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Posts by mary934

I usually recomend looking at Ross Greene's cps - collaborative problem solving approach . namecalling is a behavior or at most a solution , we need to deal with the underlying  specific problem , knowing about the problem in detail - so saying she gets frustrated in not getting her way is too vague - we need specifics and detail. Then we need her input - don't mention ' name calling ' just ' I have noticed you have difficulty when or you are not so happy when .....,...
The PMI tool is more of a tool that helps direct thinking in the direction of ' exploring '  an idea rather than critical yes/no thinking. So kids generally automatically reject an idea , here they ' explore '  with an open mind looking at the positives in parallel with us - they given the first shot..   You have described more of a collaborative problem solving scenario. Pure CPS would leave out the solutions - doing hw , either on saturday or sunday and just focus...
Edward de Bono is the creator of the term - lateral thinking = a creative type of thinking also wrote a books on how to teach kids how to think. This helps problem solving and perspective taking and most important help kids try to see the positive in what we are saying and not just the minuses. This can be done if we don't debate but use parallel learning and thinking. His PMI tool is a good example.   here is a link http://tinyurl.com/9z28mtd  scroll down -  there...
We are quite good at collaborating with babies and toddlers by be responsive to their cues. If they are not verbal and can't articulate their concerns , we can try make suggestions about what is bothering them , maybe use pictures , put our concerns on the table and then suggest solutions , maybe in pictures etc. This must be done out of the moment - the focus is not on behavior bit on the concerns.
check out Dr Ross   Greene's CPS - collaborative problm solving approach. Outside the moment we can try have a discussion , not on the behaviors , but the actual unsolved problem , unmet concerns that give rise to the problem. Once we have a clear idea of the kid's concerns, we can put our concerns and expectations on the table and then together try and brainstorm mutually satisfying , realistic and durable solutions. It is messy and not easy , but the CPS process...
I am glad , things are back on track    I am sure you would like a better way to get the message to dh than using a ' perceived threat '  .  Using a belt is a behavior or at most  one solution to a problem  A discussion not about the belt but your dh's concerns would help    I have noticed that you sometimes use CP on ds what's up ?   we want him to put his concerns on the table  Once we have his concerns on the table , you can put your concerns on the table...
TV , hitting and bad language are behaviors. If we take a CPS - collaborative problem solving perspective behaviors are merely symptoms of lagging skills and unmet concerns. Talking about behaviors won't solve the underlying problem. So we need maybe to do some cps with each kid seperately and then facilitate cps between them   TV -  Mom: I have noticed since you have been watching the xx TV show , there is a lot more bad language , hitting and fighting in the home ,...
Trying Plan B= the collaborative problem solving process in the moment is very difficult and the best is to be proactive and do it when the kid is calm , better when there is a good vibe between you , maybe over a treat when there is good general chatting going on. I don't like using leverage but when a kid wants something I say - for sure I will and I would very much appreciate if we could just have a chat about  xxx if that's Ok with you.  Sometimes , it helps to set...
I am not a big one for reward charts as they don't deal with the underlying problem. Here are some guidelines    make it easy to get points so we have a momentum effect  don't take off points - kids get punished by not earning the reward in any case , just try to find an excuse to give a point for something to get the momentum going again  give the kid a say about the point system , focus the talk on achieving the goal and its impact rather than on getting the...
Hi, I think you can work on her late nights and being tired by resetting her biological clock with Melatonin  If being with friends is really the only thing that matters maybe if she has something to share with them - a joke or  a story for days when she does not feel into it    I am not one for rewards but if they are self -determined - meaning she decides that she wants some extrinsic incentive to help her get to school , she can come up with something that...
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