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Posts by mary934

The problem with L@L is that it may feel L@L  to the parent , the kid may not buy into - that the earn to get - economic relationship is logical and the way to love kids. I prefer to be an unconditional parent who does not use love or leverage to try and get a kid to jump through my hoops. Instead solve problems in a collaborative way , foster relationship and trust and your child's socio-moral devlopment - to do things because they are the right things to do , it is the...
I think we can share the idea I love my work and that is really an ideal most of us want - to love and find meaning and purpose in what we do. We get paid once a month, so our minds are not on the money and this allows us to focus on the intrinsic value of what we are doing. Imho we feel appreciated by the way we are treated, our opinions are asked for and we can self direct our work. We need to be paid fairly but from the research 'money ' is well down the list why people...
Hi, I always take a collaborative problem solving approach perspective    so what are her concerns - a reward is solution to a problem or concern - what are her concerns ? what are your concerns    mutually satisfying solution -  1 make chores fun , incorporate the treat into the chore , so instead doing the chore and getting the treat , the chore becomes more fun 2 when rewards are self -determined meaning the kid decides and the parent is not using rewards to...
I recommend checking out the collaborative problem solving approach - see Ross Greene's livesinthebalnce site. The philosophy is children do well if they can and not if they want to so no rewards or punishments are going to teach the lagging skills which are the underlying causes of her problems. The goal is to be proactive and deal with these predictable problems ahead of the time and not in the moment. It is easier to talk to a kid when you are connecting and everybody...
saying its mine is a solution to a concern - is she worried she won't get it back etc we can try to help a kid express their concerns and we can address them
I am sorry about your hand. I try to be very much on top of things, so I don't loose my guard and get the unexpected kick, punch or bite. If you check out cps - collaborative problem solving approach -Ross Greene we see that biting is a behavior and we want to be essentially working on finding mutually satisfying solutions to problems. We have to find a solution to your hygiene expectations and try to understand what are her concerns that make washing difficult. magnetic...
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rachel-macy-stafford/the-day-i-stopped-saying-hurry-up_b_3624798.html
hi, I think your child  needs the support of all the adults involved - you , stepmom and your ex. Not the trying to ' motivate her' to behave but trying to solve the underlying problem. Hitting is a behavior - you want to solve the problem giving rise to the hitting. A new baby could be something that we can add to the mix but we can do little about it and she is not hitting the baby all the time . So we should try and get a good picture , detailed as possible about...
 a teen kicked a ball that hit a teacher in the face and the teacher fell . the teen ran away , why  parents and teachers are the last to know if kids screw up - why    because punishment teaches kids to be immoral and not be caught - moral behavior means offering the teacher help , the fear of punishment teaches otherwise    in a world of values , parents and teachers should be there for kids to help them get back on track , solve problems in a collaborative...
For some Gentle discp comes easy because our kids are easy wired and maybe natural for us, but most it has taken a paradigm shift and the understanding that parenting and education is a process that takes time. The parenting pyramid starts with you - your ' Being' - focusing on yourself, health, emotional empowerment, leisure time also in your situation , in my humble opinion if you were also working it would help for many obvious reasons. The second level is your...
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