I know how you feel. I have lost 2 babies in the 2nd trimester in the last 6 months. It is hard to be super excited because I face the coming weeks with great trepidation and wonder too, if I will hold a live baby in my arms in April. I am hopeful, but no longer go into pregnancy thinking there is a "safe" point or with the same innocence of never knowing the pain of losing a child. I wonder at times, if I will ever be able to let my guard down and enjoy it.