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Posts by insidevoice

I guess I'd step in in terms of the relationship to make it clear that there wouldn't be any unsupervised time with the boyfriend.  I'd certainly invite him over and they would be welcome to stay in common areas of the house, but there would be absolutely no privacy for them.    As far as therapy etc, if she's so dysfunctional right now that she's unable to be a willing participant in getting better, it's time to consider an inpatient approach.  
Yes, that would concern me as well- but that's why I would HAVE to have more context before I could make a judgement about where it is coming from.     As a general rule, I find secrecy and shame- of any sort- intensely more worrisome than someone who has had a very hard life and moved forward being relatively nonchalant about it.   I have met too many survivors who knew all the right things to say, but hadn't internalized them into their thought patterns to believe that...
I guess my solution would be to find a therapist who isn't touchy-feely and go with that.  This is a problem she needs a therapist to help her with.    My mom didn't know I was that ill as a teen, but I was pretty much out of the house by that age, so there's really no way she could have known.     It took a really amazing therapist who was willing to essentially tell me how stupid I was being to work through it.  Touchy feely wouldn't have worked.  Direct and to...
See, to me I don't necessarily see that as a danger signal.  If, as a child, they enjoyed it that WAS their experience.  I would rather have them able to admit that- and recognize that- as an adult it was totally inappropriate, but they shouldn't be made to feel worse for having had the experience they did. 
My kids have been everywhere from 6lbs to almost 9lbs.....    It doesn't seem to have anything to do with my weight gain or loss.  My heaviest baby turned into a TEENY baby/toddler/preschooler, and is now heading towards an average weight preteen.   My lightest baby turned into a BIG baby/toddler, and is just slimming down a little now as he enters the preschooler phase.    As for me, I'm still below my PP weight. However, I am decidedly less toned than I...
Aww- my three year old is sick.  He was ok yesterday until he suddenly threw up all over my computer chair in the early evening.  (That chair is now in the dumpster.  It needed to go anyway, and quite frankly, had I not been pregnant I might have gone through the effort of cleaning it and disinfecting it despite the cracked pleather on the seat, but while pregnant?  Pft.  Not happening.)   He spiked a high fever last night then insisted on being held all evening. He...
I tend to lean in this direction.  However, as I said, I would not simply send my child off with this person for weeks at a time either (nor would I with anyone.)  We don't really allow anyone to watch the kids until they are verbal and have proven that they are able to help advocate for themselves.  I will allow my parents to watch the kids, but so far, that is it.     Even someone who had multiple degrees and background checks would probably leave me feeling nervous. I...
    I think that's the piece to focus on.  My DH was abused as a child.  He grew up knowing that a sibling was abused, but it wasn't until after we had our children that he remembered his own sexual abuse.  The physical abuse was something he always had knowledge of, but he'd blocked out the rest.     When that did surface- for a number of reasons I encouraged him to seek help (ok, maybe more than encouraged- I demanded he get help to deal with things at that point in his...
Yes, MIL will respond badly, she probably will decide against joining you.  If she does, you and your husband will need to be prepared to head off her tug-of-war behavior at every turn (preferably your DH, but I don't get the impression that that is going to happen.)  If she doesn't, you can simply say you're sorry to hear she's choosing not to join in the festivities this year, but maybe next!   Furthermore, I would decide it's time to host holidays and family gatherings...
I didn't answer this initially because the adamant belief that this person was a danger put me off.  I needed time to reassess my thinking and decide why I felt as I did.  So, I thought about it some more, and I still refuse to label this person a Huge Risk because there simply isn't enough information here to do so.  You have no idea about the context of the question, and we have no idea about who the person really is, or what they may, or may not have, dealt with about...
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