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Posts by othermother109

Dog gone it! I wasn't getting any notifications that there were replies... Oh well. I'm glad you love it. Me too!  
I can't remember the name of the book or woman, but I sent out an e-mail query to people in my foster parent group. I'll post if someone remembers. I just remember being angry that such a ridiculous concept was being given any credence.
After the adoption was finalized they could take the child back? How incredibly awful! If I'd had that risk, I wouldn't have gone through foster-adopt either.    The pain that men and women go through to become parents. The enormous risks they take with their hearts. I'm sitting here thinking about a woman who wrote a book about how she only did foster care for the money. This was a year or so ago. She got publicity all around the country. Everyone wanted to hear...
Thank you, QueenJane for your very thoughtful response. I expect that if you are guaranteed a legally-adoptable child, and can afford it, that would be the way to go.  The heartbreak factor must be the key. And it is heartbreaking. I have two sons; there was a time when I thought my youngest would go back to his birth mother and it was awful, almost unbearable. If I had to do it again, and I knew that I would be guaranteed a child that wouldn't go back, I might opt for...
I just realized how that sounded. I apologize. It definitely is not exceptionally good that so many children come into care. What is good is that the county workers truly care about both the children and the foster parents and try to make a match that will last, particularly if they think that reunification is not going to happen.   It is a busy county, unfortunately, but the other thing is we don't have enough foster parents. Last year, about 350 children came into...
Oh, I do agree. It can be very hard and I've had heart-breaking things happen to friends. I guess, perhaps what I'm asking is... It seems like a lot of people try out-of-country adoptions first. Aren't there a lot of heartbreaks with those adoptions, too? Is there any advantage to going to another country? Where I live, there are always children of all ages coming into care. You are required to tell the county what age you are looking for, and that's the only age they...
I am white and my son's birth parents were from Mexico. The question I get most often is, "Are you his real mom?" What I do is give them a puzzled look, poke at my arm as if to see if it's solid, and then look at them again. "Yes, I'm real," I say. That pretty much shuts them up. I think that would translate well to when someone asks if your son or daughter is your real child, or the real sibling of your birth child. Just touch them, and give the person a look like you...
This is something I've wondered for a long time. I don't know anyone who has gone through an out-of-country adoption, so I'm very curious. My process went so well through foster care that I wonder why everyone doesn't go that way. I do know that the not-knowing for the first 18 months of my younger son's placement whether he would stay was agonizing, but I'm sure there are a lot of things about out-of-country adoptions that are hard, too.  I tend to want to advocate for...
IncompetentHousewife I just read your post on another thread and I've got to say, incompetent just doesn't go with the way you write. :)   I am "Carolyn Nash." That's my pen name. I'm so sorry your child was hurt. If you think I can help in any way, please let me know. I know what it would have meant to me if I'd had someone to chat with who had been through it. So much good luck to you. Oh, and I saw your formula above. If that's a crazy home, then I want to be...
Incompetent Housewife. I take issue with your name choice. Your essay above is beautiful and I cannot see ANY signs that "incompetent" is a good name for you. I'm so glad it's working out for you with your baby. That's such a great feeling when you know they will stay with you.   Elsie, frustration should be in the definition of being a foster-adopt parent. I know I had my share and probably drove my worker and my friends nuts when I was waiting for placement. I...
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