pretty much the last thing I have on my mind. For now, I'm sticking to the basics- the kids, food, shelter, finding work- for now. I'm enjoying my peace at home and even starting to get a bit into the visitation schedule. I had my first job interview last week (fingers, toes, everything crossed!) and am excited at the...
I'm so sorry, mama. I know this isn't easy. I don't have any advice, just sympathy and understanding. I'm going through a similar thing, though I'm at an earlier stage. My stbx left me 5 months ago for an ex-girlfriend from 25 years ago, the one he had been with two girlfriends before me. They began an affair sometime last fall, and his announcement hit me like a wall of bricks. I know they want to get married, my guess is a.s.a.p., but here we have a mandatory...
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