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Posts by patecake

Hey, Mambera, glad you jumped in! I will clarify a little by saying that I actually very seldom get asked the question directly, "What's your/your baby's ethnicity?" And if I did, I actually don't think I'd mind, necessarily (I'd have to be asked to be sure, I guess!). I think this is likely because my baby's ethnicities are obvious to most people around here. As you know quite well, I'm sure, the Bay Area is home to a *ton* of Chinese people, and a *ton* of...
Hi again, blithespirit!    I think it's really awesome that you're so invested in giving your girls their Chinese language heritage. Your husband is really lucky to have not only your buy-in, but your enthusiastic advocacy on this.   I'm also trying to raise my baby to be bilingual, but I'm having a hard time because I'm kind of alone on this. I'm the only person who speaks Chinese to my son on a consistent basis, since my family doesn't live nearby, and my...
Oh, I'm really happy that you found what I wrote to be helpful. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you! I certainly don't want to generalize my own experience to all Chinese families, but I can tell you that open communication and standing up to one's elders were *not* hallmarks of my own Chinese upbringing! So, if your husband's family is similar to mine, I can definitely understand why you're in such a tough spot. I genuinely hope that you and your husband can find...
Hey, Chamomile Girl! Oakland here. Yeah, you're totally right in saying that it can go in all directions (and I apologize if it sounded like I was implying otherwise). It's a really sad fact, I think, of a lot of non-white cultures to place a high value on light skin and eyes, and I can see how it'd be troubling for you as well to have to endure a lot of questions just based on the way your child looks.    I don't know. I'm aware that people usually "mean well," but...
Oh, also, you've probably already done this, but have you tried redirecting her comments into something positive? I don't know what, specifically, but maybe you could try something like... "Yes, the baby is a very good eater, but _________ is discerning about food. Maybe she'll be a great chef someday!" Or when your MIL goes on and on about how pretty/smart the baby is, you can interject, "Yes, I'm so lucky! I've got one pretty baby and one gorgeous girl! I've got a...
Hi, blithespirit,   I don't have a solution for you, unfortunately, but I just wanted to quickly lend my support. I can't identify entirely, because in my marriage, I'm the Chinese one! My in-laws (who are white) have a very different orientation toward childrearing than my own parents do. I can't speak specifically to the competition issue, since I've just got one baby so far.   I will say that my brother and I were raised with a lot of competitiveness, but...
Ah, this is such an interesting challenge for me, trying to understand that line between harmless, genuine, non-fetishizing curiosity, and, well, the other kind. I'm still figuring it out. Also, when I do get "the other kind" (think, "I just love how exotic your baby is" - this in spite of the fact that I live in a place where my Chinese-Swedish-English baby is totally not exotic, the San Francisco Bay Area), I can't figure out how to articulate my problem with it. How...
Hi, pregnant@40 -- You're right, it's toughest because it's coming from my MIL. I get it all the time in reference to myself and my son, from all over the place, and I can just sort of shrug it off. Annoying, but whatever, I can let it go. But she's my son's grandmother, and I think that the particular way she thinks of people of color (or anybody "different" - because it's not just us; my MIL has "a gay friend" and "an African-American friend" and "a Pakistani friend,"...
Oh, mamas, I can't tell you how much it helps to just know that there are others out there that "get it." You seem to know exactly how I feel.   Ihathi, I was *just* telling my husband yesterday that his mother would be pure comedy if she were only someone else's MIL! Sometimes I actually do have to laugh because it's so over the top that it's almost like she's doing satire. You'd love her house. She could literally walk you through on the house tour, saying, "and...
Sigh. I'm so glad I found this forum. I've been tearing my hair out in frustration over the things my mother-in-law says every time I see her (which, being local, means at least once a week). Ugh, so I'm here to rant and hopefully get some support!    I'm Chinese-American, and my husband is Caucasian, and we have a 15-month-old little hapa boy. Now, I've read a lot of stories of frustration from multiracial people and families whose problems they believe are...
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